January 2010

 

Laid Low

 

 

My dear amigos, happy new year to you all and I hope your festive season was not too unpleasant. I’m very sorry but this is going to be a very short piece because I am laid low with crippling depression. Regular readers know that I’ve been prone to depression on and off over the years but this is in a totally different league. This is much much worse. I know I’m leaving myself open to stinky journalists saying ‘What has she got to be depressed about, the self-indulgent whiner, when there are people out there with real troubles?’ so I won’t go on about it.

All I will say is that I’m aware that these are terrible times and that there are people out there who have been so ruined by the current economic climate that they’ve lost the roof over their heads and every day is a battle for basic survival and I wish I could make their pain go away. But although I’m blessed enough to have a roof over my head, I still feel like I’m living in hell. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t read, I can’t talk to people. The worst thing is that I feel it will never end. I know lots of people don’t believe it, but depression is an illness, but unlike say, a broken leg, you don’t know when it’ll get better.

I’ve been trying to read helpful, comforting and inspiring bits and pieces because I can’t manage novels and I’ve included some of them at the bottom of the page, in the hope that you might find them helpful, comforting and inspiring at some time too.

So amigos, I’m sorry to abandon you for the moment. Full service will be restored at some stage, I hope. Thank you in advance for your kindness because you’ve always been so lovely to me and once again Happy New Year. I hope it’s a nice one for you.


 

That’s the thing about depression. A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.
Elizabeth Wurtzel Prozac Nation

***

Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.
Bill Wilson, in a letter 1950 in How Bill Sees It

***

Why allow salt water to rust your heart
When the world is brimming with pure sweet water
Rumi

***

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver.

***

There is a crack, a crack in everything. It’s how the light gets in
L Cohen

***

This too shall pass
AA slogan

***

And did you get what
You wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
Beloved on the earth
Raymond Carver, Late Fragment

***

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
Resume by Dorothy Parker

***

The mind is its own place and in itself can make heaven of hell and a hell of heaven.
John Milton

***

Just for today
AA slogan

***

I am the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be a cheerful face on earth. Whether I shall ever be better, I cannot tell; I awfully forbode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible. I must die or be better.
Abraham Lincoln

***

Be Ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are.
You’ve been stony for too many years. Try something different.
Surrender.
Rumi from A Necessary Autumn Inside Each

***

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
CS Lewis

***

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief.
CS Lewis

***

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in getting up every time that you do
Confucius, Chinese philosopher and reformer

***

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson’s “There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk

***

To be or not to be: that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing, end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep we say we end
The heartache and the thousand natural shocks
The flesh is heir to, tis a consummation
devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep.
Hamlet (3/1)

***

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Reinhold Niebuhr

***

Holly Golightly: You know the days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds. You mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat, and maybe it’s been raining too long. You’re just sad, that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid, and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Breakfast at Tiffanys by Truman Capote

***

I have studiously tried to avoid ever using the word ‘madness’ to describe my condition. Now and again, the word slips out, but I hate it. ‘Madness’ is too glamourous a term to convey what happens to most people who are losing their minds. That word is too exciting, too literary, too interesting in its connotions to convey to bordeom, the slowness, the dreariness, the dampness of depression.
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

***

Nobody tells me. Nobody keeps me informed. I make it 17 days come Friday since anybody spoke to me
Eeyore, The house at Pooh Corner by AA Milne

***

I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, master Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy. How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened. But in the end it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Master Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Sam, The Two Towers, Lord of the Rings

***

My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?
Christ on the cross (even though he knew he wasn’t actually forsaken at all…)

***

If you are going through hell, keep going
Winston Churchill
 



Comments

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Marian, I know you must have heard this a lot, but you really helped me to get out of that dark place I was in. So I just want you to know that even if you can't solve all the world's problems, you have saved many people (at least me), and you should be proud. You are trully cherished for your actions.

Posted by jimecli on 20/01/2011

Marian, a truly inspirational writer with a gift to appeal to people's emotions and minds. Someone so talented will have to experience the true evils of depression to write so eloquently about it. I've found her more inspirational than I could imagine a self help book to be. I send my best wishes and hope that you can emerge from this better than ever.

Posted by -Cal- on 20/01/2011

Dear Marion, I am surprised to hear this . i had never heard of you till 4am on radio today i don't really read books i could not sleep-i am kind of redired you see .well this same predicament happened to me.when i was 20 years old .i was tee total then i did not know where to go i was confused then somebody game me a bible. i held it close to me and prayed .my depression never came back.mind you i also went to a faith healing comunity in ballymore sheeps haven west of ireland same year 1973 don't know if it is still there. that help to reinforce it.believe it truly will work.BY see me on myspace

Posted by mantagna on 07/01/2011

Awwww!! I'm so sorry!... You are so lovely and so fab!!...
This might sound strange but I've heard of occulty things, especially reiki sometimes yoga making people depressed... though I'm sure you've thought of everything and tried and not tried everything...

Much, much love x x x



Posted by lyttle on 17/12/2010

Hi! I am a 21 year old girl from Granada (Spain). I`ve read all your books. I specially like Angels and Under the duvet.You have told me so many things about life... i will always be gratefull for that. Good luck and thank you for Mama Walsh!I´m in love with her!

Posted by Carmen11 on 14/12/2010

Hi Marian

I just wanted to tell you how amazingly inspirational you are. I have read each and every one of your books (well thats a lie, I'm 3 quarters of the way through, started reading it at the 7 this morning at the airport). Anyway, in each of your books I've found a little bit of myself, non more so than Marnie. I'm not at Marnies last chapter but after reading it (I have just come back from my honeymoon where I devoured the book)I feel that I am discovering what I am. Still not really wanting to say it outloud even though the question has been in my head for a while.

I know your own depression is all consuming but because of your experiences, your wit, your talent you have helped more people than you will probably ever know.

I am so sorry that you are ill and I am thinking of you and all of us who are in the same position.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by Kmoo on 08/12/2010

Hi Marian,

Smile. You will get through this. You are loved, talented and probably emotionally exhausted from the work you plough into every novel, every character. I can't wait to read your next newsletter once you've kicked the ass of this depression out of your life. Please feel better very soon. XXX

Posted by Trishtalking on 23/11/2010

Marian Keyes, Top of the morning to ye. You are but a legend. The things you write and the way you write them. I have been reading your books since my teens. I am now in my late twenties -about to embark thirties - and have learnt a lot about life especially over the last few years. Depression is real, and out there and can engulf you when you least expect it. Remember that it is all in the mind, your mind, take little steps and find your way, think of today only and don't worry about the rest it will all come good eventually.
Take care and keep in touch

Kerry x x x

Posted by Tuohy on 17/11/2010

Hi Marian,
I was just thinking about you today and hoping that the sun is emerging from behind that black cloud and you are finding your way out of the pit (or at least able to think about trying - depression just sucks rocks, doesn't it?).

Thank you so much for writing - I've really enjoyed all your books, but Rachel's Holiday - wow - that book is something really special.

I hope you find your mojo again soon. x

Posted by Hazpotts on 01/11/2010

Oh, and the poem that Zena on 05/01/2010 mentions is a song by Caron Wheeler (ca. 1990), part of the 90s dancefloor group Soul II Soul. Ha! Luv it.

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

test

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

Test - not sure if my notes are being reviewed first or I had to confirm my subscription first (silly me...)

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

Box vanished. No clue whether any control keys on my typepad test rebellion. So again...

If you like, try freshly grated ginger in orange juice, heat it in the microwave. Feel the warmth running through your body.

Walk past a house and let your fingers run over the wall plastering. Feel the scratching, up and down, let it connect you directly with your brainwave.

Do something that exhausts you physically, maybe later in the day to allow for a gladly exhausted full night's sleep.

No next novel needed for now. You've already produced so many, kick out obligations, stomp on the floor like an angry kid and yell NO! :o) Or write other stuff if it feels to narrow a spot to be linked to the same genre over and over. Get a pseudonym.

Go on board a high sea ship, let it nauseate you, feel it, puke your heart and soul out at your heart's content.

View the movie Avenue Montaigne / Fauteuils d'Orchestre. It talks about the perfect place in life - the middle and not to expect too much from yourself but just opening your eyes and observe and see what else life has in stock for you.

Try crafting if you enjoy it. Mosaics e.g. let you work with tons of colours, textures and patterns. Look up Kaffe Fassett. He's a genius.

Indulge in the one thing that (whatever it may be, lol) you've always kept yourself from doing.

And now I stop my rantings for now (bloody fans! lol). All the best!
Tessa

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

And one more for now with some of the most powerful words I've ever read. You give so much fun, happiness, time and strengths to others with your words, that it's time you replenish your own sources of wellbeing.
Really all the best!

Still I Rise



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You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

Dear Marian,
we once met at a reading in NYC (girl in a green sweater which you won't remember). All the very, very best and I hope you can take one day at a time, freeing you from not needed obligations and find hope and strengths in the anything that gives you comfort and lets you stand stronger in the way that you may wish for it. I will share some of my most favorite poems. Get well and a respectful hug from someone far away.


PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.


from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

Posted by Tessa on 10/10/2010

Dear Marian,
I miss reading your newsletters; I hope you are feeling better.
It's been a rough year, though I hope and think things will be better by the end of the year.
Give yourself many hugs,
Lea

Posted by lunaly on 09/10/2010

Glad to hear you are felling better. Just love all your books about the Walshes. wondering if you ever thought about a book about Helen the Youngest Walsh siter!!!!!

Posted by cathymac on 16/09/2010

A few suggestions.... One of our New Zealand heroes, John Kirwan has teamed up with Clinical Psychologists to create an online programme at www.depression.org.nz .
I can also totally recommend several brilliant novels written by an author you may know, Marian Keyes :-)

Posted by Susannah on 04/09/2010

please let us know how you are..There have been no up dates....hope all is well...love and hugs to you.xx.

Posted by joanne on 27/08/2010

Oh,dearest dearest Marian, am aching for you. Know the pit you describe too well. Is so much I want to say to you but I get that sometimes only bite-sized is digestable. Ergo, here are my snippets for you :-)))))

* I'm hoping that you're in a better place now than you were at the beginning of the year. If not, don't ever forget that all WILL pass... and if you can't manage a day at a time, then just make it ten minutes at a time xx

* Your talents are extraordinary...as must be their oppos. I truly believe that the most creative of brains accessess spaces others just can't. Sadly, that works across all areas though and not just the ones that deliver the goods. I know... p*sserhuh? ;-) But it does at least make the depths of awfulness just slightly more comprehensible. It also helps with the (v legit!) question of WHY ME? The answer is that you are you, and no rainbow with the shimmering bright colours you possess could exist without the darker ones too.

* I know it's scant comfort, but even if you can't feel it then just know you have given so much to so many. In the darkness of the night, when all feels SO lost and SO helpless, remember that even if your life feels of no value to you, it is of immense value to others. And simply on that basis, survive until it becomes of value to you again.

* As I'm writing, part of me is thinking there's no point as you might not even see this. But I know that that's not true. It has point even if you don't read it as I need to know I have let you know how much you are cared for. You are a sister to many hon xx

* Darkest hour is always before the dawn. I am hoping beyond hoping that dawn is now breaking for you. Sending you hugs, faith, hope, and courage (just in case yours are temporarily still in hibernation :-) XXXXXX

Posted by SassyChick on 25/08/2010

You are a beautiful, strong woman who is able to pull herself up once again. You are loved and not alone. Thank you for giving us your stories. I have been reading your books for years and they comforted me and made me happy. It is the little bits of happiness that string together and pull a person up. That is what saved me and your writing helped, so I thank you.

Posted by tam on 24/07/2010

Dear Marian. I just wanted to let you know how much your books make me laugh. The description of the office party in Under the Duvet is so funny that I can remember every detail of where I was when I read it, how I laughed and what if felt like to laugh that hard. I was prompted to write to you this morning as I was reading ‘This Charming Man’ over breakfast and the description of the policeman turning up at the Friday night trannies gathering – well, it made me want to hug myself with glee. ‘Little fizzogs bruised with anxiety’. Will be chuckling to myself all day and I work in M&S and it’s the first day of the sale…. Wish you were better and wish you were on BBLB for the last series.

Posted by Patty-Dardennes on 22/07/2010

Wow, what can I say. I came across just one of your books, read it in one evening staying up all night and then ran to every bookstore to buy up each other one and read the rest within two weeks. You see, I suffer from bi-polar and was diagnosed about 3 years ago and once I was stabilized for the first time in my life have been able to live the most wonderful life ever. Depression is probably one of the most crippling diseases to suffer from because no matter how you try to describe how you're feeling to someone it's impossible because half the time you can't. Rachel spoke to me more way than you'll ever imagine. Mammy Walsh speaks to me because I have four daughters in their twenties who all have different crazy personalities all very much like the Walsh girls. Keep moving forward Mariann, life does and with it so will you. Something will click as it always does and you'll once again climb through that dark space in the light again and continue to write. Besides, we still need Helen's story (she by far has to be the biggest Walsh crazy kid). All my love and wellness to you. I'm sending you my brightest start so that it might reach you and move you along to a brighter place in your world. Love Carolann

Posted by carolann on 13/07/2010

"If depression exists, then it has a history; and if it has a history then it had a beginning and it will have an end."

I am paraphrasing Giovanni Falcone. He was actually talking about the Mafia, which is almost as bad as depression.

I am sure I am not the first to point this out, but it actually sort of makes sense that you suffer from depression. Through the centuries, the best circus clowns, who made people laugh the hardest, were the most melancholy of people in private life.

I've just finished The Brightest Star in the Sky, and I do not know of any other author who can put his or her finger so perfectly on the funnybone of today's society.

I just wish I could end this post on a note as arresting as Falcone's.

Posted by ryancolm on 05/07/2010

Marian please get better soon and write about it - you help so many people through your writing. I hope you know what a difference you make.

Thanks for the quotes, I refer to them often. I have depression (exacerbated by infertility) and it's the emotional fatigue that is worst for me. Some days jumping off a bridge seems easier than getting through the day. I thank God for people like you and lovely books to get me through.

Much love

Posted by Havanna on 23/06/2010

Anything I say to you about Depression you already know - you're living it. So, I'm not going to talk to you about your Depression, your story, your opinions, your thoughts, your experiences, your beliefs, you, you, you...you've had waaay too much of that, my dear.
1. Wake, eat, wash...DON'T think about it (wear headphones on your iPhone and listen to morning radio - NOT your own thoughts).
2. Phone your school/place of worship/club and organise a time and date to volunteer with reading to others/listening to others/crafting with others...ANYTHING that has NOTHING to do with you - where ppl rely on you and you do not hope to get any gratification out of for yourself.
3. On the night before your appointment, organise your clothes, food, money, etc so you are not tempted to cancel appointment.

The point of all this is to stop thinking about yourself - you NEED to get out of you (particularly your thoughts about yourself). All of your attempts to cure yourself have been about feeding yourself (YOUR thoughts, YOUR beliefs, YOUR stories). I strongly recommend you volunteer a few times a week for people (strangers, really) that you do not think you will get anything out of, that cannot repay you. The benefits of volunteering can only be experienced...by feeding others you may find you feed yourself.

Posted by Finiam on 16/06/2010

In the middle of writing a thesis so did a clear-out of the house (as you do) and found an old, battered copy of 'lucy sullivan is getting married'- and spent the past two nights eating chocolate mars bar cake and reading it til 2a.m! I laughed out loud so many times- you really have the eighties in ireland down to a tee e.g. When being good in mass was rewarded with vienetta! And when Lucy wonders jealously about daniels new girlfriends exotic- sounding name: 'Sascha. It would be. Why couldn't she have been called Madge?'

Posted by Mariecd on 15/06/2010

I have just heard the news and I two offer my thoughts to you at this time. Just by this page of comments shows how many admirers and follows you have, and I hope thats a blessing to you. Nobody in the the throes of a depressive episode or period wants to hear that you'll get through it because it feels like you won't.

All your avid readers know you have the inner strength to get through hard stuff - you've come through the other side with the AA stuff and are all the better person for it. Hopefully you will find that again some time soon.

Have you tried massage and / or reflexology? It sorted out my IBS (and yes I know thats nothing like depression but hear me out) -my tummy goes really horrible with stress, anything from worrying about when I'll get the weekly shop in to stuff at work. It churns, spasms and spits stuff out and keeps stuff in (not nice) and I recently went for a massage at a local beauty salon - not the best massage, but then I've only had 2, but my word did it stop the cramps and I came out in a dream like state feeling free and de-knotted as it were. Really like a weight off my shoulders (or rather my insides!)

Or cooking rather than baking (big vats of chilli are my obsession) which can just get stuffed in the freezer?

Listening to audio books or audio shows - helps my husband to get to wind down and sometimes sends him to sleep, out like a light to Jack Dee! Alan Bennett is also good apparently

I sincerely hope you get better - love and best wishes (which always sounds werid coming from somebody you don't know) but I really mean it!

Posted by Andi_h_1 on 14/06/2010

Dear Marian, so sorry you are not well but I'm so glad you are getting better, I'm in the same boat as you ( in a very stormy sea ) Its funny I took to baking too,I never baked a thing before in my life until I started last year, I do enjoy it and it does work, another thing I have started is photography it is good to take a photo of something beautiful, a flower a sunset a child laughing....If you have a iphone get apps photogene, camera plus and Color Splash. Remember you are not alone and you are loved, and I know you know as I know there are people worse off than us and when we are better we may be able to help them. Love Dec

Posted by Dexdexter on 06/06/2010

I admit that I've never read your books, but I wanted to offer my support as a fellow sufferer. The very hardest thing to do is to remember that it is temporary. It is able to get to the other side. Blogger Allie Brosh says it best: "For me, depression is like going deeper and deeper underground. You start out sinking and when you're in the thick of it, you feel the heavy, musty earth weighing down on you, the claustrophobia of being buried alive seems real and palpable. You are tempted to just stop moving forward because the pit seems endless and you are so exhausted. But once there is a little bit of light cast for you, you see that you aren't in an infinite hole at all - just a tunnel. And if you keep moving, the soil on top of you will get less and less heavy and soon you'll be able to breathe again. "

Keep moving.

Posted by schuylerdade on 04/06/2010

hi sister
feel better, try a juice feast juicefeasting.com it got me through

Posted by fruit on 04/06/2010

Thank you so much Marion, you help me so much when I am struggling. I always think of characters from your books who I can relate to. I have a suggestion, some how I have ended up with a puppy, the last thing I wanted! But the distratction has been unbelivabley helpful to me. It might be worth a try. Rachaelsuggestion

Posted by Piras5 on 04/06/2010

Halfway down the stairs
is a stair where I sit:
There isn't any other stair quite like it.
I'm not at the bottom;
I'm not at the top:
So this is the stair where I always stop.
Halfway up the stairs
isn’t up, and isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery, it isn't in the town:
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head:
"It isn't really anywhere! It's somewhere else instead!
(A A Milne);-)

Posted by keire on 03/06/2010

You've obviously suffered a serious agitated depression. My heart goes out to you. I've seen it up close and it's a bitch. I recommend valium or a similar sedative for when the agitation and anxiety are at their worst. Mildly addictive but easy as pie to kick. And best of all, it takes effect in minutes, unlike those frustrating anti-depressants where you have to wait six weeks for a glimmer, if you're lucky. Honestly, if you've tried homeopathy (sorry, but it's water) then you need to at least try Valium. My partner took it and it was a big help in lifting the crushing fear that was holding back her return to productive, happy comfortable living.
all the best.

Posted by dcairns on 03/06/2010

You have been blessed with the artistic temperament that blesses us with your talent more than you with it's dark side. Think of Beethoven, and all the scads of other artists that have been afflicted with the same, although undiagnosed traumas. When I read Rachel's Holiday, and found myself secreted in my own house for fear of being caught with drugs (which of course I've never had, but I was "in deep" with your book) I knew that you must know first hand to be able to convince me of a different reality than mine. This was before I knew that you had indeed been an addict.

Posted by licata519 on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian,
I just finished reading "The Brightest Star in The Sky" which made me weep (I also had a few laugh out loud moments) I just wanted to wish you love from across the ocean (i'm in Philadelphia)
I know my waves of sadness are usually cured with a good cry and a spin class accompanied by loud hip hop music - But I married a man who truly suffers from depression. It took me all the years we have been together to comprehend the depths of his despair and I will never really feel what he is feeling. I only know that I love him. His depression comes and goes in waves, I feel each time after these times are over that we are stronger for them, or maybe its just that I'm so happy that he isn't suffering (as much) I hope you feel better soon (i know those words sound hollow but I mean that)
Sincerely,
Daniela (from NY and LA who now temporarily (I hope its temporary) is living in Philadelphia

Posted by Daniela on 29/05/2010

Dear Marian,
Your writing always touches me. I just read the Brightest Star and cried afterwards. It's so beautifully writen. I recently found your newsletter and read about your depression. I thought I suffered from depression and I do (but usually a good cry and spin class helps me) but I truly saw the depths of depression through my husband's eyes. His pain and suffering is heartbreaking. I understand its an ongoing battle, and its something not many can comprehend, it's taken me years to understand the depths of despair my husband can go through. I honestly believe some of the world's most special people, suffer the most. I hope you feel better soon (those words seem hollow - but i don't mean them to be)
sending love from across the ocean (i'm in philadelphia) - Daniela

Posted by Daniela on 29/05/2010

Thinking of you x

Posted by gem on 25/05/2010

Hi Marian,

I knew you'd suffered with this awful illness before, and i'm sad for you that it's reared its ugly head again. I am also a victim of depression - it's a suffocating, horrible feeling - which sometimes you feel ashamed of admitting you have - because of what people will say. The usual is, there's always someone worse off or pull yourself together. I hope you recover from it, i really do, you're very talented and you have lifted my spirits so many times when i've been in the 'pits' just by picking up one of your books. They're the perfect escapism for me - definitely my fave author. Someone's suggestion above was a good idea that you could write your next book about it - it may help yourself see more clearly by penning the dark, intrusive thoughts - and will help those with depression that read it too : )

Posted by Jo : ) on 25/05/2010

Hey sweetie x hang in there. Don't worry about stinky journos or stinky anyone else - people who don't understand depression aren't worth bothering about. You're a bright star and you will get better. Much love from lots and lots of people. x

Posted by hjrye on 21/05/2010

Dear Marian and Him,
Thinking of you both, and hoping that you're having a good time, with no pressure to do anything but enjoy whatever you can. May your souls fly carefree on the wings of love.

Posted by Vickijane on 19/05/2010

Marian,

You have a beautiful soul - wishing us well when you are feeling so terrible.

I hope you find yourself again soon. We love you

Posted by melissa on 18/05/2010

Hi Marian
I came to this website on the back of a comment made on Loose Women today. I'm watching it daily as have been unemployed for 11 months now! Happy days. They were discussing Janet Street Porter's latest rant at the weekend in an article she wrote about depression. She mentioned you (as I expect you know).
Up to now, I didn't realise you had depression I just thought on reading all your books "Well! She does HER research doesn't she!" Of course it makes sense now how you were able to coin how I've felt inside at times. My personal illness is more of an anxiety/depression thing and I'm bored of trying to explain it to people. Don't ask me why I have this people and no, I don't bloody know why I feel doomed, but I do. I especially won't explain it to people like Janet Street Porter. I always say, I so SO get the term Ignorance is Bliss now. And well, wouldn't it be nice. You are my favourite author Marian and I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wish you well.

Posted by Catface on 17/05/2010

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Jacques Prévert

Marian, my sister suffers from depression and my cousin recently decided the fight was no longer for her. I have also gone through long dark phases myself and oddly enough it is often your words that pull me through in the end. You have given a great gift to the world in that respect. I hope that you can get through this with the same courage and determination that you have shown in previous battles.

Love Jennifer

Posted by cloud19 on 13/05/2010

Hello, Ms. Marian!

You are in my thoughts and prayers! I hope this message finds you well!

Posted by nda818 on 11/05/2010

Hi Marian,
Depression is so horrible and so miss understood I think. Like you said if it was a broken leg at least people could see it. Anyway I really hope your feeling better soon and that your not in the gold fish bowl for too long (that is how I use to describe my depression it was like living in a gold fish bowl you can see everone around you carrying on as normal but your stuck swimming around in circles behind the glass) i thought it was a good way to make people realise what it's like. Anyway like i said I hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by hayley24 on 10/05/2010

Dear Marian. How is it going? It's strange how now and again I think about someone I dont even know. Yes, thats you. I do hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that you will dazzle again soon. Lou xx

Posted by Louise on 03/05/2010

Dear Marian,
I sincerely hope that you find your light at the end of this dark tunnel soon.
You are an inspiration, someone once reviewed one of your books by saying reading it was like curling up on the sofa with your best friend and I couldn't have put it better myself. never before have I felt that an author was actually inside my brain and reading my most personal thoughts
Chin up Marian, your the best.
lots of Love,
Lara
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by campbell on 02/05/2010

Marian,

So sorry you met that well known black dog on the road. I loved "This Charming Man". I think you've turned a realcorner. Not surprised that the aftermath is exhaustion. A few reading suggestions: : Charming Billy by Alice McDermott: Irish on the Inside by Tom Hayden; The Hungry Earth by Sean Kenny. All very excellent reads. All addressing some aspect of teh Celtic Twilight. Or to summarize: Why is it that a country which until very recently had victim status tends to produce a disproportionate number of manic depressives? Abnd the related question: Why is it that a country which is the custodian of Celtic culture tends to produce an inordinate number of very subtle and talented writers and musicians? Why is it that people who have experience spirit loss tend to reach for the bottle? Get well soon babe. The fans really do love you. xxx

Posted by Maudie on 30/04/2010

Marian, I don't dare offer any words of wisdom to you - I have been there, and fear I will be again at some point. I applaud and respect your honesty, you are inspiring. You have no idea how your books have helped me get out of my own head at crucial times in my life....
...and hey the last Big Brother starts soon, that may be a minor distraction :)!

Posted by LauraC on 27/04/2010

Dear Marian,

I want to let you know you are in my thoughts and I really hope you're feeling better, one day at a time. Sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxx

Posted by ErinPerin on 26/04/2010

Dear Marian,

Sending all my love to you as an avid fan and hoping you are feeling better. I devour your books, sneak time for a few pages and then whole chunks of days can escape with little work done as I become so engrossed by your characters and plot and storytelling that still manage to engage long after i've put the book down. As a fan of your work, I would also like to say please take as much time as you want or need to yourself to heal and rise out of the darkness again. And please, when you do start to feel better or more like your whole self is shining, take your time and know that all of your fans around the world are thinking of you and wanting the best for you, Marian, the individual, not you Marian the author, as we have plenty of your words to enjoy from your other novels to inspire and make us laugh, until such a time that you may feel ready to write.
You have made a difference to many lives and given a voice to women (and men) around the world, through your characters and topics. My gratitude to you for your words and work. Again, lots of love to you.
Jennifer

Posted by Jennifer over here on 24/04/2010

Aww Marian, I'm so sorry to hear that, hopefully you are feeling much better now! I absolutely love your books, I've been backpacking for over a year now and your books have followed me everywhere, you are truly fabulous and an inspiration to many. In fact you have inspired me so much that I am beginning my first novel! Please keep your chin up and know that it WILL pass. Surround yourself with family and friends. Awk I just feel so awful for you, I do! Fortunately i don't suffer from it, but my Mum has had an horrendous time with it, so I understand it somewhat. Anyway thinking of you and wishing u happiness! please come back soon, much love

Lisa
(Belfast)

Posted by lisabell85 on 24/04/2010

Marian,
Like so many others, I understand exactly what you're going through, and though kind words and inspiring thoughts may find it hard to reach you right now, I wanted to try anyway.
It seems to me that it is either a blessing or a curse to be able to feel as deeply as sufferers such as us do. To truly appreciate great joy, we must also suffer great pain.
I spend most days making a conscious effort to be happy.
And I am blessed in many ways, I have a beautiful daughter who I love more than anything, a loving partner, a beautiful home. But still the darkness comes at me relentlessly and it with constant effort I keep it at bay. It is exhausting.
Depression, true depression has nothing to do with circumstance - in fact I can only wish it had a cause, a problem to solve, instead of fighting a insidious bleakness with no discernable origin.
Something you said in the first novel of yours I read stuck with me, and I knew right then you were on a par with me - "world sadness", it is too great to fight, and there is no solution to be found. The most we can hope is to banish it to the furthest corner of our mind where it always lurks.
I really hope that you feel better soon Marian, it pains me to know you suffer so. Thankyou for your beautiful and touching books.
Emma x x

Posted by isparkle on 23/04/2010

It’s 3:23 in the morning and I’m awake
because my great, great, grandchildren won’t let me sleep.
My great, great, grandchildren ask me in dreams
what did you do while the planet was plundered?
what did you do when the earth was unraveling?
surely you did something when the seasons started failing
as the mammals, reptiles and birds were all dying?
did you fill the streets with protest when democracy was stolen?
what did you do
once
you
knew?

Posted by keire on 21/04/2010

Dear Marian,

I am sorry to read that you are battling with depression. I hope that you will feel better soon and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I just wanted to thank you for great books, books that keep me laughing and crying over and over again when I need them to. I am only just starting to deal with my own addictions and one of the things that made me finally realize that I have a serious problem was when I noticed that I was avoiding rereading Rachel's Holiday, a book I really love. I knew it would hit far too close to home.
I'm now seeking help, I've found a group and I'm getting better. Life can be so much more and I hope to get there one of these days.
You are an inspiration.
Thankyou!

Magdalena

Posted by Magdalena on 15/04/2010

I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess - Martin Luther King. Hope the fog is lifting Marion and your feeling better, my dad would say if u ever got lost in the fog put your jacket on inside out and you will find your way home :)

Posted by LC on 09/04/2010

I miss you. Please come back. i send you this and hope it helps. What do you think?

http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html

Posted by Emma y Victoria on 08/04/2010

Marian,

I have just finished rachel's holiday for the second time, crying all the way to the end (and the some after).

You really are one of the most talented writers, I love every book you've written or been a part of, in my house everyone knows you as 'marian' (as in where the bloody hell are my marians? shush!! be quiet im reading my marian! when i grow up i want to be marian!!im plenty old enough to be grown up but still...) even my mother the crime/horror/thriller book addict loved your books!!and none of us thought she could be turned without mafia connections and murders every other page!
I hope your sad time passes quickly, wishing you well

xxxxx

Posted by wannabe-walsh-sister on 07/04/2010

Dear Marian, although I do not suffer from depression myself, I do know a little about it, my Dad had a really bad breakdown and suffered from severe depression a few years ago. Althought it has taken him a long time to get over it, he is now well on the road to recovery so please don't give up hope of coming through this.
I really really hope that you find your way back soon and please know how much you are loved and missed.
You have been in my thoughts since January.
Lots of Love
xxxxx

Posted by harlequinn on 07/04/2010

hello marian hope life is good soon you truly are the brightest jeannie sunderland

Posted by groovy on 04/04/2010

Hi marian, Like you i am a recovering alcoholic in AA, a depressive, i also suffered from bulimia for many years. Mental illness is no stranger. The best piece of AA advice i was ever given was that AN ALCOHOLIC SHOULD NOT GO INTO HIS OWN HEAD ALONE.So i don't, as i see it as not just harmful, but dangerous, especially with a head like mine.i am able to live (relatively) happily in this world, doing everything in my power to help others. i also think depression is a manifestation of our 'ism' the maladay of the spirit. I wish you well, and hope like me, you just attend meetings, share honestly, and follow the 12 step programme that saved our lives. This too shall pass. Love and Best Wishes. Sissy xx

Posted by Sissy on 02/04/2010

Dear Marian,

I know you ve already a lot of readers-to-read but today is april the 1st and it puts me in a “joy and communication” mood. Yes. Because today is The Funny day of the year. Well, at least it's the funny day of the year in France, I don t know about other countries, but here, we make jokes all the time (on the news for exemple, they announce that the president marry a model/singer –wait, no that is no joke- well they announce that M. Jackson is actually alive or that Peugeot created a new car capable of driving backward. Well. We die of laugh, here, in France). Anyway, it still puts me in a good mood, probably a vague memory of sticking fishes in my teacher’s back, which can only be laughable for the rest of a life. So here I am, writing to Marian Keyes. I wanted to tell you that besides all the qualities other readers pointed out (and that I truly share), I appreciate your vision of Ireland. I and My-own-Himself went there for a week in November and we fell absolutely in love with the place. Listening to Sharon Shannon in the car, looking at the magnificient trees, having a wonderful time with a wonderful singer at the Blue Haven in Kinsale. Well, we loved the place. And in Further under the cover, which I m actually reading, you describe such feelings of pride for the country, that I wish, we, the French, could try some day. But actually, French people just looooooooooove to hate France and I, as a native Parisian, just loooooooove to hate Paris. Of course I feel dizzy after just few hours in Province, of course I come back from Tokyo, NY and Rome saying that there is not such thing as Paris, but in my daily life, I just loooove hating Paris. Which brings me to my next and last point : you should definitely move there for a while. I truly believe it s the best city to live nicely a depression, actually I think it s the city of Love, Light and Depression.Here you don t need to have your leg broken, people, not only understand you can be depressed, but assumed you are. Here, having your make up smashed all over your face, your fingers eaten and your kilos not controlled (too much or too few either way) is a lifestyle. Calling your shrink by her nickname and bringing her to holidays with you is the rule. Being mad, rude and pissed with everyone, - well, I guess you ve been in Paris one day- is common culture. So here is my proposition : come and have a cure of parisian lifestyle, I and My-Own-Himself offer you our lovely apartment in exchange…of a lovely house in Kinsale.
Bises.
Héloïse

Posted by Héloïse on 01/04/2010

You might not really be able to hear this at the moment but you friggin rock Marian. Your books are so brave, open and funny. You touch my heart and take me on an emotional journey which thrills and entertains me immeasurably. You make me feel like I know you and your characters and I experience a genuine feeling of grief when I finish your books. Wishing you lots of courage Marian!

Paul

Posted by pauld on 31/03/2010

Marian, you continue to be in my thoughts ---

You suppose you are the trouble. But you are the cure. You suppose that you are the lock on the door
But you are the key that opens it
It's too bad that you want to be someone else
You don't see your own face, your own beauty
Yet, no face is more beautiful than yours.

--Rumi

Posted by mullanerf on 30/03/2010

Im sorry! I just read it above now and very sad to find out, that you are depressed! Write a book about it, maybe it will help?
Love for you from Denmark!

Posted by Cirkeline on 29/03/2010

Dear Marian.
Im sorry, I didnt read the above. Im too exited that I found this webpage!
Im a Danish girl and a HUGH fan! Are you coming to Denmark ever???
I completely idolise you. I have a blog myself and some sort of writingtalent (in danish of course) and you are my great inspiration. I almost just recently discovered you for real - I read Sushi for beginner, but for a long time ago - and suddenly you popped up again, since I got three of your books for my last birthday. You are så fucking hilarious I cannot believe it :D I cannot belive you age compared to the beliveable caracters you make up. Im in awe! Danish humor is exactly like this. Ironic and sarcastic to the bone, I cry of joy when I read your books. I could go on and on and on right now with big words about you, but all I have to say and really beg you:
Please dont EVER stop writing new books! Ever!!

Love and a lot of good wishes for you (and more books) in the future.

Cirkeline, Copenhagen!

Posted by Cirkeline on 29/03/2010

I hope you feel better soon Marian. I think you are just fabulous!

I like this wee poem and I hope you will too.
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me

Posted by McCarron on 29/03/2010


For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke

Posted by keire on 28/03/2010

Hello Marian,
No one's written anything for a while so I thought I would so as you'd know people are still thinking of you.
Since I read about you, I haven't stopped thinking about you and how you feel.
I know what you are going through and how desperate or abandoned you are feeling right now, I have been there myself. Knowing how you have felt before, always remember that this will pass. The day when you feel this darkness lift from you will be one of the happiest, not only for you and your loved ones, of who there are many, but for millions of others worldwide.
I receive inspiration from your books, and am only hoping that you find something that could help you, even if only to raise a smile.
Thinking of you always, and hoping, waiting, wishing for you to feel better,
yours always,
Rachel x x

Posted by Rachel on 26/03/2010

Sorry, you are depressed.
I can tell you, that you have improved some hours of my life (male in my fifties)... that I've spent reading "Last chance saloon" (bought for 0,5€ in a second-hand shop, Bilbao-Spain, I’ll buy new ones…)
By the way, your English is difficult, but I’ve laughed to tears with the adventures of Lorcan, the womanizer… when Lorcan’s goose was cooked…
(where is the goose? fortunately one of my dictionaries clarify this idiom)
Good luck and go on making readers happy.

Posted by jaldapeta on 16/03/2010

Dearest Marian:

In a weird twist of coincidences, I was listening to the audio version of "Under the Duvet," the chapter of which was on alcoholism and depression. I have thought a lot about these two issues which are so intertwined for the past few months. My father is an alcoholic and now suffers from dementia. I have suffered from depression most of my adult life and currently am on a med that probably is not helping any.

I was sorry to see that you are waging a battle once again with depression and just wanted you to know how important you are to me and to so many other people. I find myself in so many of your characters and books and know that in the end, some good will come of this crazy life we live. You are a beacon for so many of us and truly, I have learned a lot about myself, my parents and my family in general. I have read the books and have them on audio as well. Many times I have an "Aha!" moment that inspires me.

Thank you for all you do and please take good care. Everyone needs a break and some time to get under the duvet to battle demons before we find the strength again to see the light of day! And you WILL see the light of day!

Thank you, Marian!

From D in Seattle, Washington, United States

Posted by seattleattic on 15/03/2010

Dear, Sweet, Wonderful Marian,
When I first read of your recent struggles, I was in a bad bout of my own, and I felt sympatico with you. Like so many have said, I, too suffer from depression, and this last episode was the worst I've ever had, but I have now come back into the light, and I know you will, too. I am sending love and good vibes your way from Baltimore, Maryland across the ocean.
Last week, my teenage daughter had a severe emotional crisis and had to be hospitalized. It has pained me to learn that I have passed on the cursed genes to her. My saving grace in driving back and forth to visit her has been your new book, The Brightest Star in the Sky, which I have been listening to on CD in my car. Oh, what a gift it has been to me! I have become so attached to your wonderful characters, and I have laughed out loud through the whole thing. (By the way, tell your sister she does an EXCELLENT job with the narration!) Thank you, Marian, for helping me through my current family crisis. Your books have brought me such joy over the years, and I feel confident that joy will come back to you a thousandfold before too much time passes. Feel better soon, darling lady!

Love,
Bev

Posted by Bev on 15/03/2010

Marian, your books have touched me in so many different ways. I've laughed and cried and hurt along with all of your characters and can easily relate to them as well. I write to you from a small town in Western Canada where the sun is shining bright. I hope today the sun shines for you as well. I have lost many peple to depression and suicide, and I know how much it hurts somedays to continue on. Take care of your self, and take it one day at a time...

Posted by diannab1983 on 13/03/2010

Marian, my dearest,
I've recommended you to every friend who was laid low at some time of their lives.
It breaks my heart to visit this website and learn you have not yet recovered.
I've luckily never suffered from depression myself but I know how bad it can be and I sympathize with all of those who sadly are struck by it.
I hope with all my heart that 'Himself'will always hang on by your side and help you all the way out this fuc#%&* thing that's keeping you away from all of us.
I'm now living in France/ Switzerland/ Germany and updating my blog weekly.
You've always been an inspiration for me, as well as for man people, I believe.
You're great! That should be your mantra daily. Look at yourself daily and think: "Wow! I'm great!!!" You surely are. Love ya. Always have, always will.

Posted by natashavsalles on 13/03/2010

I'm very sorry to hear that you're not feeling well and I hope you recover soon.
Muchos besos desde España.
Catalina

Posted by Catalina on 10/03/2010

Hope things get better for you soon. I love your fiction but I always keep hopeful, humourous, honest depiction of alcohol addiction close to hand for encouragement. WE NEED YOU MARIAN!!!

If you are suffering from the loss of a loved one Virginia Ironside's You'll Get Over It- The Rage of Grief has some real truths in it. xxxxx Emma

Posted by Emma J on 09/03/2010

Marian,
I really hope the cloud passes soon and you feel some happiness again.
You've helped so many people with your books (For me it was This Charming Man and Watermelon) I hope our comments can help you
"Be Still sad heart, and cease repining, behind the clouds is the sun still shining."
Chloe

Posted by clo7 on 09/03/2010

Hi Marian,
I’ve just finished “The Brightest Star in the Sky” and I liked it very much. I didn’t want it to be over indeed but I was so intrigued with the story I just did a final big reading to know and it deserved it. I hope that you are feeling well.

Kisses and hugs,

Tatiana

Posted by tatiana on 09/03/2010

Hi Marian,

Just wanted to pop back and say hello, and to let you know I'm thinking of you often. I hope you are feeling better very soon. xxx

Posted by Emmax on 09/03/2010

I have read most of your books and just happened to google your name and found your website. I cannot tell you have relieved I was to read your blog. I feel like a black cloud is hanging over me and to add insult to injury I feel worse for even having the nerve to feel this way. I am employed, have a roof over my head and a wonderful family. I never discuss this bleakness knowing that those around me will think I should be ashamed of myself for thinking this way. I am sorry you are experiencing a dark period. If it's any consolation you removed a boulder from one of your fans shoulders by telling me in so many words - it's all relative. For that I am grateful and wish you well.

Posted by moefer on 05/03/2010

Dear Marian,
I hope you will get better soon. I know this is a malicious illness and I wish you the strength to get through this
Love Saskia

Posted by SaskiaMaria on 05/03/2010

no-one's written on here in a while so i thought i might...
I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts and have been everyday since January. It is a horrible horrible feeling to feel so helplessly unhappy and not be able to escape from it. Depression has affected someone very close to me and although I was on the outside, I could see how badly it does affect you. I really hope with all my heart you are getting better even if it's just the smallest step every day- it all counts towards recovery. Your books have entertained me for years. The first book I ever read of yours was Rachels Holiday when I was 11 (Not quite your target audience I know!) and ten years on you are still my favourite, I have all your books and get so much excitement just from knowing that you will be writing another. To think that this illness has taken over and curbed your amazing storytelling skills is enought to make ME depressed! The most important thing is to go at your own pace and recover in your own time... your millions of loyal fans will all be waiting for you when you come back.
(I'm still waiting for Helen's story- I LOVE the Walsh family!)
You and your talent are too incredible for you to allow this illness to consume you.
I really really hope you get better soon.
Lots of love
Olivia x

Posted by olivia88 on 04/03/2010

Oh Marian, I was so sorry to hear that you were in the midst of such a dark patch at the moment.

I know my words probably won't help much at the moment, but I just hope so much that you are surrounded by loving, wonderful people at the moment, and you let them help you out of this fog.

Be kind to yourself, and take all the time you need to start to feel right again. The pressure to be humorous all the time must be stifling at times. So please just focus on you and shifting this horrible illness.

All my love and best wishes to you.

Your number 1 Australian Fan,
Melnaie
xx

Posted by MellyJ on 04/03/2010

Dear Marian,

I bought a notebook today (I love to buy pretty or unusual notebooks to write in although would love your writing talent to fill them with so much more!). So anyway this notebook has a saying on it that I didn't even notice until I got it home (lovely surprise) and I thought of you:
"The Soul would have no Rainbow if The eyes had no Tears"
Sending you Light, Hope and Love x x x x

Posted by gem on 03/03/2010

I was just thinking about you last night. I am currently reading "Under the Duvet" after having devoured most of your other books and wanted to go on your website to thank you for them. I am in a bad depressive state myself at the moment and your books are one of the only things I look forward to right now. I was very surprised when I brought the site up and saw that you are also battling this demon depression. I also watched your video on YouTube about dealing with insomnia as I am having a pretty bad time with that as well at the moment. I don't know if the depression is causing the insomnia or the other way around. You seem like such a lovely person and I consider you a friend even though we have never met. I do hope your fog lifts soon and you see the sun again. One day at a time is all you can do. Sending you warm healing thoughts, hang in there.

Posted by Vicky C on 01/03/2010

Dear Marian
How are you feeling? I hope so much that you a fighting to come out of the dark place that you find yourself in. Although so many of your readers havent met you, you have the warmth and personality that shines through and reaches those who also at times find themselves in very dark places. Much love to you and positive thoughts. XXXX

Posted by Louise on 01/03/2010

Hey...don't worry about what the journalists have to say...you have loyal readers like us, and we all hope you feel better soon! This is why you're work is so easy to read, you're so very REAL!! Thanks for all of your wonderful books, and feel better soon!

Posted by searain9903 on 28/02/2010

Dearest Marian,
I just wanted to add my voice to the many here, we all think you are wonderful...we know you are wonderful. I know that when you feel "the reds" (that sums it up perfectly for me) that you could have George Clooney standing there asking you to marry him and that somehow even he couldn't make the pain vanish. But I know from my own experiences that it helps to know that you are loved, it takes the edge off slightly (I still have all the lovely texts in my phone from a little while ago when things were very bad for me, and I still look at them). I know how it feels to almost want to have a broken leg to show everyone, just because it's so much easier to explain to people. A very lovely lady who happened to be a nurse once told me that "people like us" are special, she explained that we feel more, and it hurts so much sometimes, but it makes us great human beings. I love your books, I think you are fabulous and I know you will feel better and feel the sunshine again...remember, nothing ever stays the same xxxx

Posted by lexylever on 27/02/2010

Marian your books have helped me through many a dark hour. My 13 year old daughter and I are such fans, and have been thinking of you. Here's a funny for you:
My very own Himself, never very observant, and with a shocking record of poor present-buying, very proudly presented me with a gift: a shiny new copy of your latest, because he knows I'm a fan. Daughter scathingly points out the book I had been reading for a week on our family holiday. snap.
Take care of you, you are very precious to us all, and you do so much good, with your writing and your generous support of good causes.
love
Steph
NZ

Posted by steph1 on 25/02/2010

Dear Marian,

A prayer from me to you-

May light warm your heart
May serenity soothe your mind
May courage shake
The ache from your bones

May the divine essence
Awaken your soul
And may you be blessed
With joys of simply being

Much love across the sea,
Ali
Australia

Posted by alimacdotcom on 25/02/2010

Dearest Marian,

You make me cry with laughter everytime I read either your newsletter or your books. I can hear your voice, and you are not afraid to make fun of yourself! I love that you are so witty yet self-depricating, but I fear that like me, that is your achillies heel. Right out there in the open for anyone to see. Whenever bad stuff happens to me I can make other people cry with laughter, like the time my computer down-loaded all that porn in the middle of a presentation, like the abusive boss who tried to drive me mental, or the time I ate a box of Beacon easter eggs a day after my son was born. If you feel bad living in Ireland in the recession, you should give the third world a go. I feel truly dreadful driving past the homeless and destitiue evry day, but it still doesn't stop this feeling that I don't deserve to be here, be lucky, be alive. There's a line from a Robbie Williams song I love, "There's a hole in my soul, you can see it in my face, it's a real big place."

Love your work, love your voice and hang in there. My theory is "fake it till you make it" but some days I feel like I died 20 years ago and there is this shell of me still walking around, smiling and talking and faking it so well no one will ever know. Self indulgent no? You deserve to be happy, you desreve to be loved, you paid your dues and there is more joy in the world because you are in it!!

Just so you know, people in South Africa love your novels and send you their best love and wishes for a recovery.
xoxoxoxo

Posted by Ally Bee on 24/02/2010

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take care Marian, I hope the clouds lift soon xx

Posted by scottie on 23/02/2010

Dear Marian,
I just wanted to say how loved you are, by millions of people out there. You’re a truly beautiful person and deserve so much from life.
I’m 16 and have suffered from depression. I got so close to ending things that it scares me now. You were such an inspiration to me, because of what you’ve been through and how amazingly strong and brave you were to cope with it. You helped and comforted me, and millions of other people out there.
I know how you feel right now, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone someone as beautiful and caring as you.
I hope that this lifts for you soon, and you feel the love and happiness that you deserve.
All my love and hope,
Rachel x x

Posted by Rachel on 22/02/2010

Sending you well wishes from across the pond in Seattle WA. I am encouraged by your honest assestment as I've been going through similiar feelings. My life has been a strange imitation of your characters in "The Charming Man" and Mauve's in "The Brightest Star in the Sky". To protect my identity I sent a summary through your contact page. The following quote has become my daily mantra: "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." YOU MUST DO THE THING YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO. By Eleanor Roosevelt

Posted by Sweetpea on 22/02/2010

Hi Marian,

You have brought a lot of pleasure into my life through your books. I am sorry to hear that you have depression. Technology has improved and there have been amazing advances in the drugs available to treat it. My experience was that I could not cure my depression with depressed thinking - it really is an illness. After struggling for a year meditating, reading self-help books, exercising, taking Chinese herbal medicine, visiting kinestheologists, psychologists, et al - I finally took medication and was back to feeling like myself again in 3 weeks. I don't know if you are on medication or battling through on your own and it is none of my business really.
My experience was that it was not because I had not worked through certain steps etc.

Wishing you all the light and love in the world. Thank you for the happiness you have given me - if it comes back to you tenfold when this passes then you have happy days to come.

X Cindy

Posted by Cindy L on 20/02/2010

All my love Marian. I'm very sorry you've been unwell.Take care, you will get better. xxx

Posted by alex on 20/02/2010

Adding my love to the pile here! I hope you feel better very, very soon.

I recognised when I first read your books that here was someone who knew depression in a way I would rather no other human being did. It's such a terrible illness. From one sufferer to another, please accept my love and positive thoughts. I and so many others are proof that this, too, will pass and you will come back to life, and back to us, your devoted readers. Meanwhile take care.
Helen
xx

Posted by Helen Nightingale on 18/02/2010

Dearest Marian - it's been a fairly hideous time recently for so many people. My heart goes out to you.
I was reading about Winston Churchill the other day and his 'black dog' and it is an excellent description. But every time the fog lifts - well I like to think that 'Out of something ugly, something beautiful is born'. (you can have that one on me!)
Every time there is depression, an accident, a tragic event - anything terrible and all consuming, after, months after... we can look back and see clearly how, in some small way, every single time - one good thing will have come out of it.
Right now you will probably want to punch the screen reading this - but trust me... it works. Knowing the love of someone who has gone instead of missing out on having them in your life - that has to be a good thing yes? And with depression - well you have, with a wealth of understanding touched so many many hearts, that they are on here telling you they love you, support you and wish you well.
Be safe, take care, and remember - it's just one small step at a time. Generally with the aid of chocolate & Himself
Much love to you
MrsElsieE xxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by MrsElsieE on 18/02/2010

Dear Marian

I just wanted to say thank you. I, too, suffer from depression. Your honesty is a godsend. Most of my family suffer from clinical depression which makes for some fun family get-togethers. However, it's considered shameful and embarrassing by my parents so we don't talk about it - ever. Even when my father is so bad that he's locked himself in his study, is semi-delusional, paranoid and threatening to run off to Argentina because we're all out to get him (he went there once and hated it so we don’t believe him), my mother says he's just in a bad mood and that a nice walk on the moors will do him the world of good. Possibly true, but she says that after she's called the solicitor and the accountant... just in case.

I have been very lucky and have somehow avoided a serious bout for several years. However, I'm slipping into one now and I'm nearly all of the way there. I haven't spoken to anyone - apart from the cat - for 10 days; I don't leave the house, I'm not sleeping, showering or getting out of my PJs, I am eating (unfortunately, too much), and I'm doing my usual thing of climbing into the smallest, darkest places I can find to become as invisible and cocooned as possible. Thankfully, due to previous experience, I know where this is going, and that although I shall be out of commission for quite some time, it will get better. I think depression is like a bubble trapped underwater – you’re stuck as long as you’re stuck, but eventually something will shift and you’ll rise to the surface. But until then, you just have to wait it out.

Sorry for the waffle, but it helps me so much to know that someone as talented and strong as you goes through the same thing I do, and you achieve so much – though I know that’s not going to do a lot for you right now. The quotes were inspiring – particularly Dorothy Parker and Winston Churchill. And as for the rest of your fans? I’m ignoring the advice on brisk walks and endorphins, as I don’t think I’m capable of moving that much at the moment. But the advice, acknowledgement and understanding is such a reassurance. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve touched so many people through your books and through your honesty, and provided people like me with the support I didn’t know I needed. I know you probably won’t read this for a while – when I’m underwater I can’t manage much more than “Murder She Wrote” marathons. I find Angela Lansbury oddly comforting. But I hope you do read this eventually and understand that we all, in our own and different ways, understand and empathise.

See you when the bubble rises,

Feel better,

Sarah

Posted by Salton on 17/02/2010

Thinking of you Marian - I hope that fabulous smile is back on your face again soon. You are truely a Bobbie Dazzler!! XX

Posted by Louise on 17/02/2010

Hello
I would like to say that I was very upset when I found out how bad you were feeling and hope that everything gets better for you. You are my idol and your books always make me happy when I read them. I hope you had a good pancake day aswell x

Posted by Frazer on 17/02/2010

Dearest Marian,

I have never read one of your novels but this weekend listened to Under the Duvet.
(I love your voice and accent) - We are both Virgos, both came into this world despising ourselves, both had destructive behavior - I suppose this is not so unusual but I wish I could share with you what I have learned. The darkness has not come back for me in the past three years but my story is long and I couldn't write it here. If there is an address - maybe the book company? - I would write you you and maybe, possibly it could help. Much love and prayers for your quick exit from the "hole". A.O.

Posted by amolynick on 15/02/2010

Marian, I have already commented on this and I don’t know if you’re reading these. I just wanted to say, I THOUGHT I had read all of your novels. Imagine my delight when I realised that I had somehow missed one- ‘Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married’. Naturally I got my hands on a copy as soon as I could. I’m about a third of the way through and I am really, really loving it. I think it may be my favourite, though that could be because it’s just what I need right now. I wish I could write as wittily and sensitively as you do. Yet again, one of your novels is helping me get through a horrible, anxious time. Thank you. Love and light to you. xxx

Posted by EveLouise on 14/02/2010


Marian,
I'm including some poems that have helped me. Be well.


In the Art Gallery

The painting of flowers

next to the painting of flames,

and I remember that time, years ago,

when the psychiatrist said, "You feel too much,

you are too sensitive, take these,"

giving me a bottle of pills. I took them

to the beach, watched light become flame

on the water, and along the ragged cliffs,

small flowers like blue stars,

the world a painting

I couldn't live in.

I opened the bottle, then put it down,

pills spilling on the sand.

Waves carried the flames

and didn't mind the burning,

the arising from and disappearing

into the vastness. I swam,

let the waves take me,

then treaded water, looking at the sky,

a silver tray full

of the most beautiful nothing.

I swam back, the water was black,

I could sink beyond caring,

but I wanted to live,

to be there

with the beauty and the burning

and let it be too much.
Susan Browne

Wait



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Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven't they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don't go too early.
You're tired. But everyone's tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.
Galway Kinnell
Father's Day

No one answers, but I hear the TV's drone.

I push open the door and there's my old dad

hanging like an exhausted gymnast over the arm of the couch,

his fingers touching the floor, his pajamas on inside out.

How does he survive

the booze, the pills, the lack of food

and love? Who could love him? I love him,

but what is this? Again,

I have found him in time to take him to the hospital.

"I want to die," he cries as I fold him into the car,

and it becomes his mantra while I drive

past the bowling alley, the gun shop.

Should I stop and buy a pistol?

"I have nothing to live for," he says.

What can I say?

There is nothing to live for;

we make it up as we go along.

The earth didn't have to exist,

but here it is, and here we are,

parked in the Emergency lot.

He stares fiercely out the windshield.

I touch his hand; it's cold and scaly.

"There's always bowling," I joke.

"I don't bowl," he says.

We smile at each other.

"There's this," I say to my father.
Susan Browne

Posted by jenniferkate on 14/02/2010

Hey Marian, I love your writing! Please know that many appreciate and look forward to all of your books! P.S. www.joycemeyer.org...Joyce is a great help!

Posted by gypsey66 on 11/02/2010

hey marian.. just like to say been where you are many times and like to say no one can understand the place your in now.but hang in there you know you will get better :-)

Posted by maz1 on 10/02/2010

Having been a suffer of depression myself I pass on what helped me was lots of Vitamin B. Get yourself on to some good quality Vitamen and Mineral tablets and Omega 3 Good Luck. Hope you will soon come through. As avery good wise woman told me.'Don't fight it, go with it; The day comes when the light shines again.

Posted by grandma11 on 10/02/2010

I know how hard it can be...hang in there, Marian...

Posted by smusic on 10/02/2010

Dear Marian,
Please take some comfort from the fact that, though you are wading through the murky depths of depression, you are bringing joy and inspiration to readers all over the world.

We love you. We need you. And we will wait for you.

I wish you all the strength in the world to battle the demon that is depression. x

Posted by Madame Charbon on 10/02/2010

Very big hugs and hope you feel much better soon. Although I don't suffer from depression myself I've seen my stepmum and occasionally my sister laid low with it. This might help lift your spirits a bit - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k

Posted by fi.mac on 10/02/2010

Dear Marian,
I've been lovesick these last weeks. Imagine, I was so lovesick that I stopped using my mascara because I was afraid I'd start crying on my way to work and look like a panda when I'd arrive in the office.
Then I cheered myself up by reading "Andybody out there", and it worked. Today was the first day I used the mascara again.
Thank you and get well soon!
Julia from Germany

Posted by Julia35 on 08/02/2010

I was very sad to hear you were blue. I have always enjoyed your books. I have suffered on and off with depression for years and I know how hard it is. I recall listening to an intervew you did on Radio 2 about the fact you had battled depression and it really gave me hope that someone so talented and brilliant was brave enough to admit to having depression. I hope you get better soon. You make lots of people very happy!!!

Posted by Blizz on 08/02/2010

Hello Marian,
A quick one to say I have just finished 'rachel's holiday', for the second time. Finished it about 10 minutes ago. I have laughed out loud and cried through it for the second time and wanted to thank you x x x
I wrote not long ago about my latest depression lifting recently -I'm still bright but have good and not so good days -today being not so good but 'rachel's holiday' has helped me through and made me feel less alone.
It's been a while since I read your books (have read them all in the past) and after enjoying re-reading 'rachel's holiday' so much (even more than the first time if that's possible!) have decided to re-read the rest. Your books are the only books that have ever made such an impact on me that I've gone to tell friends what's going on with Rachel or Clare or Anna, as if they're a mutual friend! I open my mouth to fill people in and then think, no! they're not real people Gemma! Ha -so thank you for making such an impact on my life.
I'm guessing that you're still in the dark as Himself wrote your newsletter recently so am sending you hope, light and love x x x x x x

Posted by gem on 07/02/2010

Marian

I'm so sorry to hear you are not feeling well. You are right, depression is an illness, a terrible illness. Take the time you need to feel better and just know that you are not alone, not matter how much it might feel that way.

I hope you feel better soon.

A.

Posted by Mazza on 07/02/2010

Marian I know exactly what you mean about feeling low. I am just out of that place and I thought i never would be either. You have to believe you will get out of it. I have been where you are a few times and have ALWAYS gotten back into the good place. Hang in there.

Posted by helenfeb on 07/02/2010

you know what love....make your bed everyday,thats all u need to do, lets the rest go.

Posted by keire on 07/02/2010

Dear Marian
I, like everyone here and many more, am a huge fan of your work. You are so in tune with human nature and have a great deal of empathy for people, an extremely valuable trait. From what you have described about your family and friends, it sounds like you will have a great deal of support during this difficult time. I hope you also have an empathic and understanding GP/health care professional that you can discuss things with. When I hit a low patch I dwell on past mistakes, feel guilty for every cross word I have initiated and despair at the problems (past and present) in the world. I feel so emotionally drained. I'm describing these experiences to let you know that I am aware of what you are going through, and even though each person suffers with their depression in different ways, I can completely understand the feelings of apathy and wanting to hide away from the world. I hope the light shines your way soon.
Kind regards
Purple x

Posted by purpleshoes on 06/02/2010

Marian, Try and get out and walk for 1 hour every day, the exercise endorphines really help.

Posted by Cat on 06/02/2010

Dear sweet Marian,

I wish I was good with the written word, but alas, it was not meant to be one of my talents, so I will try my best. I am a HUGE fan of you and your books. I've read them all so many times and take them everywhere that they're a bit tattered (but not less loved) by now. It helps, to shut down and escape into someone else's problems for a while. It's how I got over my depression 8 years ago. Luckily it's never reared it's monstrous head since then.

I was very sorry to hear you are still not feeling well. I think I am not the only one to have this inexplicable urge to just make you a cup of tea, hold you tight and fetch you chocolates. And I'm also guessing none of us even know you personally. Part of who you are is in those books, which is what I think so many people relate to. That's..well..incredible.

As a neuropsychologist, I (try to) help people everyday. But counting everyone I've ever seen in my line of work, I don't come close to the amount of people who's lives you've completely turned around. Please find strength, accomplishment, joy and pride it that, because it's nothing more than you deserve!

Lastly, having a himself that is currently very depressed (not the "oh I've lost my shoe" kind, the clinical kind), I must give hugs to your husband. It's hard to know what to do, what to say or not say. Having the heartwrenching desire to help your loved one, or even switch places, but knowing there's not really anything you can do. So Himself, hang in there, we'll all get out the other side stronger!

Get the care you need, and please don't be afraid to ask for it, there is no shame in this. None.

My thoughts (all of em happy, I PROMISE!) are with you both!

Lots of candles and chocolates,

Marloes (The Netherlands)

Posted by Loeske17 on 05/02/2010

Dear Marian,
so many people in Poland love you, too!! Such a strong, brilliant, beautiful woman who's changed lives of so many people can't suffer long! That would mean so many of your fans suffering! That wouldn't be fair. Be your strong, motivating others self soon. You're the sun for so many- shine on. All my love,Alex.

Posted by alex on 05/02/2010

Dear Marian,
Fist of all, sending you a virtual batch of delicious ice cream (not of I scream..lol)and comforting chocolate.

I have lost my job last week, sacked for no real reason "not enough motivation" so I have been told. I had to pack my stuff and leave immediately, followed by one of their Rottweiler secretary.It felt awful and I could feel infuriating helplessness and bruning shame boiling inside me, even though I somehow knew that I really hadn't done anything wrong.Usually I am told that I am smart and very perfectionnist gal, so most of times I rather got praises on my formers jobs. Now I am trying to cope eventhough I feel like a horrible bitch from hell, I try to be civile to people around me and to reduce my wrath when I have company. Nonetheless, my family are looking forward to calmer wheather, if you see what I mean..Can't really blame them poor things...
I am writing you this because although I have already read every single book of yours, I am re-reading them and truely you help me. When reading your books, I get attached to the characters and their respective adventures. It's like having a coffee with friends and listening to their stories, nodding along, laughing hard, or simply feeling compassion.

Thank you sincerely for being you, and helping people through agreable or rough times with your experience and typical Irish humour that is absolutely blissful!!! I am certain you will find the strenght to get better. You matter to a lot of people. I am sending you all my best healing thoughts!!! :) Cheers, Dee

Posted by Princess on 05/02/2010

Dear Marian - I just wanted to say "Hi" and give you a hug. I'm also experiencing depression and know how tough it can be to get through the day. But try to look after yourself. It's really important to keep some of the more mundane things going. i find it gives me a kind of structure when everything seems to be falling apart. But everything is fluid and unstable, and accepting that can be frightening sometimes. Let it flow through you, if you know what i mean. Do whatever it takes to see you through the day. go for walks. cook a meal. wipe those surfaces clean. keep breathing. let go. don't panic. everything is just fine exactly as they are.lots of love. mac

Posted by macuk on 05/02/2010

Sorry to hear you're still feeling so low. Having just come to the end of a particularly nasty period of anxiety and panic attacks, I hope that it eases from you soon. lots of love. xxx

PS Other Half bought me This Charming Man for Christmas (reading for the second time already). He never recognises my friends by either name or face, but he managed to recognise you from your picture on the back of the book. He's never read your books, but you've still managed to make an impression on him!

Posted by Miggins on 05/02/2010

Marian. I appreciate the pain you're going through. I, like many others, suffer from depression. Your books have helped me through the bad times. As much as I look forward to your next book, I also hope for you to get better. I hope you have something (other than loved ones of course) that can lift your head up off the pillow and know that you are only one person. You care so much about the world. It will never be one big happy place. It never has been. I had to learn this years ago, and try really hard to force myself to not get too involved (obsessivly) in the pain of the world. I am not turning my back on Haiti and our current economic crisis, including my own. I do what I can. For the people I love, and sometimes even for me.

Thinking of you lots from canada!

Kelly

Posted by klnewell on 05/02/2010

The Guesthouse

Mevlânâ Jelal-uddin Rumi



This being human is a guesthouse
every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,

Still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Posted by Aunty Social on 04/02/2010

Dear Marian
I just wanted to let you know that your books 'Under the duvet' and 'Further under the duvet' made me laugh at a time when nothing else could. So thank you for helping me through my own deep trough. Please, if you haven't already, read the books by Dr Claire Weekes. I hope that you're finally finding some light at the end of that dark tunnel. Hugsx

Posted by Egg on 04/02/2010

Marian, I find it so incredible that just this weekend I was laughing out loud reading "further under the duvet" on an airplane and that you are laid up with such sadness. I wish you a quick recovery and a strong dose of the joy that you bring to so many with your work.
God Bless --

Posted by Holtdeb on 04/02/2010

Like many of your fans and indeed 1 in 4 of the population I suffer bouts of depression. Not being able to read, write or indeed watch films seems impossible to non sufferers however to those of us in the know it means no escape.

I have read your books and those of susan morgan so often I can just dip into them chapters all over the place but still I can read.

Wishing you all the best to cope with this latest bout.

Regards x

Posted by 2299wd on 04/02/2010

Dear Marian,
I keep checking this space in the hope that you have posted a new newsletter, telling us that you are on your way back into the light! I so much hope that you are!!! And I hope that all the love and compassion coming to you from so many fans are a help and a comfort to you. Your books have made a huge difference to all of us! Please remember how loved you are and how loyal your fans are! We will wait for you!
Lots of love
Line, Denmark

Posted by puffin on 04/02/2010

I am soo sorry that you are suffering Marian, I too suffer with depression and found the book "Self Help for Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes very helpfull. Good luck x

Posted by Emma Welch on 03/02/2010

Hi Marian... I just wanted to tell you I send you my warmest wishes and love... I have only read a few of the comments posted by everyone here and to me it seems that you are loved by so many.

When I began to read your books I realised that the feelings of fear and hopelessness inside me were felt by so many....including you but we are all such good actors, pretending things are all fine; our blues bobbing up and down like the mercury in a thermometer until the tsunami hits... THE BIG ONE! You will be better but only in your own time...be kind to yourself the only thing that matters is you. We will wait for you no matter how long it takes my lovely... Take care x

Posted by willowy1 on 02/02/2010

Marian, you have been down before and you will get better again I am sure of it. In the meantime, here is a wee poem that has always picked me up. xxx
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Leesa x















Posted by leesaharker on 01/02/2010

Hi Marian,
I too have suffered from bouts of depression and know just how crippling it can be. Sending lots of love from Weymouth in Dorset and hope you are back to your old, hilarious and compassionate self very soon.
Kate xxx

Posted by katiedoubleu on 31/01/2010

Dear Marian, I've never written to anyone famous before! But feel compelled to write to you. I'm so sorry you are ill the "mean reds" or whatever form they are taking for you. It WILL pass. If you don't want to talk, don't. Just be what you can be, one day at a time. I love your work. Take care, come back when you are ready xx fwg.

Posted by fairwellergirl on 30/01/2010

i just stopped by to say thanks for the new book, only to find --sadly-- you're feeling blue.

does it help a smidge to know you've brightened my day with the new book?

hope so! i honestly haven't developed the appropriate empathy for depression. i understand bleak and roam around there a bit, but i also have a strong feeling for cycles. so i ride the tide and await the next crest of sparkling times.

i look forward to you joining us there, in your own time.

surely Mary Oliver poetry brings a bit of salve. my favorite is The Summer Day. "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" scribbled on each of my current journals, schedulers and notepads.

so, back to it i go. i love the new (to me) web site. hugs to you; be gentle.

Posted by bewellgroomed on 29/01/2010

Dear Marian
I have just signed up for an OU writing course (for absolute beginners) and our first task is to introduce ourselves and our favourite books. I googled your name, for a bit of background info, as 'This Charming Man' is, amongst others, at the top of my list. (The others in my group have all listed a load of pretentious nonsense!)I am so, so sorry to hear about your illness. Through personal experience with a very good friend of mine, I can totally sympathise with what you're going through.I know that nothing I can say or do will make the illness go away - the professionals are the best for that - but I do want to assure you that you are SUCH a worthwhile and needed person. Your have SO much to offer - and your work is loved by SO many people. The fact that you're such a successful writer will not, I know, make you feel any better about yourself - however, if only you could see through the darkness and realise that it's little old you who's loved and worthy - not just your work!
I hope you're back on track soon Marian.

Posted by Juniper123 on 29/01/2010

Hi Marian!
Hope you feel better soon! I had a bad bout of depression after my son was born... and i literally got out of it by staying in bed and reading your books... i absolutely love them. I am sure everyone can identify with someone at some point... it feels like someone understands what i feel... you have brought brightness to so many depressed souls.. hope you find some soon...
lots of love

Posted by iramathur on 29/01/2010

Marian, I met you this year at the Hay Festival and you were so bubbly. I hope you feel brighter soon and are back to your happy self. I am keeping you in my thoughts and praying for you. You'll come out of it soon, I'm sure xxxx

Posted by hepburnlady on 29/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I have been where you are and the only thing I can tell you is that you will get through this. Take it one day at a time. Wishing you well. xxx

Posted by Mandskelly on 28/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I just want to give you the biggest and warm hug from Spain.
Your fans just LOVES YOU and we want to see you as always, happy!
You know what? We spend two days in Dublin in last October, and me and my friends was wondering about finding you in any place.. can you image? 7 crazy girls looking for you??
And.. I have to tell you one more thing. Thanks to you, I´m a crazy for the Jo Malone perfume!! YES! Can you image my face when I saw the Jo Malone corner here in Madrid last Christmas in a Store Department??? I just RUN to smells everything!!!!
Recover soon Marian, we miss you!!
Barbara

Posted by FairyBarbara on 28/01/2010

Marian, you are an inspiration to thousands of people who love you you really are deep down. This feeling WILL pass, the darkest hour is always before the dawn. Perhaps see a therapist to talk things through until things look up for you. I too have suffered from serious depression and the most important thing to have is the HOPE that you WILL get through this.

Love and light

xxxxx

Posted by Carol on 27/01/2010

Hi Marian,
I'm so sorry to hear that you are so low. As a recent "sufferer" of depression over the last two years I really feel for you. It just takes over without any invitation or warning doesn't it. Just know that lots of people are concerned for you, feel great affection for you and we will wait until the clouds lift. Take care GillX

Posted by GillJay on 27/01/2010

Marian, Very few people have the talent or opportunity to touch the lives of so many in such a positive and remarkable way. You truly make a difference. I hope that gives you strength in your darkest hours. exx

Posted by Eugenia on 26/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I just finished reading your book This Charming man. It is a truly wonderful novel written with great sensitivity, sincerity and great sense of humour. I'm a writer myself and can't tell you enough how much I admire your work.
I'm so sorry to hear about your depression. I hope you know that you are not alone. I have found great comfort in Marianne Williamson's book Return To Love.
Here's a quote from it, hope it brings some light to your day:
"The perfect you isn't something you need to create, because God already created it. The perfect you is the love within you. Your job is to allow the Holy Spirit to remove the fearful thinking that surrounds your perfect self."

Lots of love,
Kira

Posted by Kira on 26/01/2010

Dear Marian, I do hope you feel better soon, I can sympathise with where you are at right now as I too have suffered from Depression throughout my life... I thank you for your honesty. All the best xxxxxxxx

Posted by pinklady78 on 26/01/2010

Dear Marian, your books have helped me through some dark times. The only thing I know for sure that heals depression -- (1)time and (2) help. Depression comes back -- it is a connection in some ways to the dark truth and realities of life and this world. Reconnecting with the light of life will happen. Please allow time to do its thing and take good care of your precious self.

Posted by candy on 25/01/2010

i want you to know that i love how you express your view of the world in your books. i have read them all(all your books i mean) and found that you are so clever the way that you write about the human condition, humorously and at the same sensitively your style is pure genius. i am of course saying this for a reason. i read in the paper that you were depressed and i wanted to offer you some consolation. you yourself have given consolation to what must be millions at this stage. you are a writer of great worth you reach millions with your message of hope (i always feel that there is a message that comes through in your writing it is one of triumph over adversity) you will in time (when you are ready) transcend your pain by once again allowing the light in by using your gift and genius of storytelling to shed light on depression that affects most of us humans some time or another and in varying shades black right through to the lightest of grey.
you take care now and know that you are much loved
when it will pass it will pass not a moment sooner.
i have always liked these few lines and i hope you like them too. ( from the fifteen century extract from Desiderata spelling might not be right)
go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence
you are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars you have right to be here
no doubt the univerese is unfolding as it should

Posted by greensleeves on 25/01/2010

Dear Marian,
Thank you so much for posting about this topic I am sure your honesty has helped a lot of people including myself.. I am 20 years old and I have suffered from getting stuck in the "black hole" it is such a horrible feeling. I thought I was never going to get out of it. I found that the book CBT for dummies helped.
I hope you feel better soon. You are a wonderful writer.xxxx

And the bottom line is, what defines you isn't how many times you crash, but the number of times you get back on the bike. As long as its one more you'll be fine :)

Posted by star007 on 25/01/2010

Hi Marian
The most important thing to remember is that it will pass and you will once again feel joy in life, I know it never feels like it will at the time but it will, we know that. Do the little things that help even if it's just making yourself a cup of tea and having a chocolate biscuit, you deserve to treat yourslef well.
Much love and care

Posted by eck on 25/01/2010

Dear Marian,
It's the first time I'm writing to you. I've just discovered your website, and I got really excited about the idea to keep up with your newsletter and get to kown you a little bit better.
I'm from Brazil, have 18 years old and I absolutely adore yours books. Here in Brazil, the translations of them to portuguese takes a bit long, they usually come out in about an year. And every time is painful to wait. I love family Walsh, and the books about them are my favourites. This week I1ve finished "Anybody out there" and I must have cried a river... Everything you write are so beaufitul and got me trough some tought times so many times, that I really wanted to thank you for sharing your histories with us, putting smiles on ours faces and helping me solve my own problems by understanding the hiddings mesages in yours books, wich make me so much company.
Makes me said to konw you're not feeling weel, and I really hope that you get better soon.You'll be in my prayers and I can only wish you the very best. Keep holding on 'cause you're gonna make it trough.
Lots of love,
Bella

Posted by Bela on 25/01/2010

Dear Marian
I don't think we've ever met but I've always liked and admired you (even before you wrote nice things about my childrens books!) I was so very sorry to read in the newspapers today that you're laid horribly low with depression. You've always seemed so brave and strong, so I hope that somehow you keep going and that one day the sun will shine for you again.

Very best wishes, Jacqueline Wilson

Posted by Jacqueline Wilson on 24/01/2010

Marian, I too know what that black feeling is and it's nasty. Hold on to the fact that 'this too shall pass' because it will. Hang in there girl and keep looking after yourself even when you don't feel like it. Be good to yourself, Chantel xo

Posted by CMV on 24/01/2010

Not having usffered from depression myself I can only offer sympathy, here's really hoping you're feeling better very soon! xx

Posted by Mel on 23/01/2010

Hope you are feeling better soon. It is a blech-y time of year.

My book club is reading This Charming Man this month (a reread for me) and I am about to start Brightest Star. So a MK double feature this month. :) Hugs to you, my abosolute fave!

Posted by Lou on 22/01/2010

Dear Marian: Your books make me smile at all times. I'm deeply grateful to you for that.
I'm sorry to hear your news... :-(
Get better soon, you are in my prayers.
Lots of love.

Posted by Gissela on 22/01/2010

Hi Marian, Thank you for your post. It takes incredible bravery to admit to depression, especially in such a public way.
I suffer with the black dog so although could never say I understand what you are going through, I do have an idea.
Last Thursday my latest depression lifted. Literally that day. It lifted and I felt it happen!
For about a month (although I have no real concept of the time scale)before Thursday I was very depressed. I couldn't function at all -no appetite, couldn't sleep, couldn't communicate with anyone and basically shut myself off from everyone. I've been through this a few times in my life and have had counselling and thought I had worked out my triggers and ways to deal with it but this hit me and knocked me for six. I wanted to die. I'm sure you understand. But. It lifted. I saw no light but it appeared anyway and I am sure it will for you.
You have an amazing talent and looking through the posts here you have helped a lot of people. I know right now for you this is just words. To me writing this it is more than that.
You will come into the light again.
"Shoot The Damn Dog. A Memoir of Depression" written by Sally Brampton, was sent to me when I was in a very dark place about a year ago and it gave me hope. I was shit off from everything and not functioning but somehow managed to read it and it gave me enough light to begin healing.
I find with depression, my experience, is a losing of the self. I do not know how to be me. I cannot cope or deal with anything. I don't know how to deal with any situation. This book helped me realise I wasn't the only one.
Loneliness is another major part of it for me.
Depression alters our perceptions so don't believe what you're seeing or feeling right now, it's the illness not reality.
I wish there was some way of helping you, the way you have helped so many others. I send you my love and light and love.
x x x x x x x x

Posted by gem on 22/01/2010

Dear Marian
Depression feels relentless and I am so sorry you are going through it. Just sending a message of support from Scotland to thank you for the joy and support your books have brought me.
Take care xx

Posted by Elly on 21/01/2010

Dear Marion
I am very sad to hear how you are feeling and I really hope you pick up soon, I have never experienced depression myself but a very close friend suffered for years so I know how you are feeling and nothing anybody says can really help.
I love your books and cannot wait for the next book to be released, I get so excited at the thought of buying the next one.
I hope you feel better soon.

Love and best wishes E x

Posted by EW on 21/01/2010

Dear Marian,
This is the first time I have ever written on one of these pages but after reding your news letter I felt complled to.
You bring so much light to others in what you do and so much joy, you just have to read all of the posts here to know that for sure.
You are a shining light that burns so bright but all lights need some time to stop and recharge so I hope that you get better soon and find the door out of the fog.

Much love
Andrea

Posted by Andi on 21/01/2010

Hi Marian,

I'll keep this short as I know what it's like to have clinical depression when you can't concentrate on anything and when people talk to you, you just watch their mouths move. Here's my tuppence for what it's worth:
a) get the drugs sorted. I tried 5 before I found one that worked (sertraline). Lorazepam is LUSH for anxiety (diazepam is for amateurs).
b) Remind yourself your seratonin levels are chemically low and it is that which causes you to think irrationally. If you had Ebola no-one would tell you to "think yourself positive" out of it!
c) For the reasons above I would recommend avoiding reading any books about depression or therapy as you probably spend every waking second analysing every thought and feeling and they just cause you to analyze even more and worry about what you've said/done/behaved.
d) Do whatever it takes to get yourself through another day whether that means drugging yourself up to the eyeballs if you're feeling terrified or staying in bed all day watching movies.
e) Get a nintendo ds if you haven't already and get a nice easy distracting game (not brain training!)
f) slow down. your newsletters make me tired just reading them. A woman who has published so many succesful novels and brought pleasure to so many people can now rest on your laurels for the rest of your life. Tell yourself you're going to take the next 5 years off and NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. Anyone who snipes about it are jealous and can STICK IT UP THEIR ARSE. And I'll end on that note. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by yabbadabbadoo on 21/01/2010

Dear Marian,
Some years ago my daughter Edel was attacked in London and seriously injured. She had worked in Prague with your brother. He must have told you what had happened to her because you sent a copy of your latest novel to her, with an inscription wishing her a speedy recovery. We have never forgotten that kind gesture of yours and know, knowing of your illness, I and Edel want to let you know that your are in out thoughts and prayers.
God Bless and take care of yourself,
Deirdre.

Posted by deirdreh on 20/01/2010

Dear Marian, when one is depressed there is very little that another can say to help. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. Your writing has meant so much to me. Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married is like my bible when I am feeling depressed. Thank you for giving that to me. I wish there were something I could do to help you. Please know that so many of us care for you and are sorry that you are experiencing this. I pray that this depression will turn for you and do so very, very soon. God bless you. Evette

Posted by Bowiedog on 20/01/2010

Dear Marian
I had to respond to someone whose own words have given me such pleasure and comfort. You are suffering the weight of th world, and it truly is devastating. Believe that there is an end to this too. I take comfort in what the Japanese call mono no aware - the fragility of eauty and the passing of everything. At the end you will be loved and safe, and you will know you have been all along by many. Be nice to yourself, sweetheart

Posted by Rachael on 19/01/2010

I wish you all the very best Marian, I know what you're going through and I also know it'll pass. You're books have made me laugh on days I never thought I'd laugh again so I hope you have something that brings you through it too.
Ps I think Grudge the dog from The Brightest Star in the Sky should have his own book..he's hilarious!
love, Hxxx

Posted by The H on 19/01/2010

Darling Marian, no-one understands depression unless they've been there. It is evil and debilitating illness. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to get better. Depression does not care if you are well off/lucky it picks who it picks. Please know that you have so much love and support out in the world for you. I'm sending you a virtual hug. Get better soon.

Love Joxx

Posted by Josie Jo on 19/01/2010

Dear Marian, even in your deepest depression you have done something beautiful. You should be very proud of yourself.
I too have never posted anything on line before but I feel compelled like others to add words of hope to what you have started, a never ending page of hope and love, an inspiration to all at all times. You must be proud.
Stay strong Marian. I too have been in the douldums of despair and known no light but I like others before me and others since have come slowly to the other side and see the joyous light of day. Thank God is all I can say, and thanks to those who stuck by me.
I have only scrolled and read a fraction of the posts tonight, and tears have come to my eyes remembering the dark times. I hope if ever the darkness comes again that some of the comments of inspiration posted here will let a chink of light shine through the haze.
Two inpsiration pieces that helped me through, amoungst many I will post below. Thank you for posting you snippets of inspiring prose that are helping you through. Isn't literature a wonderful thing.
Thank you for being so strong in your darkest moments to share your grief with us, when you are well again, please continue to high light how common and normal depression is today. Highlight how we are not mad, but how the world is such a mad place that sometimes every one needs to hide away a while.
I wish i could be brave enough at work to have the doctor write 'depression' on my sick certs, and to explain to those at work how much pain I have been in, and low someone can go, yet rise again to see a brighter day. Maybe one day I will enlighten my collegues as to the fact that life isnt as easy on us all.
So to my pieces of peace, one partial detailed in a post above is titled 'Dont Quit' and was given to me by my mother...
When things go wrong as they sometimes will. When the road your trudging seems all up hill, when funds are low and depts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh. Whrn care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must but dont you quit. Life is queer with its twist and turns as everyone of us sometimes learns and many a failure turns about when we might have won if we stuck it out. Dont give up though the pace seems slow, you may suceed with another vlow. Success is failure turned inside out. The silver tint on the clouds of doubt and you can never tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far, so stick to the fight when you hardest hit, its when things seem worst that you must not quit.

And...
A Prayer of Dreams Yet Unfulfilled.
I dream and go on dreaming for I must.
A man without a dream is dead already.
He has given up the race of life.
He has not yet reached the the peak and has stopped pursuing it.
And turned to amble down the hill again and leave this life unfulfilled.
A man of emptyiness, settling for small things, that dont really satisfy.
He leaves no mark in this world.
Oh God, dont let this man be me.
Though I may slip adn fall, help me to keep on climbing.
And though each brow revelas another and the peak id yet beyond.
May I keep on pursuing, as a man posseses, moved by vision, stirred with passion, invisable within.
May no cliff face deflect me.
No rock fall deter me.
No difficulty hold me back,
And may I never, never, nver head down that hill again,
And let lifes goal elude me.

....I'm not an overly religious person but,
To you and yours Marian,
May God bless you all,
and may hope spring eternal. Beunos Noches es Dias xo

Posted by Janeo on 18/01/2010

Marion,

I am also an on and off sufferer of depression.
I love to read books like yours or Meg Cabot’s to lift my spirits, even if only for a little while. I read them when I’m not depressed too! It was brave to admit this in such a public way. I’m sure the end is in sight.
Best wishes.
Pinky

Posted by Pinky on 17/01/2010

Marion,

I am also an on and off sufferer of depression.
I love to read books like yours or Meg Cabot’s to lift my spirits, even if only for a little while. I read them when I’m not depressed too! It was brave to admit this in such a public way. I’m sure the end is in sight.
Best wishes.
Pinky

Posted by Pinky on 17/01/2010

Marian, after all the comments already left, there isn't very much left to say. Depression is the ugliest thing and is an illness some will never understand. But you Marian, you are a beautiful woman, inside and out and you will overcome this. I too have suffered with it but have come out the other side, but, lately, I find myself sinking back into it. I'm trying to pull myself back out of it as I'm sure you will too. I look forward to good news however long it may take. Take care and God bless. XxX

Posted by Bekkib123 on 16/01/2010

if all else fails close your eyes and smile ..i dare you

Posted by lottie on 16/01/2010

when all else fails close your eyes and dare yourself to feel x

Posted by lottie on 16/01/2010

when all else fails close your eyes and dare yourself to feel x

Posted by lottie on 16/01/2010

It's a truly terrible place to be, I know. Take comfort where you can and take the best care of yourself. Sending so much love ♥ Karen xx

Posted by KarenM on 16/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I hope you feel better soon. Your romances always help me to feel better when I'm depressed.

Just think about this: everybody loves you, your fans love you, Tony loves you, even my husband loves you!

And I always want to look like you because you are beautiful and lovely.

Get better.

Posted by Lina on 16/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I hope yoy feel better pretty soon. When I get depressed, I read your books and I feel better, maybe you should do the same.

Well, just think we love you, Tony loves you and even my husband loves you!

And, see, I always wanted to look like you, you're so beautiful!!

Posted by Lina on 16/01/2010

Oh, Marian, I wish I was there to make you a cuppa tea. I just know that Himself has printed all these comments, and left them, neatly stacked in piles by day, in your in-bin. You're so talented, it makes me sad to think of you so waylaid. I wish you sunshine and springtime from the depths of January in the Midwest.
Hugs,
R

Posted by rps on 16/01/2010

I notice I am in a minority here...due to being male. I have never written to a web site before but I think you are so brave and a warrior to those of us that are struggling like you. I cannot say I have read your books but I have always enjoyed your demeanour and honesty.

Go well strong woman, do whatever you need to do for you...and from all of these pages you can see there is a lot of love and fellow warriors alongside you. xxx

Posted by Johnny on 15/01/2010

My thoughts are with you Marian...i too have serious bad boughts of depression...suddenly it arrives, unannounced and unwelcome...go with the flow...be kind to yourself and don't analyse it...when its ready to pass, it will!! Lots of love xx

Posted by shazzie on 15/01/2010

When I heard that my favourite writer in the world was not feeling well, I had to let you know: get better and I hope all these wonderful books have not left you mentally and physically exhausted.... I know that when you are feeling like that, words are really not enough to make you feel better. I really hope you see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon. Best wishes from your Spanish favourite reader.

Posted by elena on 15/01/2010

Dear Marian

The first book of yours that I read was Watermelon. Believe me, this book changed my vision of a lot of things and help me understand many things too. I'm really sorry for you, but I've learned something from your books..in the end there's always a hope to make everybody back to smile and dream with a better future, with a better life.
A lot of people like me needs your words, I really hope things get better and I wish better days for you.

With love, from one of your biggest fans, Juliana.

Posted by ju.liana on 15/01/2010

Dear Marian

The first book of yours that I read was Watermelon. Believe me, this book changed my vision of a lot of things and help me understand many things too. I'm really sorry for you, but I've learned something from your books..in the end there's always a hope to make everybody back to smile and dream with a better future, with a better life.
A lot of people like me needs your words, I really hope things get better and I wish better days for you.

With love, from one of your biggest fans, Juliana.

Posted by ju.liana on 15/01/2010

Dear Marian,
In the midst of my own long depression someone gave me Sushi for Beginners. It was a life-saving gift. I knew then I was not alone and the book remains my absolute favourite of your books, although I've read them all.

You are such a wonderful, worthwhile person and your books have been such good friends to me. I will pray for your speedy recovery.

Another Eeyore quote:
Pooh: "How are you Eeyore?"
Eeyore: "Not very how, I don't seem to have been how for quite some time."

Also I find Julian of Norwich a great comfort at times like this: "all will be well, all will be well and all manner of things will be well."

God Bless, Mary.

Posted by MaryK on 15/01/2010

Dear Marian,
In the midst of my own long depression someone gave me Sushi for Beginners. It was a life-saving gift. I knew then I was not alone and the book remains my absolute favourite of your books, although I've read them all.

You are such a wonderful, worthwhile person and your books have been such good friends to me. I will pray for your speedy recovery.

Another Eeyore quote:
Pooh: "How are you Eeyore?"
Eeyore: "Not very how, I don't seem to have been how for quite some time."

Also I find Julian of Norwich a great comfort at times like this: "all will be well, all will be well and all manner of things will be well."

God Bless, Mary.

Posted by MaryK on 15/01/2010

hey, there we are and then it slowly or suddenly leaves us, does it take some of us with it every time? or not!!

Posted by Nettie on 14/01/2010

Dear Marian I so hope you are better soon, I suffer from mild depression and I know how bad that can be so my heartfelt thoughts go out to you right now, a light at the end of the tunnel is that you have got better before and will do again take care and look after yourself much love T xx

Posted by tracylorraine on 14/01/2010

"If you are going through Hell...keep going." This helped me at rock bottom. You will pop out the other side. It will get (a lot) better.

Posted by ele on 14/01/2010

Marian, I am so sorry to hear that you're not well currently. I adore your books; you're my favorite author. I'm counting down the days until your latest is released here in the US.

It's very brave of you to level with all of us. I also struggle daily with depression, and it's so easy to think I'm the only one who feels so desperate for no reason at all. All the comments on here from others who struggle make me feel less alone. Thanks again.

Posted by jblodge on 14/01/2010

You are indeed very brave to be so open about an illness that many try to ignore. I like many others suffer. Many months of my life have been lost when that cloud comes down. I pray that your fog will lift soon. You are in my prayers. God bless

Posted by Cackers on 14/01/2010

I've been there. I've been so far down the hole I thought the only way out was through the bottom. Getting out isn't easy, but every ray of light is a bit of hope. Sometimes, it is something as deceptively simple as a friend saying, "it isn't fair! Why do you wonderful you feel so bad while there are so many happy assholes running around the world?" Or hearing that a wonderful writer named Marian Keyes has recommended one's work to others. :) The world needs you, bad. You have a special place in my heart. Lots of love.

Posted by sparkle on 14/01/2010

I've been there. I've been so far down the hole I thought the only way out was through the bottom. Getting out isn't easy, but every ray of light is a bit of hope. Sometimes, it is something as deceptively simple as a friend saying, "it isn't fair! Why do you wonderful you feel so bad while there are so many happy assholes running around the world?" Or hearing that a wonderful writer named Marian Keyes has recommended one's work to others. :) The world needs you, bad. You have a special place in my heart. Lots of love.

Posted by sparkle on 14/01/2010

I've been there. I've been so far down the hole I thought the only way out was through the bottom. Getting out isn't easy, but every ray of light is a bit of hope. Sometimes, it is something as deceptively simple as a friend saying, "it isn't fair! Why do you wonderful you feel so bad while there are so many happy assholes running around the world?" Or hearing that a wonderful writer named Marian Keyes has recommended one's work to others. :) The world needs you, bad. You have a special place in my heart. Lots of love.

Posted by sparkle on 14/01/2010

I've been there. I've been so far down the hole I thought the only way out was through the bottom. Getting out isn't easy, but every ray of light is a bit of hope. Sometimes, it is something as deceptively simple as a friend saying, "it isn't fair! Why do you wonderful you feel so bad while there are so many happy assholes running around the world?" Or hearing that a wonderful writer named Marian Keyes has recommended one's work to others. :) The world needs you, bad. You have a special place in my heart. Lots of love.

Posted by sparkle on 14/01/2010

Marian thank you for sharing!!!
'What I need comes
To me in the perfect time
And way, as I stop
Trying to control things and
Just go with the flow
Of life

Posted by Ingerbelle on 14/01/2010

"I'm not a toggler, I'm a smaller boy..." It's the small things that matter most and bring sunshine to an otherwise miserable day.

Posted by Chocolate lover on 13/01/2010

Hello Marian
I have never read any of your books but will keep a look out for them now. Judging from the comments on here they may be more for women but I am always willing to get in touch with my feminine side. I read of your depression in the Guardian and I hope that you will emerge safe and sound from the depths soon. I know what you are going through as have been struggling with the same thing. Have had family members who have had depression and you can never really fully understand it until you go through it yourself.
Congratulations on being so up front about your illness and I sincerely hope you recover soon!

Posted by David on 13/01/2010

Dear Marian, I was reading Sushi for Beginners when I was being treated for depression and your writing in that novel helped me gain a better understanding for the condition and well as giving me the feeling that the more it is talked about in the popular media, the less stigma will be attached to talking about it with the people you see everyday. It upsets me to hear that you are suffering and cannot see an end to it, but you should take some consolation in that you have made others suffering feel just a little bit better. My thoughts are with you.

Posted by LibbyBrodie77 on 13/01/2010

Hi Marian

I have counted that in about 10 days at least 564 people have sent you their love and support and that's not a shabby number by any means. It just goes to show you how many of us are entertained and inspired and motivated by you and your words. What I love about you (amongst other things) is that you go through the same things (how many posters have also said they suffer from depression?) and make no attempt to pretend otherwise. I can only quote my favourite mantra "This too shall pass" and send you as much love as I possibly can from the other side of the world.
KJ
(Perth, Western Australia)

Posted by KJ on 13/01/2010

0.. (the cat wrote that as she jumped onto my keyboard.) i laughed today, out load, several times, at something you wrote in rachel's holiday. and explained to a classmate (male) how brilliantly you treat the darkness with light. what a gift. the light will return. it always does. we are creatures of the light. the planet tilts and spins, face sometimes toward heaven, sometimes toward hell. and the wheel keeps turning. i send healing light your way. kathleen in canada.

Posted by katwiebe on 13/01/2010

Dear Ms. Keyes,

I will not pretend to know what you are going through. All I can say is I do hope you will feel better very soon. Take your time and don't worry about us! If there ever were any books worth reading over and over it is your wonderful tales!

Best wishes from on of many fans in Hong Kong

Posted by hkgirl on 13/01/2010

Marian, your books and words have been an inspiration. You'll feel full of love for life again, guaranteed. Before you know it, you'll be writing, laughing and eating percy pigs! We look forward to it- Cara xox

Posted by carababy88 on 13/01/2010

omg there are so many nice comments on here for you!
I love your books,love seeing you on strictly come dancing and love the new -look site...very "Bewitched"
I felt the way you feel this time last year... you WILL come through it.Love to you both xxx


Posted by ria m on 12/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I, too, suffer from depression. The thing that most helps me when I'm mired in it is the awareness that I am not alone.

You are not alone. People understand. People care.

Your books have seen me through many a hard time; your words have helped me stand up again, face the world.

Thank you for sharing your stories with the world. I am sending all my good energy toward Ireland in hopes that it reaches you.

Katie

Posted by KatieC on 12/01/2010

Dear Marian,
just because some are poorer or have less than you do, doesn't mean that you don't have the right to feel low or blue.
if having a family or a successful carreer meant you couldn't or shouldn't be sad or feel empty, then most shrinks would be broke!
happiness has nothing to do with having a roof, a job or being surrounded with people who love you... you can be as lonely as hell in a room full of people. it's about accepting who you are and trying to be your own friend, and it's also the hardest thing to achieve. so you shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty about feeling bad or depressed: you're brave enough to acknowledge you're not feeling good and that some things have to change, and that's more than most people can do.
don't be too hard on yourself. be sad if you need to be. you'll be happy when you can.
Julie

Posted by JustJulie on 12/01/2010

Marian, take care of you as the world can take care of itself for a while. Do whatever you need to do to get you better & we'll be here when you get back. Lots of loving hugs. Ange

Posted by Angel64 on 12/01/2010

wish you well Marian don't give up hope.

Posted by shazam on 12/01/2010

Marian, love, I feel for you. "Anger can be unconsciously repressed and internalized. It then becomes depression, i.e. anger turned inward.", David Richo, 'How to Be an Adult', one of the most helpful books I've ever read. Analyzing and understanding empower, then depression isn't a mystery that drops down from the sky. Nothing ever happens for no reason, including excessive drinking. I think depression has a message for you, dear, and I hope you feel my respect and admiration behind my words.

Posted by iamawriter on 12/01/2010

We never realised our 14 year old daughter was suffering with depression until on 6th Nov 2009 she tried to commit suicide. A few days later she went for a bath and asked me to read to her like i did when she was little. What to read to a 14 year old. Under the duvet jumped out of the bookshelf at me. I read snippets and she was laughing again. We continued for days as she bathed and your stories helped bring her round. We still don't quite have our little girl back but with your help we are getting there. I have all your books and she is now going to start reading them. Thank you and please keep writing as I know she will wait in anticipation for the next book as i do. Get well soon and i hope my story lifts you cause you helped my girl.

Posted by Janette on 12/01/2010

Please get better soon. I know there is nothing comforting at this stage, but my thoughts go out to you. Your books have made depression real for a lot of people, including me.
Lots and lots of love!

Posted by Mila on 12/01/2010

There's nothing wrong with feeling sad
They are the moments of clarity when we take our heads our of the clouds
Have a good look around and say
Everything is not all right with the world
Everything is not all right with my life
Why am I am even here?
Life is hard, harder in high heels
So why don't you sit down for a while
Let life go away and come back
When it's feeling better.

Posted by Debstar on 12/01/2010

There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad
They are the moments of clarity
When we take our head out of the clouds
Have a good look around and say
Everything is not all right with the world
Everything is not all right with my life
Everything is not all right and I’ve no idea why I feel this way
Life is hard, harder still in high heels
So why don’t you sit down for a while
Let life go away and come back when it’s feeling better.

Posted by Debstar on 12/01/2010

2004/2005 are lost years in my life. Now I can see the loveliness again. You will too, soon I pray. Love Pat

Posted by peregrino on 11/01/2010

My advanced (US) copy of "Brightest Start in the Sky" came today and I am just beaming with excitement. Every book is like a vacation. We are so lucky that you write! All of your fans are here cheering for you, Marian!

Posted by Pailin on 11/01/2010

I'm sending much love and sunshine straight to your heart, all the way from New Zealand..I just know it will get through the snow xxxx

Posted by Ashleigh on 11/01/2010

I'm sending love and sunshine straight to your heart all the way from New Zealand..I know it will get through the snow xxx

Posted by Ashleigh on 11/01/2010

Dearest Marian,
I just wanted to give you some support because your books have given me so much support over the years.I know all too well how you feel so wanted to let you know what has helped me in the past in case one them can help you.

In no particular order -
1. CBT books the "Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns and "Mind Over Mood" by Greenberger and Padesky. These are easy to read when depressed, with work-book style layouts.
2. The wonder drug Sertraline which I thank the Lord for every night after trying so many.
3. Rom-com DVDS/ "Curb your Enthusiasm" box-set.
4. "Pefumes: The A to Z Guide" by Lucan Turin and Tania Sanchez. Short entertaining perfume reviews that take you into another beautifully scented world.

When you are feeling up to it, get "How to Raise your Self Esteem" by Nathaniel Brandon. The chapter on Self-Acceptance changed my life permanantly and it's not often you can say that about a self-help book. It got rid of my self-loathing for good.

Finally know that change is the central reality of the universe, so it is scientifically IMPOSSIBLE for this bout of depression to last for ever even if it feels like it.

Sending you and Himself much love.
Tara xxxxx

Posted by Tara on 11/01/2010

Depression means you have a soul which hurts for yourself and mankind. May our love sustain you - you WILL get better. Kristina

Posted by Kristina on 11/01/2010

WILL pass.

Posted by Kristina on 11/01/2010

Healing from the Brightest Star in the sky

Dear Ms Keyes

I hope you don't mind, I thought I would put your name forward to a group of people who will send to you healing prayers and energy.

I hope the thought brings you upliftment.

With love

An anonymous well-wisher

Posted by MPL on 11/01/2010

Marian,
You once wrote...
"She didn't really hold with depression as a concept. Depression was a feeling other people got when their lives were insufficiently fabulous. Same as loneliness. Or sadness. But if you had enough nice shoes and ate in enough amazing restaurants, there was no need to feel bad."
Marian I hope you find the determination to rely on us, your friends, to help you through this. We are not just behind you,pushing you forward. We are the light which is ahead of you, helping you to see through the darkness. We are here, surrounding you in a bubble of love, which will protect you through everything you have yet to face, and which unknown to you has been with you your entire journey.
Lots of love, always...
A very young fan...
xxx Elaine xxx

Posted by Laineyland on 11/01/2010

Marian,can sympathise with you and wish you well again. I found books by Anthony Robbins really helped me to change my mind set and overcome anxiety, depression and general well being. Looking forward to your return to health x

Posted by scotty1 on 11/01/2010

"M*A*S*H" (1972)

Maj. Sidney Freedman: Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned sideways... is Hawkeye.



Posted by mrsminired on 11/01/2010

Marian, I just wanted to add my best wishes as well. You are a truely inspiring writer and a brave woman to be so publically open about your depression. You have given so much of yourself to your fans, I am so glad to hear you say that you are going to take some time for yourself. If your heroines are anything to go by I'm sure you'll come out fighting. Thank-you and looking after yourself.

J

Posted by Vanillabean on 11/01/2010

poor you,I understand too well having battled with the wretched illness myself for years. In the end I found psycho-analytic therapy helped me the best but everyone has their own way. I hope this desperately bad patch soon passes. All best wishes, Margot

Posted by MargotMale on 11/01/2010

Hi Marian

I've always loved your books and I'm about 10 pages from the end of Brightest Star.... Kudo's to our writing ability and style.

Don't let the demons of depression get you too down - I have a mother who has suffered from very bad depression and anziety (must be an irish thing) so I know that it is a cycle that claims you and you don't know when to get off - kinda like a merry go round.

I will continue to pray for speedy healing

Lauren - the irish lass in South Africa

Posted by laurenedgar on 11/01/2010

HELLO MARIAN!
Never ever have I written any fanmail to anyone before, but this time I just needed to do that! Thank you so much for the great books you've written. They are absolutely something to wait for! You have an amazing gift with words. Last week I was at the hairdressers' here in Finland and I read about your depression in a Finnish newspaper (the yellow press? is it called that?). I wish that a glimmer of hope would reach you and reassure you that things will get brighter again.
Minna

Posted by Minna on 11/01/2010

Dear Marian
I have had also had the deep depression you refer. I used to take one day at a time - at one stage it was 5 minutes at a time. Do something that you used to enjoy. Chocolate, massage or a holiday.

Lots of love and wishing you the time you need to get better. Lynda

Posted by LJ on 11/01/2010

Dear Marian
I, too have had severe depression. Take the time out that you need to get better. You will get better in time. I've been there and what has helped me at times is to take things one day or even 5 minutes at a time. Take time out for yourself. Go for a massage, eat chocolate or do something you like.
Lots of love and healing.
Lynda

Posted by LJ on 11/01/2010

Dear Marian
I'm sorry to hear about your depression. I also have had depression and then the severe depression that you are talking about. You will get through it. Take one moment at a time. at one stage I was dealing with 5 minutes at a time.
You're a fantastic writer and your books show that.

Lots of love and healing
Lynda

Posted by LJ on 11/01/2010

Dear Ms Keyes, I have never actally read any of your books but I brought your latest one for my best friend for christmas she is a huge fan. I know
how you feel when theres no light under the door when it makes no differece who you are where you are its just the blackness all around you it doesnt go away its just there when life just goes on around you but you cannot feel it its just black. I really hope you can get out I.ve tried lots of things but the love of good people around you can be the only help sometimes. Take care Lucy.

Posted by Lucy176 on 10/01/2010

huge hugs to you marian! ignore the stinky journilists and know that all your fans will be here when you make it through the other side. cause you will i know it.
for now take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to get you better.
hugs and love to you

Posted by amaire on 10/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I'm so sorry about the the depression returning just when you should be on top of the world. I can relate.

I'm in therapy for the first time with a real shrink for my depression, PTSD, and anxiety. We'll have a race to see which of us returns to the world soonest.

Bless you and thank you so much for the books. I love them all and am so looking forward to The Brighest Star in the sky.

Impertinent question: Have you been checked for fibromyalgia? I was diagnosed a couple of years ago and I saw a lot of me in "Cracks in my foundation" and "Under the Duvet."

blessings,

Posted by Bobbi on 10/01/2010

Marian
(and Himself)
I cannont imagine what you are going thro' - Not for the 1st time in my life do I wish I had a magic wand!

Posted by Mamamia on 10/01/2010


I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
So I said to the doctor. 'People keep taking the Mickey out of me because I keep thinking I'm a cricket ball. 'The doctor said 'Howzat?' I said, 'don't you start'.
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
'I got up just like that, well it could of been like that, but, no it was like that.... anyway I leapt up, and I opened the door in my pyjamas, It's a funny place to have a door I know'.

Tommy Cooper

Hope it makes you smile just for a second........... And yeah, George Harrison. Well it works for me, you never know. God bless.

Posted by Jackie_o_n on 10/01/2010


I went into a butchers and I said, 'I'll have a pound of sausages. 'He said, 'I'm very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here. 'I said, 'Okay then I'll have a pound of kilos.'
So I said to the doctor. 'People keep taking the Mickey out of me because I keep thinking I'm a cricket ball. 'The doctor said 'Howzat?' I said, 'don't you start'.
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
'I got up just like that, well it could of been like that, but, no it was like that.... anyway I leapt up, and I opened the door in my pyjamas, It's a funny place to have a door I know'.

Tommy Cooper

Hope it makes you smile just for a second........... And yeah, George Harrison. Well it works for me, you never know. God bless.

Posted by Jackie_o_n on 10/01/2010

I've had depression. I felt totally blank...nothingness and dire fatigue. I don't have it right now but I know the hole you are talking about. When I was depressed as a child and feeling guilty as I came from such a good background and had "everything" material, my therapist told me that I still had the right to be down. That freed me up a little. It's a state of mind unlinked to worldly goods! One day you will want to get up and out again. Don't search too hard for answers or chastise yourself. You need TIME. Speak lots and take lots of exercise and ask somebody to cook or bring you good food.

Here is part of a poem by an unknown author(?) It helped me. I kept it by my bed on dark days.

"...you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit". The last line became a mantra. I just put one foot in front of the other and din't look too far ahead. Good luck. Be careful and gentle with yourself and keep negative people at bay.

Posted by Naomi on 10/01/2010

Marian
Your honesty is inspiring. I've suffered from depression on and off for years and know just how debilitating it is.

I think you're fab and hope you feel much better soon. In the meantime, make sure you read all these messages and really think about how much people think of you - for good reason!!!

It will pass. It will be shitty until it does, but it will. Promise.
xxxx

Posted by Clarey on 10/01/2010

I love your books. Funny and perceptive entwined. Your account of denial throughout Rachel’s Holiday is the most accurate I’ve ever read. Each time I buy a new one, I put it aside so I can read it when I’m feeling sad or stressed and so I know I will have sometime to make me smile.

I know depression. It’s like a horrible bitchy friend who whispers the worst into your ears all the time. Twisting and contorting everything until it feels as if there’s no safe place for your mind to rest. No escape. Sapping your strength, making everything seem pointless.

(Maybe even with all these loving responses you’ve received, your depression manages to find a way to make you feel guilty or undeserving – not true, it’s just depression distorting the good.)

But then one day, many years ago, it suddenly dawned on me that I don’t have to listen to depression’s crap. I don’t have to believe what it tells me. Because it’s NOT telling me some deep, profound truths - whatever it feels like. And by ignoring it, I take away some of it’s power over me. And slowly things began to improve.

Next I realised that I couldn’t think my way out of depression. That it wasn’t a problem to be solved with sufficient rumination; nor all my diary writing or navel gazing. And this helped me not to slip back again.

And somehow I’ve managed 15 years without depression. Everyone is different, your route out may not be the same: but there IS a route out. Whatever your depression ‘says’ to you, it won’t last forever.

More recently I discovered there’s a whole approach based on what I accidentally discovered to help me. Maybe try this book: “The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness”. And if you can’t focus or read, don’t beat yourself up.

You can get through this. Hang in there.

Posted by lili on 10/01/2010

Hi Marian
I didn't realise you were unwell at all. I thought you looked smashing on Tubridy last May.

My mam is recovering from depression at the moment and we have just had the best Christmas (actually, I can't remember a better one, well the one where santa brought me the petit typewriter was pretty good too).

So, we never noticed how ill she was, she maintains that the day I graduated from College was the day that 'the wall' began to erect itself infront of her. So, she hid it for years.

Last October...leaves fell, my mothers face fell too. Deeper and deeper she went wanting to hide behind that well built wall. Now, we all told her..."come on snap out of it mam... go for a walk, you'll feel better...make yourself busy...sher there's lots to do & oh a personal favourite of mine is...don't you realise there are people out there with real reasons to feel depressed". And on and on we went...chorusing the same oul shite.

So I brought her to the dr over and over again and we tried every tablet, every herbal remedy...every therepy and she may have got 1 good day out of 7 and then the next wk we may have 2 good days (At this point, I'd thank God for sending a miracle) Wk 3 we were back to square one. I cried so much for her and yet she wasn't able or capable of shedding a tear...she was wilting infront of me...paranoid, distraught and not wanting to live.
She has always being my hero...She is my mother.

Words usually come easily for me...they tumble out of my mind, onto my keyboard with fairly effortless speed. But now, as I try to frame the words to paint a portrait of all my mother is to me, I find myself strangely tongue-tied. What words are there to describe someone who is so all-encompassing...so incredibly necessary to my life? Someone who has embodied love, support and nurturing since before I was born, and for all these twenty-plus years since?

So, I brought her to hospital and although she completely refused the idea point blanc. She packed her suitcase at the same time saying "Im not going, what's the point". She signed the forms and the kind dr reassured dad and me..."I know whats wrong, we can help her". Well those were the words we need to hear.

Alas, months went on & no sign of recovery just an evil eyed mammy "the devil is in me" she used to lament.

Well, the treatment worked jesus 8 months later...I knew she was getting better when she told me that one of the patients in the hospitals had a boutique...On visiting her, she asked me to bring her cheque book.

I went into her hospital room and she opened her wardrobe door to show me all the clothes that she had purchased from the nice boutique lady. I cried with delight to see colour, diamonte and best of all the sparkle in my mother's eyes.

Marian, you'll get there. I know you will. You have that sparkle too.

Posted by irene on 10/01/2010

Hope you are feeling better very soon. Much love from an avid fan who loves your books so much, she smuggles them across the border into China!
Doing something bad always cheers me right up! :)

Posted by dandy on 10/01/2010

My heart goes out to you Marian. I am a big fan of your books, I am currently reading The Brightest Star in the Sky and I love it. I also suffer from depression, although only mild, I really hope you feel better soon. Love xxxx

Posted by Angie on 10/01/2010

Reading this made me well-up at my desk at work, usually I only do that because my job is enought to drive anyone to tears!
I know how you feel. I am more familiar with that dark pit than I care to be. All the worst emotions that humans experience are the only ones you feel right now. Guilt, because you feel you aren't justified to feel so depressed. Shame, because you're ashamed that you do and fear that it will never end.
But it will. When you feel no hope just trust it will get better. As sure as the sun will rise everday this will eventually lift. It may not happen soon and it will certainly not be easy but it will change.
And one day you will be fine. Just trust that that day will come. It will.
xxx

Posted by Daisy555 on 10/01/2010

Dear Marian, how very brave of you to speak of your pain. I admire your honesty, take one day at a time...your strength of character will pull you through, I'm sure! X x x

Posted by Dian014 on 10/01/2010

You have pleased so many, Marian, but you know, no one in the history of the world ever pleased everybody. Take a break - www.plumvillage.org
'No mud, no lotus' : )

Blessings
'goinghome'

Posted by goinghome on 10/01/2010

You have pleased so many people, Marian, but you know, no one in the history of the world ever pleased everybody. Take a break -
http://www.plumvillage.org/ "No mud, no lotus." : )
Blessings
'goinghome'

Posted by goinghome on 10/01/2010

Hi Marian, you have been on my mind a lot ever since I read in the Belfast Telegraph that you have been suffering from depression. I just wanted to write to say that I am thinking of you and praying that you are feeling better soon. I do empathise because I have suffered from depression in the past and would get occasional bouts of it from time to time. I am also a recovering alcoholic and 4 years sober, and I agree that depression, like alcoholism, is an illness. I love that you have quoted the AA sayings, “Easy does it” and “This too shall pass”. All very simple yet so true. Like you, I also love writing and I think us creative types feel emotions very strongly. It’s all part of our make-up. That sensitivity is probably why you’re such a good writer! I also wonder if depression is our body & mind’s way of asking us to slow down, that maybe we have been too busy and stressed out, and it’s a way of asking us to take it easy, put the feet up, and chill out :o). I was glad to read that your agent isn’t forcing you to produce another book quickly. I hope they are sticking to that! :o) Today I am going to take advantage of the cold snowy weather and take it easy by lying in bed and reading your book ‘The Brightest Star in the Sky’. I am looking forward to it! :o) I think you are brilliant to have written so many books, and I also have seen videos of you and you have such a bubbly smiley personality. I hope you take it easy. As my friend would say to me, “Spoil yourself”. Love, Rose

Posted by rose on 10/01/2010

Never really understood depression untill my Daughter-in-law suffered; she can now see the light shining bright at the end of the tunnel: may it be the same for you really soon. Many, many thanks for the long hours of enjoyment your books have given me. Alison.

Posted by Alison K on 10/01/2010

Hi, I enjoy your books a lot. I read about your depression in today's papers and I wanted to wish you a speedy recovery all the way from Singapore. You've got many readers here judging by the difficulty I have finding your books in the library.

Posted by cabbage on 10/01/2010

Best wishes to Marain and all the depressed people who have left a comment. This time last year I felt just as you do today. It was my third spell and by far the worst. Things reached a crisis in April but a change of medication and referral to the local Community Mental Health services has worked wonders. I take tablets morning and night but that's no problem because I can work full time again and enjoy the things I have always loved but was unable to take any interest in. So my message is, no matter how bleak things are at the moment you can and will get better. It won't happen overnight but little by little, day by day.
Take care of yourselves, everyone.
CC

Posted by connolly on 10/01/2010

Dear Marian -

I understand what you're going through - it's like being at the bottom of a well, looking up and not being able to see the sky. I'd like to reach a hand in to you by saying that so many times, when I've been feeling the way you are now, reading your books has brought me insight and some much needed humor. I hope all the hands reaching out to you help in some way. I wish you peace. - Carol

Posted by Virgo910 on 10/01/2010

Dear Marian - hope ur feeling brighter soon! Your a tremendous lady, for ur girliness, giggliness and ur grit. Looking at some of the emails above it is obvious you have touched alot of other lives with your stories - my own particularly with Rachel's Holiday - and now in real time life you are providing a clear voice (and a voice that is all at once dignified, eloquent and funny) and raising your head above the parapet for the many (of us) who have suffered from depressive episodes and the spectre/um of mental illness. So even in your darkest hours Marian you are doing so much good. I wish you well and hope you will soon shake this chill from your bones and from your soul. Take good care xDiana Walshe

Posted by dianawalshe on 10/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I was very sorry to hear of your recent depression; it's a wretched time of year to suffer from it. Like plenty of people here I'm very familiar with depression, and with just how crippling it can be; but, as a long-term sufferer, I'm sure you know on some level that you can and will get through this, even though right now it seems impossible that things could ever be any better.

The thing that I have always most valued about your books is their clear-sighted and practical emotional intelligence, so I have great faith in your ability to come through this. As you can see from the other posters here, you've helped a lot of people, around the world... you have wisdom as well as talent, and they, like you, will emerge from all this darkness intact. They'll be there waiting for you, on the far side of the tunnel. Just wait and see.

My very best wishes for your swift recovery, and for the rest of 2010!

Posted by J_Manola on 10/01/2010

Depression is hell, and on top of that you get people suggesting you 'pull yourself together', not realising that's exactly what you've lost the ability to do. Hang in there Marian, because no matter how bad it feels today, or tomorrow, or next week, I promise you it WILL pass and you'll have fun again. The herb St John's Wort and counselling work for me and now keep it at bay most of the time. I'm a writer too and even though depression and creativity seem to go hand in hand, it doesn't mean you'll feel like this for ever. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a hug for every small step you take towards beating it - you'll get better faster than you think. Thinking of you. Natalie (also a writer)

Posted by NatalieD on 09/01/2010

So sorry to hear that you are feeling so down, Marian. I really enjoyed your books and This Charming Man was a revelation at a particularly dark time of my own. We're all here for you. Remember, 'when in deep water, become a diver!' Catharine Arnold.

Posted by Catharine on 09/01/2010

I wish you the best of luck as you fight this terrible illness. Thinking of you. It is a difficult fight, but you are strong and will make it through.

Posted by saramegan on 09/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I've have never commented on anything on the Internet before but I feel I have to respond to your words regarding depression. Your books have brought me years of entertainment – I’ve laughed out loud and cried. I even have to ration reading them so that I don’t finish them too quickly and then have the frustration of waiting however long until the next one comes out.

In light of this, I want to say a huge thank you and hope that I can provide even just a crumb of support for you in gratitude for the mountains of joy your books have given me over the years.

However cheesy it may sound, I sincerely believe that such dark experiences which you have encountered during your life – including your depression - , are a large factor in contributing towards the creation of your wonderful books. Your sensitivity is what makes you write such entertaining, insightful, intelligent stories which so many millions of people can relate to.

Whenever I read your books, I always feel as if I’m stepping into a much more fun and glittery world than the usual humdrum reality in which I live. Perhaps the occasional gloom is what fuels you to write – the escapism.

In the past, I have suffered what, looking back, was clearly severe depression. If I had to even leave the house, I would feel thoroughly paranoid, assuming that everyone around me was disgusted by the sight of me. I had the whole caboodle really – eating disorder, non-existent self-esteem, desire to hide myself away constantly, hyper over-sensitivity and paranoia. I can even remember being in a shop and realising that I didn’t have an opinion on whether or not I liked or disliked anything as it all seemed so pointless. (How did my mother cope?!)

However, looking back, hellish as it was at the time, I really don’t think I’d change things. Despite the fact that, written down, everything that I’m saying seems like such a cliché (particularly what I’m about to cringingly say now), but, you need the bad times to appreciate the good. Strike me down for saying such a cheesy line but it’s true. Following those dark days, when you suddenly start to feel a little better, it will be all the more sweet.

I am not in any way underestimating how dreadful you must currently feel but you WILL feel better soon – you just have to battle on for now.

I still have the occasional days where I feel like such a fake at work – bubbly and cheerful on the outside, then running to the loo for an inexplicable cry the next minute. But these days, outside these moments, I just accept that it’s part of who I am – freaky as it may be.

And finally, (I’m really sorry, I really didn’t mean to write so much) here are some suggestions which always help me to feel a bit better so perhaps they’ll work for you too: Northumberland fudge, being around children and seeing things from a much more simple perspective, playing with my cats, going for a long walk and listening to LBC, Radio 4, or some other such talk-style radio (and whenever I think of anything that is negative or I know isn’t doing me any good, I inwardly say “NO! Stop it! You are driving yourself mad!” This does actually work but takes practice...), Vicar of Dibley: The Handsome Stranger episode with the delicious Richard Armitage, the gym (though I have to be really desperate), doing something nice for someone else (my cheesiness knows no bounds...), e.g buying cakes for the miserable old witches at work, oh – and a Marian Keyes book always cheers me up! – I’ll stop here.

Take care of yourself and I sincerely hope that you are feeling better soon.

Jemima xx

PS. If you haven’t read it already, you might find Affluenza by Oliver James an interesting read.

Posted by Jemima on 09/01/2010

Depression is a very serious illness, and something which people bandy about to describe being slightly down, as people use 'flu' to describe your everyday sniffle.
Much love xxxxxx

Posted by lufcrace on 09/01/2010

Hi Marian,
Knowing you suffer from depression makes you more real.
This economic crisis has affected everyone, in a big or small way. I got married
and moved to a new country and then the crisis hit and lost my apartment and my husband and I didnt get a chance to enjoy our "honeymoon period" due to bills and financial crisis,
but your books were a big source of comfort and provided much needed humor to my life during the dark hours.
It does get better, always have faith and hope, and music can be the biggest comfort.
God is always listening.
Much love from a fan from Pakistan (yes you have many fans here too)
Mashal

Posted by Mashal on 09/01/2010

Hey,
Knowing you having depression makes you more real
This economic crisis has affected us all big or small, I had just gotten married and moved to a new country and then lost my apartment and didnt get to enjoy marital bliss as circumstances didnt allow.
But your books were a much needed source of comfort and humor during the darker days.
It does get better. Have faith and never lose hope.
God is always listening.
Your much devoted fan from Pakistan (yes you are very popular here also!)
Mashal

Posted by Mashal on 09/01/2010

I am sorry about your depression, having suffered for years and been suicidal. I'm now cured and want to tell you how: analee@talktalk.net.

Posted by analee on 09/01/2010

You are an inspiration and a shining light in an uncertain world.
Thank you for your words, they get me through my days, and nights.

Posted by gabarab on 09/01/2010

Hey Marian,
I don't suppose there's much more I can add to the overwhelming amount of responses you have received but I too have suffered from depression and labour under the strain of constantly trying to keep it at bay, as do so many others on here. I've enjoyed many of your books and am always surprised by the kind of people who suffer from depression; to me I seem like a prime candidate for the disease but then I hear of somebody successful and accomplished like yourself and realise it truly doesn't discriminate.And that it's not necessarily situational.
My heart goes out to you and it's good (yet saddening too) to know there are so many others out there who I can feel an affinity with.

This quote reflects how I wish I could feel!

'In the midst of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer.'
Albert Camus (writer of existentialist novel, The Outsider, one of the strangest books I've ever read!).

Love Hannah Xxxx

Posted by blue_rose96 on 09/01/2010

Dear Marian, I'm so very sad you're feeling bad... You are a very strong and passionate woman, you don't have to be afraid of anything... I know I can't understand the way you feel right now, I just wanted to give you a hug and a smile... Everything I write seems so silly, actually... I'm from Italy, and well, let's make a deal: when you feel better you can come to Italy for a holiday and we're going shopping together!!! :) Wish you get better real soon, lots of love, Clelia from Modena

Posted by Venturelli on 08/01/2010

Dear Marion,
I was sad to see that you are feeling very low. I had a mild form of depression around the time of being diagnosed with an underactive thyriod gland but since being on medication since March 2008, I feel so much better. Depression is one of the symptoms of this condition so if you haven't done so already, please get your thyriod levels checked. I also recommend seeing a spiritual healer as this is something that I have experienced and it was very comforting. I hope the black cloud lifts really soon. Take care and your new website is lovely! Caroline xx

Posted by IrishQaklush on 08/01/2010

Dear Marion,
I was very sad to see that you have been feeling very down but you are human afterall. I had some mild depression which I believe was caused by my underactive thyriod condition but I feel so much better since starting my medication back in March 2008. Have you ever got your thyriod tested as there is a link between this and depression? I would also recommend seeing a spiritual healer as I have experienced healing myself. I hope the dark cloud that is over you lifts very soon. Get well soon. Caroline xx

Posted by IrishQaklush on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I was going to write dear Marion or Maryanne to pretend I had got you mixed up with someone else, but considering your 'crippled' with depression, perhaps that was a joke you didn't need to hear.

So, now you know I know your name, and I've taken time to write to you, you'll probably be wondering who the hell I am, and why I'm writing.

Well, I'm stuck in a rut, because I've read all your books, well not all of them, well not even one of the if I'm honest, just wee paragraphs and snippets that i got interested in when my wife suddenly convulsed with laughter when she was reading your books. She would just spontaneously erupt, sometimes frightening the shite out of me, especially in those quiet contemplative moments, when everything is still and serene. Then of course I wanted to know what the cause of this sudden hilarity was, so after wrestling your book from her, and promising that I would only read the 'funny bit', I was tickled, and buckled with laughter. In 'Rachel's Holiday' I couldn't stop myself from laughing at the 'dance of the stolen car'. That was so me when some fucker stole my 'pride and joy'; my wee gleaming, silver MX5 sports car. When I realised that it was just repossessed and not stolen, I did another dance; the 'bastard dance', or bastirt as they say here in Glasgow. You know the one, where you are in the one spot, arms at your side, fists clenched at your thighs as if you're about to do bicep curls, then it begins with a footstomp, and as you stomp you spit out the word 'bastirt' through gritted teeth, followed with three more stomps and three more simultaneous bastirts. Then, you thump your leg with your clenched fist, again with 'bastirt' thrown in. Then your head shakes in disbelief from side to side, well more like gyrates, like a figure of eight movement, pretty much like the hips of a belly dancer. Then it really starts, you jump off the ground with both legs and thrust your feet down as if you're trying to break through ice on a pond, and at the same time, both of your arms are in the air 'incredible hulk' like and as you land, you thump both of your upper legs with your clenched fists. 'Bastirt, bastirt, bastirt' echoes with every stomp and every thump. I'm sure there might even be steam coming out of your ears. It's the rhythm of it all that's amazing, it's like the beat of the drum on a slave galleon; 'bastirt -- bastirt -- bastirt bastirt bastirt -- bastirt -- bastirt -- bastirt bastirt bastirt'.

Anyway, back to why I'm writing. I read in the paper about your depression, and I though I'd drop a wee note. You should maybe read one of your books; they're funny as fuck. 'Funny as fuck'; that's quite a strange expression; what's funny about it?

So, as I was saying, I'm in a rut, because my wife, or soon-to-be ex-wife is doing my head in. She keeps moping about because she's got nothing to read. Having exhausted your offerings, she is bored, and keeps on finding me 'things to do'. As if I've not got enough to do already. So, I though I'd ask you for a wee favour. Is there any chance you can write another book, preferably a long one, one that will put a smile on her cracked, dour face? I'd really appreciate it. I know there's other books out there, but they're just not the same, quite shite in fact. I guess they're just not Marian Keyes. So how about it? If you write another book, I'll do something crazy that will put a smile on your face, anything you want. You name it I'll do it, and it's here in writing so I can't back out of the deal. I'd even do the 'dance of the stolen car' stark bollock naked, covered in blue paint, right in the middle of St George's Square in Glasgow, if you'll just write another book.

Anyway, I know we've never met, and probably never will, but we all love you to bits Marian, even if you're a wee bit fucked up with depression now and again. So, when you're ready, and only when you are ready, we'll be waiting for you, because you're well worth it. Yeah, yeah, I know, damn cliche. But it's true Marian, we miss you doll.

GET WELL SOON.

Rab x

P.S. I promise to read more of your books before I next write ;o)

Posted by raballan on 08/01/2010

Sending lots of love your way Mrs! Feel better x

Posted by Demmy on 08/01/2010

Marian,
I am so sorry to hear that you are really sick. When I got really sick, your books were the first books that I started to read. In no time, I was in hysterics laughing at your quick wit. You have an amazing gift! And although you cannot see the light at the moment, it is your books that bring hope and laughter to everybody else. "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles never fails to cheer me up. The sun will be here for you soon too:) Don't lose faith,will be thinking of you. Get well soon.

"There is a light that never goes out"

xxxxxxx

Posted by Rosie S on 08/01/2010

My mother suffered from severe depression for over 20 years and the drugs seemed to do nothing for her. She found a doctor in Dublin who uses natural treatment as well as antidepressents and she got well in about 4 months.See www.omega3.20megsfree.com

Posted by Heather on 08/01/2010

I remember reading Prozac Nation while I was ill. Her description of depression as a black wave was quite accurate.

Try to keep yourself busy Marian, your silly brain chemicals may be back on place any week

Posted by Jano on 08/01/2010

Hi Marian,
I don't really have anything else to add that other people haven't already said ten times over, but I just wanted to add my voice to all the others. I have just re-read Rachel's Holiday, because I'd read this newsletter and you were on my mind, and I've got tears streaming down my face! I'm not sure why, but suffice to say that it was the first book of yours that I ever read, and it reaches a place that other books don't, or something... Anyway, I'll stop myself before I sound like too much of a lunatic. I'm sorry you're feeling crap but, I'm very very glad that you're out there somewhere and that you've written such brilliant books. I hope you feel better soon.
Helen

Posted by magiclucy on 08/01/2010

Have just read of your depression and bawled my eyes out. Have had a really bad struggle with the monster that is depression this year. I have come a long way though and am now able to see light and appreciate life again.hope you do too soon

Posted by alana09 on 08/01/2010

Marian,

I'm sorry you're dealing with the depression... those who have never had to, don't know.

One of my fondest memories was meeting you in Raleigh, NC some years ago. I was producing the morning radio show that you appeared on, and came to your book signing with my wife. We both found you a wonderful, kind soul... and I still treasure the kind thank you note you sent me some time later (I was amazed and happy to find it in the mail).

In the darkest times, never forget that there are countless people who love and support you... and think you're pretty damned special!!

Love and prayers,

Trent

Posted by Trentr on 08/01/2010

To Marian,
I was so sorry to hear that you are sick. Your books inspired me so much and kept me laughing(like they always do!) when I was sick myself. You have an amazing gift. Don't give up! You will get better. Thinking of you. Thanks for being honest.

"There is a light that never goes out"

xxxx

Posted by Rosie S on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,
Firstly, Thank you for my fabulous Christmas present. I got The Brghtest Star in the Sky from the out-laws (said with affection, they are lovely) and was under strict instructions from my other half to NOT open it first (thereby ignoring the very impressive pile of other wrapped lovelies I had waiting for me).
Secondly, what a bummer getting the horrors :-(. I have the miseries at the moment & have been off work this week which is not like me (I got a bunch of flowers DELIVERED by my other half, I must be bad) I only tell you this because I have a dog, a staffie who is incredibly low maintenance (non sicky, non injury prone) yet this week, we let him off the lead to bunny hop in the snow & he now has a nasty gash on his hind leg. The gash caused us humans more angst than pooch who has stoically accepted it but..it does mean he needs extra attention & a watchful eye to ensure no further damage. Also, the dressing needs changing about 3 times a day - all my responsibility as I am not at work. Each time I dress it, he gently holds his hind leg out for me to do it, watches me with complete trust in those chocolate browns AND I get a lick for my troubles, not a life altering / mind blowing thing but a tiny yet very real tonic. If I was that way inclined, I'd suspect he gashed his leg on purpose....
Xxxxx

Posted by Vicks on 08/01/2010

As someone who lives with depression I know what a pernicious illness it is. And as a successful woman, I know circumstances make very little difference, if the fog wants to coil round our ankles it will! But we are the strong ones, we are the fighters, we are the believers. Hang in there, kid!

Posted by Jane Pugh on 08/01/2010

Hello Marian !
I love reading your books and your newsletters too, they always makes me happy when Im feeling sad or depressed. I really hope that you get better soon, you are such a wonderful and entertaining person !
Love /
Jenny from Sweden

Posted by Crashrw on 08/01/2010

Marian,

Thinking of you during this difficult time. I know how painful it is to suffer from depression and you are very brave to speak about it so publically. I hope it passes for you soon, but in the meantime take care of yourself and look to the light. Hugs and love, Abigail

Posted by Abigail on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian
I was very sad to hear of your troubles, I admit that I stopped reading your blog a while back because of jealously of your'Charmed life' with expensive products and spa breaks...I guess it just goes to show. I do also have first hand experience of what you are going through and myself and many others it seems are thinking of you at this time. I once read a really good book which made me laugh out loud, maybe you should try it..it's called Rachel's Holiday ;) Sally xxx

Posted by cliftsa on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian
Love your books and love what you do. Really hope you start feel more like yourself soon.
Best wishes

Posted by J Hasenfuss on 08/01/2010

I wish you all the best Marian, don't forget you're amazing!!
Lina

Posted by linatorun on 08/01/2010

Hi Marian, I too have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety this week.

I wish you all the best in your recovery, and hope it doesn't last too long.
xxx

Posted by HelenLouise on 08/01/2010

The Fear is brutal. It will feck off eventually though.

Posted by katepatrick on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I am so sorry to hear that you are suffering at the moment. You have spread so much light and joy through your books and hope that you too will find the light again soon.
My thoughts are with you.

xxx

Posted by Carolyn on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I hope you feel better soon. I don't suffer with depression but I live in a house where it lives so I understand how very debilitating it can be. Reading all the comments left here gives a warm feeling of someone who is loved very much. Wrap these comments around you. They are a warm hug.

Gab

Posted by angel on 08/01/2010

Hi Marian, Sorry to hear you are struggling. I hope you are feling better soon. If you need support, join us at
mentalhealthsocial.com
We would love to see you.
Love from Clive {{hugs}}

Posted by CliveWild on 08/01/2010

dear marian , i loved reading the passages you posted , great inspiration for those feeling lost , great courage on your behalf to approach this subject so openly. bravo !! here`s one i tell myself from time to time ......" WHEN DOWN IN A DARK HOLE ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOOK UP AND SEE THE WONDERFULL SKY " ........ these things pass :)

Posted by billbyrne on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,

I had crippling depression with all the symptoms you've discribed. To try to help myself through it I went to my local waterstones & asked the girl behind the counter whether they had any books about depression. She introduced me to your books & told me about your story. You were part of my healing process & I'm eternally grateful for that! I hope you battle on & forget what idiots in the paper & those who read it think. It is an illness & I think your being very brave! Much love & admiration
Ruth xx

Posted by Elle Kelly on 08/01/2010

Get a rescue dog or puppy who will chew up all of your boots...then think of all of that shopping!!! And get Paul Mckenna to hypnotise you - so you can finally have a good nights sleep!
Vicki xx

Posted by Vicki on 08/01/2010

I was so sad to read how bad you are feeling. I have been feeling pretty awful myself and then read 'This Charming Man' which really made me laugh out loud. I owe you a lot andreally, really hope that you find a way out of the darkness. With love
Kathy Randall

Posted by simemben on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I know this might sound a bit cracked, a bit new-agey, but I hope you'll consider it because it actually works. Have you ever heard of EFT? It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It's sort of like acupuncture but without the needles. EFT is basically a procedure you can carry out on yourself and takes about 20 minutes. What you do is you tap various points on your body - mainly your face, collar bone and hands and in doing this tapping it relieves the thing that's bothering you. It works for stress, anxiety, depression or anything else you can think of. See, I told you it was a bit barking. But that's just it. It sounds so simple that you might be inclined to dismiss it as useless. I hope you'll consider looking into it. I have had pretty bad bouts of depression too and any time I used EFT on myself the depression lifted within a very short space of time. I would go so far as to say it is miraculous. If your depression is really bad, it may take a few rounds of EFT to clear the depression but it practically always works and it really is worth trying. So, if you are interested, go to www.tapping.com and check out the free videos for depression. By the way, I am not going to gain financially from this one way or the other. It's just something I've discovered that actually works when everything else has failed. I hope you'll give it a go no matter how bad you are feeling. It really does work.

I wish you all the best.

Lots of love
Sharon
XXX

Posted by besscella on 08/01/2010

life is a series of strikes and gutters. xx

Posted by matt on 08/01/2010

Marian

I adore you and your work and hope you begin to feel like your old self again soon. Much love to you and your family. Love from Scotland, Suzy x

Posted by suzh84 on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian,

Sending you lots of love from Melbourne xoxo

Posted by Maria Rodriguez on 08/01/2010

Dear Marian I don't usually leave posts on Internet sites but after I read about what you were going through I wanted to wish you well. I'm experiencing the same thing at the minute and I know how devastating it is. I've always Enjoyed your books and think you always seem such a lovely friendly person. Don't feel you're alone in all this and don't let it beat you. Remember that Hope is a good thing and maybe the best thing. Xo catherine

Posted by Kateb on 08/01/2010

You are more fortunate than most people Marian Keyes, even having a famous last name like the American author Francis Parkinso-Keyes. Get a grip...there are so many people who are less fortunate than you and are out there helping
the poor and feeding homeless. As an author of the book Savage River Valley just published, I wish I could be fortunate enough to have sole 23 million copies...for sure I would not be sitting there depressed.

Posted by Savagerivervalley on 08/01/2010

I too suffer with depression and have my whole life. I had made attempts on my life but through the Grace of God I am still here. I know the pain you are going through and the hell you are living. I know how the most irrational thoughts seem rational. My heart prayers and thoughts are with you. No matter what people say this disease is real and I would like to encourage your husband to continue to love you unconditionally and be continue to be patient. My spouse still does not understand and is not real comforting about it.
Stay strong and I wish you nothing but the best. May God Bless you and grant you the peace and comfort you need.
L.M.

Posted by leomury on 07/01/2010

It's so refreshing for someone to be so honest about their depression. I have suffered on and off for a number of years and it's so hard to describe how the black cloud completely envelops you and gets inside you, it's like tar that sticks to you and you just can't shake it. Even though your rational mind tells you, you should be grateful and thankful for things you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel until one day it lifts and you start to feel 'normal' again.
I have found however that since I started exercising my bouts of depression have been reduced to the point when I can't remember the last time I cried.
I really hope that you feel better soon and that all the messages of support, if they don't make you feel better, at least help you in some small way to realise you are not alone. If more people spoke about the depression that they suffer it might not have such a stigma still. I look forward to reading your next newsletter and hearing how you are doing. all the best Sarah x

Posted by sarahafrost on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
You are my favourite writer and an inspiration to me as i am also suffering through depression. All you need to do right now is survive each day until you're strong enough to take another step. Put no more pressure than this on yourself.

You are so amazingly talented, thankkyou for all the entertainment.
Get well soon.
Brooke xx

Posted by Brookeamanda on 07/01/2010

Thinking of you Marian ..... this moment will pass. Dani x

Posted by Dani on 07/01/2010

Best of luck for the future, I have had severe depression for a year now. It does feel never ending and I still am waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe you and I will find it together. Lots of love Karen

Posted by Karenj on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian, the 'festive season' is totally crap if you are even the slightest bit 'wobbly'...and the New Year celebrations are even more so. Why would anyone want to give up anything in January? I need all the help I can get...left over Quality Street anyone?
Another quote for you, "be kind to yourself", it's my G.Ps favourite phrase.
It WILL pass, and you will be you again soon. I am thinking about you.

Posted by Bonehead on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I don't even know what to say, except that I know what you're feeling. And I'm truly sorry, too. Just wanted you to know that your books never fail to cheer me up and make me smile, or laugh. You are truly inspiring, it's not often we are lucky enough to have such a wonderful Irish author, so thank you for writing everything and brightening my days a little. Take care, and I hope you will feel better as soon as you possibly can.
xoxo

Posted by saraaa on 07/01/2010

Marion,you might not read this comment because you have so many others :) thank you for being so honest.I have read all your books, I too am a sufferer its rotten at times but got to keep on trucking. I knew from reading The Brightest Star that you must have been going (or nearing to) through a bout. You will get better you know this it will just take time.My last lasted nearly 7 months (have i made you feel worse) sorry not my intention I didnt go on meds got through it myself and with the help of being honest with my man huge help. As the saying goes "fear grows in the dark" Mine lifted only two weeks ago and honest to god it was like it went overnight we have to go through the worst of it before we begin to get better. I have written down all your quotes and will resort to them again in the future if need be. I am not a v religous person but i do believe we all have our own guardian angel if you like you could pray to this angel to guide you through this time period in your life, i might sound like a nut but it worked for me.I wish you all they very best you are an amazing talent and I am so glad i found your work. T XX

Posted by Poppet on 07/01/2010

Marian, we're all with you. Hang in there. mind yourself.

Posted by popx on 07/01/2010

Hello Marian. I wish you well in your fight against depression. Have you ever considered taking Lithium? When antidepressant medications have not worked fully in treating depression, adding Lithium can be a very good way of increasing their effectiveness and getting the symptoms to improve. I have been taking it for over 20 years along with other drugs. I am fine except when I have a man in my life! I haven't found it interfers with creativity as is sometimes reported.

I hope you recover soon.

Posted by Lin on 07/01/2010

Hello Marian. I wish you well in your fight against depression. Have you ever considered taking Lithium? When antidepressant medications have not worked fully in treating depression, adding Lithium can be a very good way of increasing their effectiveness and getting the symptoms to improve. I have been taking it for over 20 years along with other drugs. I am fine except when I have a man in my life! I haven't found it interfers with creativity as is sometimes reported.

I hope you recover soon.

Posted by Lin on 07/01/2010

Marian,we're all with you. Hang in there and a positive flicker will come... it will.

Posted by popx on 07/01/2010

Hello Marian. I read the article in the Mail this evening. I have not read any of your books yet but I empathise with your condition. I wonder if you had considered taking Lithium? When antidepressant medications have not worked fully in treating depression, adding Lithium can be a very good way of increasing their effectiveness and getting the symptoms to improve. There have been some reports that this can interfere with creativeness but I have been taking it for over 20 years and I have not noticed this. I take other drugs but am generally fine except when I have a man in my life! You are suffering a creative block anyway at the moment so it may be worth considering.

Thanks for your honesty. I hope you get well soon x

Posted by Lin on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
Be kind to yourself. Do not feel you need to apologise for this illnes and I trust you come through to a happier place very very soon.
Jen
x

Posted by jenl on 07/01/2010

Lovely Marian, it will pass, it just doesn't feel like that way yet. Your books have lifted my head out of a black cloud so many times, I wish I could help. Feel better, lots of love x

Posted by jopaca61 on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I hope you are feeling better soon. Reading over the comments that other fans have left for you, you'll see just how much joy you bring to this world. And this is not to mention the love and joy I'm sure you bring to your friends and family. May this bring you some comfort right now.
Sending you some sunshine from the great white north (Canada),
Jennifer

Posted by jenwin on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I hope you are feeling better soon. Reading over the comments that other fans have left for you, you'll see just how much joy you bring to this world. And this is not to mention the love and joy I'm sure you bring to your friends and family. May this bring you some comfort right now.
Sending you some sunshine from the great white north (Canada),
Jennifer

Posted by jenwin on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I am not given to writing on message boards for famous people as it always feels a little Kathy Bates in Misery to me, i.e. I'm Your Number One Fan. (Actually I'm sure all the people on here are lovely and not a bit stalkerish!)
But I have loved your writing for years and simply felt I wanted to stand shoulder to shoulder with the thousands of other people expressing sympathy and empathy for your condition.
And that's what it is. I don't pretend to be an expert, but what many people don't know about "real" depression is it's not sadness or staring mournfully out of a window waiting for the rain to stop. It's gut-churning panic and fear. It's feeling like you could claw off your own skin to get away from yourself. It's hating yourself and then feeling others must hate you because you do. It's having people tell you to cheer up and that it will pass and not even registering their words because it seems as ridiculous as if someone told you a new colour existed that you hadn't ever seen.
Well, I'm waxing a bit lyrical now and I don't even know if you'll read these messages. I don't expect you would even care at the moment if you did read them. But I hope, one day, when the rain does stop, reading the lovely wishes on here will feel like the sun's warming your face again.
With best wishes for your back-to-your-old-selfness,
Kim x

Posted by KimL on 07/01/2010

Hi Marian,
There are millions of people thinking of you and wishing you well.
Take your time and get better at your own pace. It's an awful illness and I'm sorry you are going through it but I know you'll have lots of support to help you deal with it.
Thanks for the books!
Angela

Posted by JGregory on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,

Thank you for speaking out about depression so frankly, it makes me feel supported in my own experiences and it is important that people learn about depression and its consequences. I join others in this thread to let you know that my heart goes out to you, my favourite writer, and that you will soon get through this dark phase. I also wish to thank you immensely for your novels, the latest of which, Brightest Star, has helped lift my heavy spirits through a particularly difficult time. The way you write about depression in Maeve and Matt lifts the lonely feeling of depression a little and makes me feel understood. Hang on and it will pass. It always does. Sending you much love and gratitude, Johanna

Posted by jem_1220 on 07/01/2010

Marian, you're not alone. Thank you for sharing - so brave of you! Try to exercise, its such savior. You're right its just awful, but we just have to take one day at a time. You WILL get better! xo

Posted by IvorySky on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,
I understand what you're going through. I've been battling with depression since my teens and I'm now 43. I'm also a writer and know how hard it is to write when feeling like this. I was really bad last year and in the end had to take antidepressants. I've taken them in the past and as they never helped I was reluctant to take them this time. However, the ones I'm on at the moment are really helping me to cope better and I'm once again writing and feeling a lot better.
Forget the stinky journalists, no one can ever understand what we are going through unless they go through it too.
I hope you are feeling better soon.
Hugs,
Marie x

Posted by Marie on 07/01/2010

Some years ago I was deeply depressed after a long illness but refused pills. My GP then discovered that I had a calcium/phosphorus imbalance and I ended up having surgery for a rogue parathyroid gland, which lifted the depression immediately. This problem is little known and only turns up in blood tests by GPs, so it's well worth while anyone suffering from sudden and severe depression having their calcium/phosphorus checked by their GP. You never know, it might be as simple as this.

Posted by Allie on 07/01/2010

Marian I am sure you are going through your own private hell with your feelings and emotions. I have lived with my mams depression for nearly 20 years some days she is ok others others she can't cope. When people say read a book, relax it just makes it worse because you can't relax and nothing helps sometimes and other times small things help. My little piece of advice maybe no good but take it in very small stages don't expect to feel better right away. Every little thing that gives you a little peice hold onto it in your mine. If you find small things that help you control the feelings try to focus on them. Most times that can be impossible but sometimes it works. Focus on you getting to a place of well being and forget about the other life stresses as they will always be there regardless of how you feel. Im proud that you have had the courage to speak up about how you are feeling as even in this day and age people still don't have a great understanding of illnesses that effect the mind. You are an inspiration though im sure you don't feel like that at the moment

Posted by Geraldine on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian
Your book This Charming Man was the second step in helping me out of my depression. The first was seeing Feist on Sesame Street. I had worked for a newspaper where the bullying was so bad that it had stripped my identity and crushed everything I ever felt happy or confident about. Reading your book retrieved my long lost sense of laughter, and ability to see the quirky and humourous in everything. I was finally able to write again in my own style, and you completely unlocked the horror that was upsetting me every day. I still have throw-backs, but I know what tools to use to help me, which are reading really funny writing - no wallowing in Hamlet - looking at things from my toddler niece's perspective, remembering the last time I felt truly glowing, being inspired by amazing places, art or architecture and having fun with friends. I thought that your last book came out very quickly after This Charming Man, so maybe your creativity needs a rest from the routine and could do with a trip to a wonder of the world. Easter festivals in Spain are amazing, but make sure you go with a crowd. Thank you again for forcing me to see fun again. You know it's out there too :)

Posted by ruth on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian,

My heart goes out to you, and I wanted to say how amazing I think you are. Not only for all the people whose lives you've touched, whose days you've made that bit brighter by your cheerfulness, your wit and your humour, but for the honesty and bravery you show in dealing with such a distressing illness. Every day you complete, despite wondering how you'll ever cope, every time you manage to raise a smile for someone else, even though it's the last thing you're feeling, and every time you just keep breathing in and out, you're overcoming it, and showing strength beyond measure.

A few things that helped me when I was pretty poorly a few years back were George Harrison's All Things Must Pass (on repeat… about a hundred times!), and Bob Dylan's Tangled Up In Blue, if only for the line "The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on". Oh, and this may seem obscure, but I read the other day that bananas, nuts, oats and tofu are a source of tryptophan, which the body uses to make serotonin… if it helps in any small way, it's worth a try. The winter solstice has passed, the daylight is getting longer and the sunshine will soon be back. I hope your darkness passes soon and allows you to shine once more.

My thoughts and prayers are added to everyone else's, and I hope you have some idea of how very loved you are. Please believe that it *will* pass, and there will be bright days ahead. If your body refuses to let you believe that, believe in us. We'll keep up the positivity for you, and we'll be keeping the hope burning for you on the days when you simply can't. I know it takes an awful lot of effort to just make it through the days, but it truly is worth it when you make it to the other side, and it's appreciated by all of us.

Lots of love and hugs to you and your family,
Keep on keepin' on,
Mary
xxx

Posted by TUID on 07/01/2010

My favourite writer,
Thank you for writing this. Thank you for your novels. I’ve read each and every one of them and they’ve bought me so much pleasure.
Lately I feel like sadness (as I like to call it) is something one who has it will always be running away from. I try to disguise myself so it can’t find me, by being a different person- by giving up drinking, caffeine, smoking, wheat. And taking up hobbies and causes and counting my blessings... but somehow all that anxiety and fear and sadness, even at the times when it’s not crippling in the way you describe it, is still in the background. I’ve spent so much time lately wanting to be rescued from it, and thinking if I’m a good enough person and help enough other people somehow I will be. But I’ve concluded that the greatest gift a person can give another is understanding, yet nobody truly, fully understands each other so in our worst times it feels that we’re wandering alone through life. The best you can hope for is compassion and acknowledgement- and that is a gift, and a rare one at that. So I’m not writing this because by way of saying ‘I understand’. I wouldn’t be so presumptuous. I’m writing this because I’ve finally found somewhere I can.
My mum and I are both such big fans of yours. She gets so frustrated with me when I’m low. But people like you, who she loves and admires, bringing things like this to people’s attention- it makes communication a bit easier. I’ve been feeling a bit better recently. I hope you do eventually.
Eve xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by EveLouise on 07/01/2010

Dear Marian, I SO hope this current phase won't last too long and that you'll soon find the strength to climb from the bottom of that black hole and reach for the light at the top. I know what that feels like - been there. Some day soon you'll wake up and things will seem a little brighter; brighter enough to feel you CAN get better; brighter enough to shoot the first person who tells you to 'pull yourself together'!!!!!. When that day comes, call Dhara in Cloona and book a week of glorious 'me' space. Hang in there. We all love you.

Posted by Meg on 07/01/2010

So sorry to hear you're suffering at the moment -wishing you well again,sending you hope,cyber hugs and cyber shoes to put a smile back on your lovely face.

(Thanks for making my Christmas better -couldn't stop reading Brightest Star until I got to the end- very late night....wish there was a Brightest Star I could send you to lift your spirits but know you'll get there). Take care xx

Posted by sd1973 on 07/01/2010

TALK IN THE NIGHT
Why are you sighing?
For all the voyages I did not make
Because the boat was small, might leak, might take
the wrong course and the compass might be broken
And I might have awoken
In some strange sea and heard
Strange birds crying

Why are you weeping?
For all the unknown friends and lovers passed
Because I watched the ground or walked too fast
Or simply did not see
Or turned aside for tea
For fear an old wound stirred
From it's sleeping

ASJ Tessimond

Posted by addieka on 07/01/2010

I hope things are lots better soon. I have had problems with depression since my teens but also managed to be successful too. I know how frustrating it can be to go through periods of depression and be unable to get out of bed let alone do anything else. Be kind to yourself and feel good about each step you take. Managing to write a blog is a huge achievement at a time like this. I hope you are on the mend soon and make sure you get whatever help you need. See you on the other side x x x

Posted by helenthornber on 07/01/2010

Hi Marian, Happy New Year. Sometimes these tough times people go through are what gets us in touch with who we are deep inside, with our most important needs, the spiritual ones. The Leonard Cohen quote: 'There is a crack, a crack in everything. It’s how the light gets in' is very true. Let God fill you with His grace and unconditional love. You are not alone, I'm praying for you. Love and keep up the good work! Coco

Posted by cocombassi on 07/01/2010

You are very much loved and we will all be here for you when you get better. And you WILL get better. Tomorrow is another day. x

Posted by Harrysmum on 07/01/2010

Hi Marian, that