May 2010

Hello!
Sorry!
Cake!

Hello, my dear amigos and multiple apologies for the long, long hiatus. I haven’t been at all well, but in the last few weeks I seem to be – mercifully – on the way back to something resembling myself. I’ve been wary about trusting this improvement because in January I rallied for about a week, only to be plunged back into the horrors.
I don’t exactly know what to say because I still don’t really know what happened to me. The medical profession call it ‘a major depressive episode’ but I’ve been knocked sideways by a multitude of feelings, not just depression but agitation, anxiety, terror, panic, grief, desperation, despair and an almost irresistible desire to be dead and it’s gone on for a very long time. Every day for six solid months I’ve had to try really hard to stay alive. I’ve literally got through each day hour by hour, trying to hang on until the sun set and it was time to close the shutters on the windows and then I’d feel, Okay I’ve survived another day. It was such a horrible winter and it felt like it went on forever, but when the clocks went forward I felt even worse because then there was an extra hour of daylight to last through.
I know I’ll be criticised for saying all this, I know it sounds horribly selfish, when life is such a precious gift and many people desperately want to be alive and are denied it, but honestly, I’ve had no control over it.
Wave after wave of black agony has been rolling up from my gut and bursting in my head and I’ve been powerless to stop it. I’ve heard people describe depression as feeling like they’re living behind glass, of being numb and unable to experience anything, but for me, it has been totally different. It has been like being poisoned, it’s felt like my brain is squirting out terrible, black, toxic chemicals that poison any good thoughts. I’m well aware that I have an enviable life and there are bound to be people who think, “What the hell has she got to be depressed about?” But whatever has been wrong with me isn’t fixable by an attitude shift. Believe me I’ve tried (Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, gratitude lists…)
Another thing about depression is that you’re supposed to be catatonic, but it hasn’t been that way for me, it’s been the opposite. I’ve been waking way too early, arriving into the day with a terrible jolt and shaking with anxiety. I’ve been so agitated and so desperate to escape how I feel and how I’m thinking that I’ve had very few days when I’ve been unable to get out of bed. Like I say, it’s been the total opposite, I CAN’T stay in bed, it’s far too frightening and instead I’ve been running around like a hamster on a wheel, wildly looking for distraction.
But despite the constant activity, I don’t accomplish anything meaningful at all. The last eight months have been very very unproductive. I haven’t been able to talk to people, at times I’ve quite literally gone mute and I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything. Reading has been impossible because by the time I got to the end of a sentence I’d have forgotten the start. All I’ve been able to do is watch stuff – I don’t know what I’d have done without Come Dine With Me – do you love it? Isn’t it fantastic? And Glee. Also the box sets of True Blood and 30 Rock.

Then around February I suddenly started baking like a complete maniac. It’s Cake 6something I haven’t done since I was 12, but now I want to do it ALL THE TIME. At times it’s like a compulsion and it transpires that I’m quite good at it. For a while I ate everything I baked Marian making a cakeand that was okay for a little bit because I’d lost tons of weight on account of my stomach having shrunk to the size of a walnut and the thought of food making me feel like I was going to puke. But now I’ve richocheted in the opposite direction and I’m the size of a house again, business as usual. It’s such a bummer (pun! Entirely inadvertent! Maybe I haven’t lost it!) because I was proper skinny for a while and too aghast and afraid to be able to appreciate it. Now I’ve taken to making theCake 1 Cake 2cakes for others and trying not to eat them Cake 3Cake 4Cake 7myself. Cake 8Cake 5Himself has taken photos of most of the cakes and I’ve included some of the pictures here.






The worst thing is that I’m still not able to write. I really miss it but once again, I’m powerless. I just have to wait it out. Actually I’ve just realised that this newsletter is the first thing I’ve written in nearly 8 months. Maybe in a while my brain will stop being full of broken glass and buzzing and I’d be able to manage a column. Although I feel I have so few areas of expertise at the moment, my life has become so small. Perhaps some kindly editor would give me a gig writing about cake. Or suicidal ideation. Or make-up. Oh God be with the days when I had a make-up column! Happy happy times!Oscar
Marian and OscarThings haven’t been all bad though, some lovely things have happened. Just 2 weeks ago my littlest sister Rita-Anne had her second baby, the beautiful Oscar. And Dylan, her other baby will be two next week and his party is on Saturday and I’m in charge of the cake. And tomorrow my beloved friend AnneMarie is coming with her son lovely Jack (3) to stay for a week. Also in January I traded my car in for a Fiat 500. But not just ANY Fiat 500. No! This is Dylana very special Fiat 500 because it’s PINK. Yes! PINK! It’s been so weird driving it because I’m in it and I’m feeling so wretched and I’m passing smiling people and I’m wondering, But why are they smiling? And then I realise that it’s because of the pink car!

So that’s all the news my amigos. Perhaps one day we’ll laugh about all of this. I suppose some of it might seem funny once enough time has passed. Like, there was one day – one of the few days actually – when I stayed in bed all day but because I couldn’t be alone with my head, I had to have Sky News, hour after hour. (I swear to God, I’d be lost without Sky News, I don’t know what it is about it, I think I find comfort in the constant repetition) and I was hearing the same stuff every 15 minutes. About how in Denmark some Somali Muslim man had broken into the home of a cartoonist who’d done an offensive cartoon of Allah and how the Somali man had tried to kill the cartoonist. And I’d been agonising all day, wondering how I could kill myself and manage to convince Himself that it was for the best. (Because no matter how often I begged poor Himself to let me die, he wasn’t having any of it.) And suddenly, on the umpteenth go-round of the Somali man news I thought, That’s it! Why don’t I just offend Allah! I’m not too good at drawing but why don’t I just write something! I’ll do it on my website! I’ll be fatwahed before the day is out! I’ll make sure to include my address and directions on how to get here! And then I can be dead and not feel guilty!
But then when I came to it, my brain couldn’t cooperate and I literally couldn’t think of a good enough insult, so the whole project sort of foundered…
But anyway…
Finally and most importantly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my battered heart for the stunning response to what I wrote in January. Your response was absolutely overwhelming and astonishingly loving and so, so, so kind and really, if love alone could have cured me, I’d be skipping around the place, in the whole of my mental health. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It kept me going when very little else was working.
Thank you also for the hundreds of very practical suggestions you offered and here are some of the things I’ve tried over the past months, some of them your ideas and some my own.
Acupuncture
Anti-depressants (Now on my 5th different type.)
Baking
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cranio-Sacral therapy
Crying until I burst blood vessels in my eye
Doing a daily act of kindness (thinking of the needs of others was meant to stop me thinking about myself, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.)
Driving people places in a pink car (I so wanted to be useful and helpful but could offer so little.)
Fish Oils
Giving blood
Grazia (the only thing I could read, a lifeline.)
Hill-walking in Wicklow with close friends (Kate brings the sandwiches, I bring the cake, Hilly brings the little bags of snacks, Himself plans the route, Malcolm takes the photos and Mark provides scintillating conversation about recently-released movies.)
Hill walking 1Hill walking 2Hill walking 3















Homeopathy
Knitting (thought I’d knit bootees for Rita-Anne’s new baby but was in way over my head with circular needles and other complications, so in the end knitted several pointless little scarfs for non-existent kittens.)
Mindfulness and meditation (couldn’t hack it, couldn’t stay in my own head.)
Praying (I’ve even started going to the monthly Padre Pio mass in Monkstown with my mother and my sis-in-law Susie D. I’ve always described myself as a COL-lapsed Catholic and look at me now, it just shows what desperation does to people. My handbag is now full of miraculous medals, Padre Pio relics, green scapulars, mass cards and small bottles of holy water. Also crystals, little angels, affirmations, Buddhist prayers, shiny little stones and countless other pieces of new-agey stuff.)
Psychotherapy. (An utter godsend, I have a really great therapist who I trust completely.)
Reiki
Tom Dunne on Newstalk (Did anyone hear him talking about the Eurovision? Oh my God, so funny.)
Vitamins B, C and D
Yoga (again couldn’t hack it, couldn’t stay with my own poisoned thoughts.)

 

There’s probably tons more stuff, if I think of any I’ll let you know. So I’ll stay in touch my amigos. Hopefully this onward progress will continue and at some stage I’ll be back to my old self.
I hope you’re all well and if you’re not – and some of you may not be, one of the things I’ve learnt is that this sort of headspace is far more widespread than is openly acknowledged, so many of us are hanging on, almost overwhelmed with desperation and feeling like it’s our fault, that what’s wrong with us is just self-pity or negative thinking or innate defectiveness when in fact it’s a terrible illness. (It’s how I feel. I’m so aware of our dreadful economic hardships and how they’re impacting on all of us and the fact that I’ve a roof over my head and a pink car make me feel like I’ve no right to feel anything less than blessed. And yet.)
So if you’re in a very dark place, my TOTAL and empathetic commiserations to you. Truly. I beg of you to just hang on. Watch Come Dine With Me, eat cake, play with babies, go to the doctor, talk to your friends, eat more cake, ask VERY LITTLE OF YOURSELF. Just get through the next hour. There were times when it was reduced to that for me. I’d think, I’ll watch an episode of Come Dine With Me and when I’m on the far side of it, I’ll be half-an-hour further along.
Thank you again for all the love. I love you too
Marian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Comments

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Just reading 'anybody out there' for about the 10th time,I have read all your books more times than I remember and love them all. In tough times they are like therapy. I logged on to write a thankyou. Its now 2012 so I hope that this year will be a happy year for you, you deserve it!!, A big Kiwi fan :)

Posted by katiephoebe on 20/01/2012

Hello Marian. Depression is the most pernicious thing; I wish I had some answers. Everything you said spoke true to me. There is no quick fix but any writing is something, yes? I realised that I must be pretty depressed when I stopped writing (not that I ever wrote anything worth publishing, but all the same, I used to kid myself!) - and reading too. But slowly, slowly, up and downly after years and years of my bad headspace I at least feel more aware of why it is I get so down. Perfectionism doesn't help and I suspect you suffer from it too? I sincerely (and selfishly) hope you come back and write again because you have never shyed away from dark subjects and yet your light deft touch gives hope and insight. I'm so sorry if you're still battling your own demons.

Posted by Lostvole on 19/01/2012

Dear Marian,

i am a fan from the Philippines and i read your books. I hope that you are going to be fine soon so you could write more books for your fans all over the world. I have your last book - Brightest Star in the Sky.

Nanette N. Tabuac
Philippines

Posted by nanetdlsu on 13/01/2012

Wishing you a new beginning for 2012, and am very excited about your cookbook. Sounds like you've been through the ringer. and your honesty and candor will help so many going through the same thing.

Posted by Kristen on 06/01/2012

I just wanted to wish for you that 2012 brings some peace, good health and some kind of happiness. I like many others I'm sure have been thinking of you and yours hoping that Despite the radio silence that perhaps depression is ebbing away with or without being able to write.

Hoping for the best

Posted by Wd2299 on 04/01/2012

ps: who'd have guess 'come dine with me' was literally saving the lives of the bereaved and bereft. From what I can gather, everyone is leaning on it in times of trouble! xxx

Posted by Karen888 on 09/12/2011

ps: who'd have guess 'come dine with me' was literally saving the lives of the bereaved and bereft. From what I can gather, everyone is leaning on it in times of trouble! xxx

Posted by Karen888 on 09/12/2011

Hi Marian, I have no idea how you're doing now, and God knows I have no advice for you. I just hope you stumble out of the maze somehow. It's funny I had a bad day, only the tip of the iceberg compared to real depression but I always tag it to something, if only I could just get a lick of paint on the place I'd feel better or if I could just buy the kids some new gear, all that stuff. I know you are probably a lady of means and therefore that could not possibly make any difference because you are suffering just like lots of others. The scary thing must be when you have the opportunity to see it's not lack of money or purpose, because I suppose I can fool myself that next year will be easier for some far away reason, we'll be better off or whatever, but you know, that's not it. I'm sure I'm making you feel much better!!! sorry. I just mean sometimes we can kid ourselves that it's the weight, or the lack of money, or the WHATEVER! But it's not, I don't know what it is, but maybe it's just random. Anyway, I do wish you well and I really hope you recover Marian. Love. x

Posted by Karen888 on 09/12/2011

Hi Marian, I just wanted to let you know I miss you very much and am thinking of you. I hope you are getting whatever you need to make it through each day. I hope you are able to find some moments of happiness and things are improving. Much Love, Kym.

Posted by Kym Pajich on 06/12/2011

Hi Marian, it's almost December, so I'm guessing things aren't so great on your side....? I wish I could help - but having suffered from Depression myself - I know that nothing anyone says or does can fix it - you just have to try and ride this Rollercoaster as best you can.
I really hope you are feeling better and are easing your way back into the "swing of things" until then, don't feel guilty about how you are feeling - you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Sending you love and light all the way from Durban South Africa

p.s. it's my daughters 2nd Birthday in March and my son's 3rd Birthday in April - you feel up to baking cakes??? ;)

xxx


Posted by ChantelRobins on 14/11/2011

Marian, amigo, keep going through the darkness we are all rooting for you. You bring such light and laughter to so many with your books. Thank you for being so honest about your illness it helps us all to open up about our own dark days. Sending you lots of love p.s try ray d'arcy on today fm in the mornings x

Posted by Cliona on 07/11/2011

its taken me along time to comment on this because i feel i am exactly in the same position but cant find the right words as so many times people have told me things will get better and then they dont. But taking an hour at a time is working at this moment and maybe soon we will both be free! stay strong.Love U

Posted by tia101 on 06/11/2011

Hi Dear Marian!
I hope you're feeling better! I just want to write and tell you how wonderful your books are and i own every single one of them (Some of them i even have two of, just in case) So thanks for the good books and just sending you a hello from sweden!
-Marie

Posted by Marieswe on 06/10/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

We miss you and we love you

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hmm. I tried writing some witty, uplifting comment for half an hour and failed, so I'll just go ahead and say what I want to say:

Even though you might not be able to see it right now, you are a writer through and through. This newsletter is yet another great example for it, because even though you might be in a pitch-black place right now, you still can’t help writing about it in a, well, I’m not big on adjectives, so I’ll go for awesome way. Literally awesome.

I’m always amazed at how open you are towards complete strangers, and even though I’ve never met you and probably never will, you make me feel part of your world and that’s making me feel a little special every time. It’s also an extremely, extremely brave thing for you to do.

I am shocked, concerned and sad to see that you still haven’t written a Newsletter since May last year, and I hope with all my heart that you’ll get better soon. I know that this will sound extremely mushy, but I really believe each of your books made this world a happier place, making people all around the world laugh and cry and giving them hope that everything will be alright eventually. From the bottom of my heart I hope you’ll eventually find the strength to battle this horrible, terrifying, back-stabbing bitch of an illness called depression, and that you’ll fight your way back to that bright and sunny place everybody is entitled to have.

Posted by Collaroy on 27/09/2011

Hi Marian! Missing your newsletters. I think of you often. I now work for a crisis support service, and I hear so much about depression and suicide all the time that it's hard not to think of your two most recent newsletters when you have been brave enough to share the horrors with us all. I've never been depressed and could never possibly understand, but I'm trying to. I wish you nothing but joy, and sincerely hope that you are feeling better. Lots of love.

Posted by painted_duchess on 23/09/2011

I miss you Marian. Sending love from Australia.

Posted by ginday on 15/09/2011

PLEASE READ THIS MARIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hi Marian. I dont know if you read these posts but I hope so. Truly. I LOVE your books, i have read them all and they never let me down. I also feel connceted to you through insomnia. I suffer with insomnia terribly. I am 25 and I live in London. I am an actress and I find it so hard to sleep. No wait, thats an understatement. Thats what I say to people who dont understand. To you, I can say it truthfully. I CANT sleep. period. I watched your video on you tube about your insomnia and I understand you completely. I have tried all of those things also. warm bath, er, why? what exactly does that do other than keep me up stressing in the bath, thinking about how horrible it will be the minute i hit the pillow. How horrid. Kalms, crap. Lavender oil, pointless. I use ear plugs, eye masks, herbal teas, calming music, stories, hypnotherapy tapes, all poo.....Yes i understand. I hope you feel better. Truly I do. It is dreadful. No one understands me and many think it is just me complaining. When I say to someone I have had NO sleep, i get that look where they think i am lying or they say 'well, you probably drifted off and just didnt realise'. NO NO NO NO............I am thinking of you Marian. Stay strong. You are not alone. I will think of you at 5.22AM. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Posted by Munchy1 on 14/09/2011

Hi marian, your presence in the world has made mine so much brighter...thank you. Also....melt 400 grams of dark and milk with chocolate with 250 of butter. Add 200 of vanilla caster sugar and four eggs, stir. Add 150 grams of spelt flour and some white choclate chips. Stir and bake at 200 for forty minutes. Love, little bear.

Posted by littlebear on 07/09/2011

Hey
Just fort i'd pop by and see how you were doing, hope your doing ok and still baking :) I've found baking really good for me and even better the people at work eat all the goodies for me so am not piling on the weight either :) I'm such a big fan of your books and have recomended them to lots of people, especially Rachels holiday as thats the first books of yours I read and fell in love with, neway hope to read a new newsletter soon
Much love
Vicki :)

Posted by vickiw2002 on 14/08/2011

Wait - you're bi-polar, right?

Posted by smbc16 on 11/08/2011

Wait - you're bi-polar, right?

Posted by smbc16 on 11/08/2011

Hi Marian
My name is Sara and im on the other side of the world in lil ol New Zealand. I was so sad to hear of the difficulties you are having and i just wanted to send my love and well wishes and i truley hope that in these past months you have been on the mend. I just wanted to share something with you, one of my favorite poems for when i forget my place in this crazy world. ”To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children, to earn the approbation of honest critics; to appreciate beauty; to give of one's self, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--that is to have succeeded.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson

I just wanted to let you know that the escape your books provide for me allow me to breath easier. You have spread so much love around the world, i wish that back for you!! Wishing you all the joy you deserve!!xx

Posted by saracw on 10/08/2011

Hello Marian,


My name is Camille and I am one of your French fan.

I've discovered "Sushi for Beginners" in 2003 : I was 20, I started my new (terrifying) job in television, and I suddenly decided I was capable to read a whole book in a foreign language (French people, so pretentious lol...).

Anyway,that book first gave me faith, every morning in the 45mn train, because I was almost in Ashling's position (without the Jack Devine guy though ;D ), lost and scared in a so glamourous world ; and second, it made me realized I could actually read an entire book in English ! Then "Watermelon" happened, and "Rachel's holiday", "Angels", "Lucy Sullivan", "Last Chance Salon" and so on... I even went to Dublin last summer to finally see how it looked like (and it was amazing, Irish people are really welcoming).
But, once in a while, I always come back to "Sushi For Beginners" cause it's like my madeleine de Proust, you know ? And besides, it keeps learning me new English words lol !

Seriously, it makes me think of my twenties, the dreams I had, the future I was hoping for... It's great feeling and, I can't thank you enough for that.

Today, my life huh... kind of sucks, it's always about bills, bills, bills, no more television job and nothing has happened like I would have liked it to.

But, by summer coming, I always go on the Internet and see if you have a new book coming out.

So I was pretty shocked to see what happened to you: that is so sad. Especially because it makes me think about Ashling somehow, how ironic it is...


So I just hope you will get better soon. That's the only thing I can say cause, well, I am not really talented with the " being positive and happy" way of life.. Beside, my usual method to have a good time and feel a little bit better is... to read a Marian Keyes' book !

So, just know that, we all have really bad times in our lives, some just for one day, some for a decade, some for... well, a lifetime ! But you, however, have fans ; people, all around the world, that wish you the best, and send you love and positive thoughts. So, take your time, take care and feel better. Cause we love you.

C.

PS : hum, "Friends" DVD ? So funny, always working for me, can't get enough lol !!! You should try that too ;D

Posted by Camille on 05/08/2011

Hello Marian,


My name is Camille and I am one of your French fan.

I've discovered "Sushi for Beginners" in 2003 : I was 20, I started my new (terrifying) job in television, and I suddenly decided I was capable to read a whole book in a foreign language (French people, so pretentious lol...).

Anyway,that book first gave me faith, every morning in the 45mn train, because I was almost in Ashling's position (without the Jack Devine guy though ;D ), lost and scared in a so glamourous world ; and second, it made me realized I could actually read an entire book in English ! Then "Watermelon" happened, and "Rachel's holiday", "Angels", "Lucy Sullivan", "Last Chance Salon" and so on... I even went to Dublin last summer to finally see how it looked like (and it was amazing, Irish people are really welcoming).
But, once in a while, I always come back to "Sushi For Beginners" cause it's like my madeleine de Proust, you know ? And besides, it keeps learning me new English words lol !

Seriously, it makes me think of my twenties, the dreams I had, the future I was hoping for... It's great feeling and, I can't thank you enough for that.

Today, my life huh... kind of sucks, it's always about bills, bills, bills, no more television job and nothing has happened like I would have liked it to.

But, by summer coming, I always go on the Internet and see if you have a new book coming out.

So I was pretty shocked to see what happened to you: that is so sad. Especially because it makes me think about Ashling somehow, how ironic it is...


So I just hope you will get better soon. That's the only thing I can say cause, well, I am not really talented with the " being positive and happy" way of life.. Beside, my usual method to have a good time and feel a little bit better is... to read a Marian Keyes' book !

So, just know that, we all have really bad times in our lives, some just for one day, some for a decade, some for... well, a lifetime ! But you, however, have fans ; people, all around the world, that wish you the best, and send you love and positive thoughts. So, take your time, take care and feel better. Cause we love you.

C.

PS : hum, "Friends" DVD ? So funny, always working for me, can't get enough lol !!! You should try that too ;D

Posted by Camille on 05/08/2011

Hello. I`m afraid I read it just now.But, God knows why! i`ve been feeling very different from myself, very unhappy and like you Marian, my life is great- good family, good friends, good boyfriend, altough i`m not if he`s going to be able to handle all of this, good job- but even having a good life i feel empty most of the times. And for a month i`ve waken up with no wish of being alive; really don`t know why should feel this way, but I do. It.`s terrible, so terrible(makes me remember Ashling from Sushi for begginers the 1st book of yours that i read).

Anyway after reading your post I felt less horrible. I`ll take you advices about trying to get to the next hour. That would be a good solution for now.
Just want it to pass and be happy again!I really miss the real me, the one who can talk to people and not cry, the one who wakes up so happy that makes the others feel happy!
wish you the best!

A very warm hug from Sao Paulo- Brasil!!!

Posted by lasouza on 04/08/2011

Get better, I know it's been a while since you posted in May 2010, so I am hoping that you feeling heaps and heaps better...
I love your books I live vicariously thru your characters , they become my friends as I escape from my reality for a few hours. Take care ... Ps.... Hello.... Lol

Posted by nashia on 03/08/2011

Hi there
I absolutely adore your books and have been hoping to see an ad about a new release,obviously I didn't so I ventured to google your name to find out what's up with my favorite author....

I now know that you have been busy, busy being brave!
I realize it's been a while since you posted
your mail,so I hope that you feeling heaps
better. Take care , Nashia

Posted by nashia on 03/08/2011

It's almost enlightening to become aware that someone who has brought me so much joy can be suffering so much. I have read every word that is available to the general public, and I am always cruising the book store for your latest release. I know now, that it is hard, if not impossible for you at this moment. My thoughts, laughter and tears are with you as I read your posts. One Day at a Time Marian.
'Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in' - Cohen
Thinking of you.

Posted by sarah77 on 28/07/2011

Hi Marian, I think of you often and truly hope you're feeling happy and well.
-Emily (Australia)

Posted by emily14 on 22/07/2011

Marian, When times get tough for me, I listen to your audio books - they work so much better with a Dublin voice. Having listened to Rachel's Holiday for the 5th time on a loop I keep finding new revelations and personal insight.You have saved my life on a few occasions now and I cant thank you enough. I hope kind words and belief in yourself and your ability to change the landscape of a person's world will help bring you out of the horrors. With love xxxx

Posted by Goodgirlyourself on 18/07/2011

Hello, Please check out Brian L Weiss (Many Lives Many Masters). I heard his interview twice today on Oprah radio and then my girlfriend told me about your situation. For some reason this all happened in one short day so perhaps you could give his work a read or even meet him! My wise and loving grandmother (Noni) would tell you "This too shall pass." I hope you are getting better.

Posted by White Flip on 12/07/2011

Hello, I was listening to Oprah radio today and both times (in the morning and in the early evening) I heard her interview with Brian L Weiss (Many Lives Many Masters). Then this evening my girlfriend told be about your struggle. Perhaps you could meet with him or pick up his book. My grandmother (Noni) would tell you "This too shall pass." Wishing you all the best.
Kristine

Posted by White Flip on 12/07/2011

Hi Marian,

Just looked at your sight for the first time but have been a fan for several years. "Anybody out there" is sitting on my bed right now. Its my "go to" book. First listened to it on CD while working at the world's most boring job then bought the book for my daughter, also a fan, then stole it back. This lovely and amazing daughter, by the way, is pregnant with twins, making her even more amazing. Your novels, esp the Walsh family ones, never fail to cheer me up and "The Charming Man" was so spot-on I was floored. You must know my ex! How about a Mammy Walsh centered novel? She's my favorite character of all.
How are you doing these days? I hope better. Was that "Himself" on the Bulgarian video?

Oy, my son is trying his puppy dog eyes to get the computer for himself so will make this brief.

Being a Virgo, too, feel the need to give you some completely unsolicited advice and feel free to hit delete. First is, have you ever read any Anne George books? You'd be amazed the effect they have on the soul. Secondly, sometimes the antidepressants aren't and can make things worse. Third, although you have been given advice about B vitamins, I find that just taking a good brand of just B1 always improves my mood so its something to try.
Hope you're doing OK. Much admiration for your gifts and abilities and for being you.
Linda

Posted by lini on 09/07/2011

Dear Marian, I worried that whatever I write will sound 'twee' or too familiar, or that I am being very bigheaded thinking anything I write will make a blind bit of difference. But in the hope that a random bit of kindness can do nothing but good for all involved, I will be brave and write to tell you that you are my very favourite best writer ever. I know it's sounds cliche but honestly "Rachel's Holiday" literially changed my life. I wasn't a big time addict but I was living in a very addictive, unhappy and living from drama to drama way. And that book made me take a very long hard look at myself, and I started to make very different choices. And many years later I have a very real relationship with a very lovely man who liked me so much he wanted to marry me! And I've got to experience what 'contentment' feels like. Would I have got that without reading that book, who knows? But I am so very glad that there is someone in the world who writes books that deal with all darker parts of life and does so, so bloody brilliantly. And I'm glad that you are also so naturally funny and make me laugh out loud on a regular basis! I think I own all of your books, but keep losing copies as I always offer them to friends at times of crisis. You have helped so many people, and written so many very, very funny lovely lovely lovely books. Thank you x

Posted by daisydaisygirl on 08/07/2011

PS the cakes look amazing! Perhaps you could write a baking book - I would buy it as I am sure it would be fabulous.

Posted by Debs24 on 29/06/2011

Oh Marian, I thought I would try your website to see if there was a new book coming out any time soon (my friends and I have been hanging out for it) and I read your newsletter from May 2010 and hear your are so unwell and so unhappy and now it is a year later and no updates for a year. I do so hope you are feeling better but your silence seems to insist otherwise. I really hope things are getting better for you. Come visit us in New Zealand and we'll perk you up a bit. xxx Hoping for your health and wellbeing

Posted by Debs24 on 29/06/2011

Hey Marian. I have no idea whether you're still reading the posts here, as I see it's been an uber-long time since you posted (which has me rather worried).

I won't pretend to understand what you're going through right now. Although I went through a bout of fairly serious depression many years ago and get the odd blip now and then, it's mostly copeable. For me, it was simply a decision one day to choose happiness and although it wasn't the end of my troubles, it was the light at the end of the tunnel.

But you have clearly a HUGE number of fans and I'm pretty certain your one of, if not the most loved female writer around right now (don't get me wrong, the Harry Potter lady is good but doesn't seem as friendly).

Although what you're going through is terrible in the extreme, you're a great inspiration both through it and in spite of it and that's really something to be proud of.

Whether you find your feet firmly enough to write again or not, your books (and therefore you) have had a tremendous impact on so many people, especially through This Charming Man, I like to think.

Stay strong because you really are a marvellous human being and a very gifted writer. You're the woman every girl would love to be friends with and we want you round for a VERY long time (as I'm sure Himself does too!).

Best of British luck and all those love and hugs things.

XxXxX

Posted by VikkiCook on 27/06/2011

Marian I was so heartbroken to read this. I can't believe that I haven't been on your website before as I have all of your books and recently just reread every single one of them in a row. They are absolutely perfect for painful breakups! My Mum is doing the same thing right now and your books have really helped her get through a bout of circumstantial depression. I am worried that you haven't written a newsletter since May 2010 and I hope more than anything that you are ok. Depression is the most painful thing to go through. I suffered greatly from it for years. I just wanted to comment and say that you're very brave to share your depression. Sending love x x x

Posted by Kalai on 26/06/2011

Marian I was so heartbroken to read this. I can't believe that I haven't been on your website before as I have all of your books and recently just reread every single one of them in a row. They are absolutely perfect for painful breakups! My Mum is doing the same thing right now and your books have really helped her get through a bout of circumstantial depression. I am worried that you haven't written a newsletter since May 2010 and I hope more than anything that you are ok. Depression is the most painful thing to go through. I suffered greatly from it for years. I just wanted to comment and say that you're very brave to share your depression. Sending love x x x

Posted by Kalai on 26/06/2011

Marian I was so heartbroken to read this. I can't believe that I haven't been on your website before as I have all of your books and recently just reread every single one of them in a row. They are absolutely perfect for painful breakups! My Mum is doing the same thing right now and your books have really helped her get through a bout of circumstantial depression. I am worried that you haven't written a newsletter since May 2010 and I hope more than anything that you are ok. Depression is the most painful thing to go through. I suffered greatly from it for years. I just wanted to comment and say that you're very brave to share your depression. Sending love x x x

Posted by Kalai on 26/06/2011

Marian I was so heartbroken to read this. I can't believe that I haven't been on your website before as I have all of your books and recently just reread every single one of them in a row. They are absolutely perfect for painful breakups! My Mum is doing the same thing right now and your books have really helped her get through a bout of circumstantial depression. I am worried that you haven't written a newsletter since May 2010 and I hope more than anything that you are ok. Depression is the most painful thing to go through. I suffered greatly from it for years. I just wanted to comment and say that you're very brave to share your depression. Sending love x x x

Posted by Kalai on 26/06/2011

Marian I was so heartbroken to read this. I can't believe that I haven't been on your website before as I have all of your books and recently just reread every single one of them in a row. They are absolutely perfect for painful breakups! My Mum is doing the same thing right now and your books have really helped her get through a bout of circumstantial depression. I am worried that you haven't written a newsletter since May 2010 and I hope more than anything that you are ok. Depression is the most painful thing to go through. I suffered greatly from it for years. I just wanted to comment and say that you're very brave to share your depression. Sending love x x x

Posted by Kalai on 26/06/2011

Hi Marian, I'm 20 years old and I can relate to everything you said above. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child and let me tell you something- Thank you! Your books help me when I'm having one of "my phases". I read what you said and think that the reason your books are so good is because you are so honest. I think few people can be that honest about the things that they're going trough... You truly are an inspiration!! xo

Posted by summer_love2106 on 25/06/2011

Hi Marian, I'm 20 years old and I can relate to everything you said above. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child and let me tell you something- Thank you! Your books help me when I'm having one of "my phases". I read what you said and think that the reason your books are so good is because you are so honest. I think few people can be that honest about the things that they're going trough... You truly are an inspiration!! xo

Posted by summer_love2106 on 25/06/2011

Hi Marian, I'm 20 years old and I can relate to everything you said above. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child and let me tell you something- Thank you! Your books help me when I'm having one of "my phases". I read what you said and think that the reason your books are so good is because you are so honest. I think few people can be that honest about the things that they're going trough... You truly are an inspiration!! xo

Posted by summer_love2106 on 25/06/2011

Hi Marian, I'm 20 years old and I can relate to everything you said above. I have been suffering from depression ever since I was a child and let me tell you something- Thank you! Your books help me when I'm having one of "my phases". I read what you said and think that the reason your books are so good is because you are so honest. I think few people can be that honest about the things that they're going trough... You truly are an inspiration!!

Posted by summer_love2106 on 25/06/2011

Hi Marian, is there any chance of a quick note either from you or Himself, just so we know that you're ok? Not heard anything for over a year and we're all very worried. God bless, Bekki xxx

Posted by Bekkib123 on 22/06/2011

I met you once and you told me I was fabulous. That's stayed with me ever since. I've just broken up with my boyfriend and reading your newsletter gives me hope. Come back to us soon. xxxx

Posted by Kclfay on 21/06/2011

Marian,
I've commented on this before and from time to time I feel the need to re-read this post and some of the comments. Your books and blogs make me laugh, think, and often touch a nerve for reasons I'm sure you're familiar with. In an attempt to lift my spirits last year I even started doing a trio of blessings, like Maeve. Anyway, for that reason I just wanted to drop in and say 'hi'. Thank you for the words. xxx

Posted by EveLouise on 17/06/2011

Top of the morning to you Marian Keyes,

I am currently reading The brightest star and I love it. My favourite of all your books - only if I had to pick because I love them all - was always Last Chance Saloon but this is becoming a very close second.

I just turned 30 and I have been reading your stuff since my late teens. I have always been very fond of you and have been checking in to see how you are doing.

You sound good, you are actually doing better than you think.

You have a lot of love around you - literally hearts popping - I know you feel unworthy - of anything - because you keep referring to dying.

Will you do yourself, your family, your readers a favour? Take dying off the table? You have been to darker places and guess what? You have handled it. You are here to tell the tale.

Sky news and come dine with me? No wonder on some days you haven't left the bed. Depressing events from around the globe and sloshed people slurring in the taxi home what they thought of that nights cheesecake? NOooooo. This will not lift you.

Ok I am going to stop rambling and suggest the following 5 things for you to try;

1. Start writing every single day. A4 pad next the bed and belt out whatever springs to mind. Set yourself a page and if you write more then good. It could be a recipe, a poem, how you are feeling, the dream you just had, a self hating rant or simply one word. Either way date the page at the top and write something every single day. Eventually when you read back through tears - it will happen - you will see how far you have come.

2. Yoga - I know you have already tried it but I urge you to go back. It teaches you to quiet the mind and focus on your breath, helps when you start to feel anxious and actually re-discovers the waistline too. I love hot yoga but each to their own. Wear your scruffs, no make up, turn up on your own with a water bottle and sweat it out. It doesn’t matter that you can't tie your legs behind your head in a bow. Yoga is personal when I first started I couldn’t touch my toes. It's really good for the mind and completely your time. Try it again

3. Swimming, blast under the water with some fetching goggles on and let your worries wash away when the mind wonders bring it back to the water only again your time. Water is very calming.

4.The Big C box set. GET IT IMMEDIATELY. I am insisting on this one. Tesco’s.

5. Music – It could be French uplifting or Brazilian beats whatever you choose get some Starbucks style tunes blasting round your house and leave the TV off!

Lots of love and well wishes

Let me know how you go

Kerry Tuohy

x x x

Posted by Tuohy on 17/06/2011

Marian -

I came to this website looking for news of the last installment of the Walsh clan. I was very, very sorry to read why you hadn't been writing.

#1: Don't feel guity for a single second that you're depressed when you seem to have an enviable life. Sometimes when I pray, I'm overwhelmed with guilt. "How dare I ask God to get me through this divorce when there are parents out there who've had to watch their children suffer and die? What right do I have to a whit of God's attention when there are billions of people out there with REAL problems?"

It doesn't matter. We feel what we feel, and there's nothing to be done about it. I won't claim to know how you feel because even though I've been through utterly miserable times in my life, I've never felt the pain that you describe. But when I was going through my big "challenge", I found that if I kept just a little something to look forward to, it did me a world of good.

I hope that one day you'll just wake up and find that yesterday wasn't too bad. And that each day after that... a little spark begins to creep back into your soul.

Instead of searching for something like vitamins, mantras, pharmaceuticals, groups or hobbies you should simply think about what Helen Walsh would do. "IN ORDER TO BE DEPRESSED YOU HAVE TO GIVE A FECK ABOUT SOMETHING AND I DON'T! SO HA!" Maybe she'd say "You can't get millions of people hooked on my family & then go nutter on them before you tell MY story you stupid cow!"
:)
Hey, I'm just reminding you of what a awesome gift you have. It's still in there. We'll wait, we'll be here, and we will READ.

All the best, pumpkin.

Christine

Posted by Christine1970 on 16/06/2011

Just checking up on you. We miss you :)

Posted by kelstar78 on 13/06/2011

Hi, Marian! I'm so happy that you're better. It's good to read your experience and to realize that you're writing in the past. Sometimes life gets a little numb, you can't see what's next, but there's always a light on the end of a tunnel. You are getting stronger in the end of this all. And we are all here, standing by you and praying with you.
Warmful hugs from Brazil <3 Love,

Posted by nunofb on 10/06/2011

Thank you for the post. It's a comfort to know someone else like me.

Posted by Hitch on 06/06/2011

Well, it's June of 2011. Either you are doing really well, or... not so much? I very selfishly hope that you haven't updated here because you are hard at work on your next book. Maybe about a woman who has gastric bypass surgery only to almost die, then following her weight loss she becomes alarmingly promiscuous?? just a random story idea. anyway. i love you. i hope you are well.

Posted by wonderkim on 31/05/2011

Hi Marian, you are so lovely and the cakes and babies are lovely. But where's the anger? I think you must be used to being such a nice person to everyone. But you're very sick, you must be feeling some very dark black stuff. You don't always have to come up trumps for everyone else. I know it must be horrible having people like me giving their ridiculous judgements, but I can only comment on what my instinct says. When I see you you're so nice. But no one feels nice all the time. With such a nice front all the time, it must all come crashing down.. bad. If only the world was full of nice sensitive lovely people like you it'd be a lovley life, but people aren't that simple and neither are you. I hope you can even feel anger any more, I hope you can smash a few windows or something! I know this must sound harsh. I don't mean it like that. I just think you carry everyone else a lot. that's hard work! Wishing you lots of love and rage xxx

Posted by Paula444 on 29/05/2011

Hiya (big hugs xx) Nobody is perfect....things will get better. My sister gave me 'Lucy Sullivan is getting married' to read a few months ago, i admit it lay on the table until 2 weeks ago until i decided to give it a go....if i get past the first chapter of any book i carry on. I finished the book in 2 days!! Within the past 2 weeks i have already read Last chance saloon, Rachels Holiday and Sushi for beginners. I am now halfway through Under the Duvet with further under the duvet waiting patiently to be read next. I just cannont get enough of your books. They make me laugh because they are so true to life. Keep your pecker up and hope you are feeling better soon. Big hugs from Edinburgh xxxx

Posted by Vonix on 11/05/2011

Dear Marian,

A couple of years ago I was searching for some books for the summer in a bookstore in Athens, Greece. Since I love to have access to different ideas and literary products, I don't
want to be limited to books that are either written in Greek or being translated into Greek. So, searching the english section of the bookstore, I run into "This Charming Man". I found it interesting and decided to buy it, thinking that it would be a nice, light summer read.
I have to say that it was much deeper than I had expected, honest and straightforward. I really, really loved it.
Since then I have read all your books, actually now I am reading "The brightest star in the sky".

Not only do I enjoy your books, but I also find them very comforting. Especially "Rachel's Holiday". Although I have never experienced any sort of addiction, I found this book deaply healing and liberating. I guess is the underlining idea that you can make mistakes, and survive, and fix your life (lifelong strungle, that it is!).

It's been a long time since you have published this newsletter, and I hope that things are better for you now. Since I have experienced depression in my life (me and depression are in an on-and-off relationship), I don't know if I have to wish you to be well or better (I found trying to get better being a real burden, I just wanted to be who I was and fell ok about it, even if I was depressed). So from the depths of my heart I want to wish you to find comfort and strenght.

Zoe

P.S. I find the term chic-lit that is often used so outdated, almost rediculous!!!Such stereotypes!

Posted by joyview on 06/05/2011

You are wonderful, you describe the awful places i go to but cant seem to make other people understand perfectly. You are lucky to have people close who understand you and what you atruggle with. My husband continues to think this is something I should just snap out of but I do the best I can. You are an enormous help to me, and our coping skills are also alike! I love glee and true blood (and I love the sookie stackhosue books the series is based on even better). Here in the states where I live we have a local version of your sky news which is a local 24/7 news channel which repeats itself every half hour or so called bay news nine and it replays endlessly through my house. Your books are my other life saving coping skill though, when im feeling at my worste, I have to skip the middle and read the happy endings else I will become too sad to get there. Thank you fro struggling so hard and giving hope to us all, because you are alive and so generously writing books you give me another anchor to hold on to and I thank you for all that you have done for me.

Posted by Jen on 29/04/2011

Hi Marian,

Your baking looks fabby - so colourful!

My boyfriend and I always think of you and are hoping for your recovery. We read your books together - he loves the real men.

I struggled to read for years because of illness. The local librarian found me happy books for children of under 12 years, plus simple adult books in short chapters with no plot. My favourites included series like “My Family and other animals”, “The Little House in the Big Woods” and “If Only They Could Talk”.

I hope this year is a turning point for you, and that you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon.

Lots of love

Kirsteen, from Edinburgh

Posted by Kirsteen on 19/04/2011

Distraction (TV!) is a great way to get yourself out of your head and away from your catastrophic thinking. But the catastrophic thinking must end. Marian, I've been in a similar black place. Please, if you are able, read this book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes or download her “Pass Through Panic” off iTunes. It is OLD and dated as hell, but check out its reviews on Amazon and how many people attribute it to saving their lives: http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Your-Nerves-Signet/dp/0451167228

Count me among that number. After a traumatic event, anxiety kept a slow trickle of adrenaline coursing through my body all day (and night). I couldn't sleep, I couldn’t eat, my brain was filled with the most INSANE thoughts and I wished for death so that it would end. It was the strangest melange of symptoms, and I lost hope.

When you lose hope, that's when you lose it all. Holding on to hope is the only way to conquer this.

Your body and mind are telling you that something isn't right and it needs to be fixed. It might take a long time to make right, but it will happen. Don’t wish for the old status quo—“I wish I could be the old me again!” Your distressing symptoms are an indication of the need to expand and change. Your psyche has reached a fork in the road and a new, stronger identity is needed for this next leg. Find this liberating, not threatening! Only an emergency, like these horrible symptoms present, can jolt you out of your old identity and encourage you to forge a healthier new one. One that won’t allow this to happen again. You will do this. It will take time. You must hold on to hope, and be patient. Give yourself time to heal.

It takes a long time to find the right anti-depressant for your brain chemistry. But anti-depressants work by causing an increase in serotonin, thereby “lifting” the mood. However, in a person who is anxious and already has too much adrenaline in their system, these “uppers” can tip you over from high anxiety into panic, interrupt sleep and even remove inhibition towards suicide. You may want to try dampening your adrenaline before upping your serotonin.

Here is a quote that I have found truly helpful during my struggles:
"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning."

Another excellent book: “When Panic Attacks”, written by a lovely Irish lass named Aine Tubridy

You’ve brought me, my best friend and my mother great joy in our lives. You’ve been such a blessing on this planet. Thank you. Sending you a million good energy waves!!! xox

Posted by kassleruk on 18/04/2011

Marian, just wanted to remind you that you are AMAZING! So funny, kind and genuine. I hope so much that you are doing better and will be posting an update soon. Be kind to yourself x x x

Posted by Donna83 on 05/04/2011

To Himself Keyes
Thank you sir for taking such good care of my favorite author.. thank you sir for your support and love for her, thank you for making it that tiny bit easier. Thank you

with lots of love to both of you from Pakistan

Posted by hira on 02/04/2011

hi marian, i totally understand what you are going through i suffer from depression, insomnia,and ocd when i was a little girl i used to sit in a dark closet to lock myself away, everyday i wake up early and scared thats if i sleep at all, i have an addictive nature so i turned to achohol for years and thought i became someone else someone better but alas it was not true, then i met a fantastic bloke not my usual dregs lol, we now live together and i eventually stopped the drink, about eight weeks ago i stopped taking my anti depressants and i am literally taking it minute by minute its hard but i just think of the people i would leave behind, so please dont give in there is only so many times i can read this charming man (my fav) my copy is totally battered, and every other one of your books its funny i said to my partner as soon as i started reading one of your books this lady is like me she is depressed but please hang on in there xxx

Posted by georgethomas on 01/04/2011

Dear Marian,
I am a bit late to the game, and for that I apologize. I am genuinely sorry you are in the midst of purgatory. I pray that you emerge very, very soon.
It is a vile disease, a cancer of the spirit, and so sadly misunderstood. I have had it for over 20 years, and I must thank you, for when I was able to actually read, your wonderful books took me out of my jagged mind for a lovely bit.
For your sake, out of true empathy, I wish I could alleviate your suffering. Since I am no fairy godmother, I am afraid all I may offer you is something my mum gave me when I was sick. She called it "special powers." It was her simply offering tenderness & hugs; but as this was the antithesis of her regular mien, it was a remarkable gift.
She managed to metaphorically hoist me on her back, and carry me towards the light at the end of the tunnel while I was blind to.
I dearly hope that you have someone to lean on, and that you be granted peace so very soon.
With apologies for the ramblings (paint is my preferred medium), my sincerest best wishes,
Bine

Posted by Bine on 31/03/2011

Hi Marian, I hope you are feeling better and have come out the other side of your depression. It's a tough thing to go through. I've just been reading The Brightest Star in the Sky, which I loved, like I love all your other books, and I was delighted to read at the back that you are a feminist. Not only that but you say you're working your way through the feminist classics. We've started a feminist section over at Mumsnet where we have a monthly book club and you might be interested in some of the threads (we were recently reading The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan - which is almost as accurate now about current sexism as it was about sexism forty years ago), we've also done a bit of Dworkin along with quite a few recent feminist books. We'll be doing Kate Millet's Sexual Politics in a couple of months. It's over here anyway - http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights . It's very active and lots of people coming to feminism for the first time - lots of Marian Keyes fans too! So you might find it interesting.

Posted by dittany on 21/03/2011

i havent been on the site in a while so was very sad to read the last couple of newsletters, so sorry that you have been throuh such a black time. i suffered depression after the death of my best friend and the 2 things that kept me going were my dog and reading "is anybody out there?" your book saved me from many dark thoughts and for the first time i laughed (a thing i felt id never do again) your words really spoke to me and lifted me each time i opened the book. i truely hope that you are continuing to improve, your honest words will help others suffering the hell of depression. i hope you are soon back to feeling your self, the marian we all love so much. your talent for writing has helped so many people, and i cant thank you enough for what your book did for me at a time that seemed so bleak. you can beat this x

Posted by kel on 12/03/2011

Hi,

I would just like to suggest that you try a therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it's a behavioural treatment which has so far proven to be very efficacious in treating depression. I highly recommend you come off antidepressants, they DO NOT WORK, they increase suicidality and increase your activity levels (while your depression doesn't go). they appear effective in the short term because, essentially, they work because of a placebo effect. The ideaof depression as a biological illness is essentially a myth propogated by the pharmaceutical industry and psychiatrists who seek to validate their profession. behavioural treatments such as ACT are far more effective in the long term.

Posted by aoife2 on 11/03/2011

Marian you are such an amazing woman and writer. I absolutely love you. Your books are getting me through post natal depression and I'm so greatful to you. I dread the moment I'll read the last page of your last book. My thoughts are with you, I hope that soon you'll pass the line and stay over it...

Posted by scarletroad on 08/03/2011

it seems so quiet since last year here. i would like to hope that you are on the mend and would love to let you know i am one of the world book night givers chosen for giving rachels holiday. i am soo chuffed as when i had a similar episode of depression your books got me through each day and started collecting each and every single book from the dress rehearsal to the brightest star in the sky ive read them all. i hope that you find your way out of the dark and back into the light as this world needs your books your words and the laughter they give. know that you are not aloan and with every book we read we are with you. hope to hear from you soon on newsletter love from scotland xxxx

Posted by kbabydoll on 01/03/2011

Hi Marian, I am writing to you as a fan from Australia. I found your books by chance a few years ago, and have never looked back. I LOVE them, they always make me laugh and leave me feeling hopeful. I bought your last book back in 2009 and everytime i walk past a book store i always look to see if you have came out with another one. So today i decided to Google you and found what you had posted in your newsletter. Just by scrolling down there are so many people who are sending their love and thoughts out to you, it must feel great to have that kind of fan base. So even though you have heard it a million times, im going to say it aswell. Now i know what has been going on with you, you will be in my thoughts everyday. I wish for you to start feeling like sunshine again, you have a humour which i love, and im sure you will get back there again some day. One step as a time as they say. One of the reasons why i wanted to travel to the UK was your books! I went in 2008 and im coming again in May 2011. Thank you for inspiring me. Eat some cake for me...they look incredible! All the best Marian. From your fan in Perth Western Australia.
Claire

Posted by claires85 on 01/03/2011

Hi Marion, I just wanted to say that I have always loved your books so much and taken so much inspiration from them... As a Yoga teacher I'm sorry to hear that you didn't really find it helped and I just wanted to say that its ok- that actually pretty much everyone has poisonous thoughts (I remember the day, I mastered headstand, I was fantasising about burning my exes house down) and thats ok- one of the biggest challenges in Yoga is to stop judging ourselves and realize we are more than our thoughts, and the path of Yoga can be a ragged and bloody one, despite its chamomile tea image- which is actually pretty misleading... Anyway, I am so delighted you are on the mend, and as someone who is a fan of fighting the sadness with baking I completely recommend the BBC recipe you can google for Banana Pecan Crunch cake... Me and my best friend are both sending so much love too, Victoria

Posted by yogadiva on 26/02/2011

Hi Marian. I am a big fan of your books and found they helped me lift from low points. I just want to say that even though you don't feel like you will get better YOU WILL because it happened to me and I did. After I had my beautiful daughter I felt like I was walking along normally and then all of a sudden had fallen down a black hole and falling. I suffered severe depression and anxiety etc. and felt like i'd literally lost my mind. I got better and so will you. Please know that all of your fans are thinking of you xxxooo.

Posted by Davina on 22/02/2011

Hi Marian. I am a big fan of your books and found they helped me lift from low points. I just want to say that even though you don't feel like you will get better YOU WILL because it happened to me and I did. After I had my beautiful daughter I felt like I was walking along normally and then all of a sudden had fallen down a black hole and falling. I suffered severe depression and anxiety etc. and felt like i'd literally lost my mind. I got better and so will you. Please know that all of your fans are thinking of you xxxooo.

Posted by Davina on 22/02/2011

Dear Marian, I don't know if you are feeling better yet but I thought I'd post just in case.

I feel so lucky that I learned what I needed to know at that time to help me feel back to normal. I had a very similar experience to yourself only it didn't go on for nearly so long. I feel so sorry for you.

My way out the other side of it was being able to have compassion for myself (as well as others). Exercise: Imagine someone is sat next to you sympathising with you and stopping you from attacking yourself with negative thoughts - now imagine that person is yourself. That exercise is from Paul Gilbert's book 'The Compassionate Mind'.
Not having to rely on getting compassion only from others, was a big thing for me.

For the anxiety it turned out I just needed to be assertive, be able to take control of my life and my relationships (even family ones) and then just to wait until the anxiety passed – however long it took (a month/longer), even if it still flares up a little still every now and again. This is the advice from the book: 'Self-help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes. If you are feeling low/depressed because you have tired out your nervous system that low feeling is also going to take quite a while for you to get over gradually, it's not going to happen suddenly! So don't put pressure on yourself for it to happen straight away!

I have been recovered for about 3 years now and know that these things help me if I feel mildly low from time to time as well.

I love your books and look forward to all the wonderful things you will write in the future!

Love,
Emily

Posted by Emalina on 21/02/2011

Dear Marian,
The horrors sound...well...horrible. Not an auspicious beginning to a note of encouragement but, my god, it sounds (reads) as though you've been struggling to breathe on a daily basis. But at least you're struggling. At least a part of you (admittedly, a sometimes microscopic part) is struggling against the horrors and pushing ahead. I read about all the inroads that you've made/attempted, and I'm astonished by your resilience (and your cakes - do you ship to Canada?). Like the other folks who have posted here, I am a huge fan. My copy of Rachel's Holiday no longer has a front/back cover and the spine is not looking so hot, either. And, like the other posters, I want to chime in that you can do it. It's been 9 months since your last post (which you probably know :)). You can do it!!! One day, you will sleep properly, you'll care about the shining sun, you'll turn off the blasted Sky network, and you'll soldier on. Until then - courage. I wish you and your family sustained courage, tenacity, sunshine, and the knowledge that you have well-wishers around the flobe.(this signifies the end of my rant :))

Posted by Seebs on 20/02/2011

Really missing a new Marian to look forward to. Whats my fave - so hard to choose. I love all your work. Ironic that the missive above chronicling your depression and suicidal tendencies made me laugh out loud. Many of your bookshave made me laugh AND cry AT THE SAME TIME. genius. Love and miss you.xx

Posted by BrightStar on 16/02/2011

dear Marian Keyes I adore your latest book..and everybook you have ever written. You make me laugh outloud on trains at 6am and sneek into the staff room to read a page when I should be working..

Posted by deargemma on 16/02/2011

Marian you are such an amazing writer i first experienced your wit and charm with under the duvet and then started to see your books everywhere.

After a couple of years amongst my boxes of books that are awaiting shelves to display them you take prize position at the top of the box with many of your titles still waiting to be opened.

Currently taking part in a book challenge i have chosen a few of your books to read as part of it.

This Charming Man
Anybody Out There
The Brightest Star in the Sky - my other half bought me for vday i can't wait to read it!

I really hope you sort things out.

Much love oh and the cakes look AMAZING!

Young1
http://onlyyoungonce.wordpress.com

Posted by Young1 on 15/02/2011

Hey Marian
I think you're so brave to talk about your struggles. It helps all of us who've done battle with the demons in the basement.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Hugs from Australia

Posted by sarapax on 15/02/2011

Hi Marian, I hope you are feeling better now. I want to say how much I love your books and I love your honesty and sense of humour. I am going through a tough time myself but your books alwyas help me through. You are much loved out there!!!

Posted by HeatherC on 12/02/2011

Marian, Like loads of other fans, I keep checking your site to check if you have an update. Just to make sure you're ok. We love you and care about you, and many of us feel your pain as we suffer too. I'd love to regale to you my wonderful story of how I've survived the horrors, but like you, it hasn't happened yet, but I try to be hopeful.

Love and respect, from a huge fan,

Ceri

Posted by ceri ann on 12/02/2011

It's ok to be sad, stop saying sorry :) some of the best pictures are developed in the dark...
Cake xxx

Posted by cake_is_heaven on 11/02/2011

Hi Marian. I just wanted to say that I hope things are going well for you. I've been a huge fan since I read the back cover of Watermelon about 13 years ago. I was struck down with depression last year, and it took me many months to come out of it, but I'm on the mend now. The sun is coming out. I hope it is for you too. We all love you, and you mean so much to so many people. Love and hugs. Emma xx

Posted by Robnem on 08/02/2011

Marian, I am in America and happened upon your books in the library and you are the best author I have ever read! I've been laid off and also have had to deal w/ the "horrors" so I know how you feel. Medication and family have been such a help. Please know that at some point it will get better and that you have people that love you!

Posted by RPost15 on 03/02/2011

Dear Marian, only today (Feb 3rd) I got to visit your site and I'm pretty happy about it! I really love reading your books. They make me feel good and also tell me that everyone has problems and solutions. I bought "This Charming Man" yesterday and I got very happy because I found an edition in English (I'm Brazilian) and I'm an English teacher which is great to continue learning. I hope you had a wonderful New Year and that you keep writing the way you are. I wish you all the best for you and your family. Hugs, Rê.

Posted by Rê on 03/02/2011

Marian WE LOVE YOU, the world is a better place with you in it. All our love from Greece...

Posted by youla on 02/02/2011

Our darling Marian... I hope you'll feel better one of these days...

I think I am one of your biggest fans from * * * Greece * * * (by the way, our economy is so bad lately that I read "Under the duvet" regularly for a smile... I know most quotes by heart!) and I wish i could have come to work on "THE AD"... Anyway...

I hope that things will improve soon and that Himself will look after you properly until you feel better!

Just hold on, WE LOVE YOU, you've made the world a better place (really) and I want to thank you so much for that...

Posted by youla on 02/02/2011

I know nobody has written here in a while, and that it probably doesn't get checked considering it's dated almost half a year ago, but I absolutely HAD to write something after reading the above newsletter entry. Marian, I am a voracious reader of all things literary, and yet nothing I have ever come across has touched me quite as much as your books. I read them in a cycle, constantly coming back to them, and although I know most of the words by heart, they never fail to comfort and cheer me. I call Last Chance Saloon my 'chicken soup read', because in times of need it never fails to make the crapness of the world fade away. You are truly talented, and I feel like I know you through your writing. Stay strong and soldier on - I will continue to read all of your books constantly and think of you and hope that you're feeling even minutely better every day. Happy 2011, and I hope that it brings you nothing but happiness, love and well-being. Much love and best wishes from AUSTRALIA! xoxo

Posted by EmLynd on 01/02/2011

Dear Marian, it wouldn't be going too far to say that this blog post saved me during my own sojourn in The Bad Place. It describes so articulately, so exactly, how I feel, especially the terrors, that I realised that despite what I had been suspecting (that no one in the world has ever possibly felt as bad as me and I've got some kind of super, unheard of, new bad mental illness) that I can come out of it. I don't want to say I'm coming out of it now as I'm a bit superstitious about these things, but if I say things are looking brighter and a huge chunk of that is thanks to you, then that's not going too far! You're so inspirational and thank you for sharing this post. I'm also going to show it to my family and husband, so they can understand it's similar to how I'm feeling, but can't find a way to explain myself.

Bless you, and I hope you're all better by now.

Posted by Sarah83 on 15/01/2011

Dear Marian, it wouldn't be going too far to say that this blog post saved me during my own sojourn in The Bad Place. It describes so articulately, so exactly, how I feel, especially the terrors, that I realised that despite what I had been suspecting (that no one in the world has ever possibly felt as bad as me and I've got some kind of super, unheard of, new bad mental illness) that I can come out of it. I don't want to say I'm coming out of it now as I'm a bit superstitious about these things, but if I say things are looking brighter and a huge chunk of that is thanks to you, then that's not going too far! You're so inspirational and thank you for sharing this post. I'm also going to show it to my family and husband, so they can understand it's similar to how I'm feeling, but can't find a way to explain myself.

Bless you, and I hope you're all better by now.

Posted by Sarah83 on 15/01/2011

Hello Marian,
I sincerely hope you're feeling somewhat better now and wish you all the best for this new year!!
I've been a huge fan ever since I bought 'Rachel's Holiday' during my year in Ireland and I was so sorry to read about your depression, especially as my method of getting better when I'm feeling low is picking up one of your books. I've just reread 'The Other Side of The Story' and - as usual - it has done the trick. My Finnish flat-mate used to do the same and after she'd already moved out, she came back one day when I wasn't in and "just went into your room, straight to your book shelf, took out two of your books and left again", as my other flat-mates reported. Later she explained that she'd been feeling depressed and knew that your books would help, which they did, of course.
All the best to you, Nellie

Posted by Nellie on 15/01/2011

Hi Marian, I noticed no one has written for a while so I thought I'd come on just to say Happy New Year and that I hope this year is kinder to you than the last. I really miss seeing your newsletter popping up in inbox, I feel like I've lost a friend, I really do. I do so hope that you're getting back to your old self and would love to hear from you, even if it's just the words "I'm still here". Your fans love you lots Marian. Especially me :) XxX

Posted by Bekkib123 on 13/01/2011

Marian I wish we could meet for a coffee! Oh not so I can tell you what a good writer you are or to cheer you up a bit but just to have a blether and talk cake, families, men, telly etc etc and to be able to discuss openly and honestly and not wothut humour the way depression induced anxiety or anxiety induced depression can effect your life. Yip been there too babe and only for the grace of god and my children and family (along with anti depressants)am I here, unashamedly wrting this to you. Yes I heard those talking too about "what i had to be depressed about", Marian I didn't know myself - but in the wee small hours I was (to myself) the worst person who ever walked this earth & my god how I prayed for an end to the obtrusive and poisonous thoughts that came to me in those hours. I like you became unable to talk or take part in coversation due to the battle in my own head was too consuming to allow any other concentration!
Anyway love I really could go on & on - but the truth is we are here and we are still standing & everyday above ground is a good day. I hope as this finds you that you are well and if you ever fancy that coffee? Hell maybe we could write a book!!! love to you

Posted by maisie35 on 08/01/2011

Dear Marian,
I don't recall how i got my hands on the first book i read of yours many years ago. But it was a book i was glad i acquired from that day on i was a fan. I looked in librarys etc to read something, anything written by you. I started to buy your books i even had (I am incredibly sorry and embarrassed that i forget the name)a short story of yours which i paid quite a few pennies for and when it arrived on my doorstep felt very disappointed by the size until i started to read. Then i had some heart ache. I lost my second child at 15 weeks gestation in 2007 and since that day i changed. Fortunately since i have had a beautiful 2nd daughter and im now expecting a son but the loss i experienced plunged me into darkness and i have yet to dig my way out.
I was once a happy go lucky confident girl today all i see is a scared worried girl lacking in any confidence and generally living day by day. I was looking for gifts for xmas that my man could get me and suddenly it occurred to me that i had been after reading This Charming man for the past few years but had never found a copy so he bought me that. I looked online and read you had also realized The Brightest Star in The Sky. So i made him get me that one too.
I am now reading it and am finding it so uplifting.
I can understand your thinking why people would say 'well what does she have to be depressed about'. At 7 months pregnant i have to tell myself everyday not to mention how i feel because i know too many people who have spent many years struggling to become pregnant. Some one told me not so long ago that i had no reason to be depressed even if i did lose my precious baby i also had a living child and had managed to conceive a baby. And i am blessed i realize that. But it does not change how i feel each day. Keep being yourself
You are an inspiration and an amazing writer and you deserve every happiness.
Laughter is by far the best medicine so laugh daily. :D

Nicole xxxxxxxx

Posted by Coley25 on 28/12/2010

Hi Marian :)

I think it's really lovely that you feel you can share what you're going through with your readers. It's nice to have an outlet as everyone knows that keeping things bottled up does you no good! I hope that by this time you are feeling much better :) Take things one day at a time and don't expect too much from yourself too soon.

I'm a huge fan of your books and they take pride of place on my bookshelf.

Take care of yourself! :)

Claire x

Posted by OptimusClaire on 16/12/2010

Dear Marian,
there's no other „public” person, whose problems I would care about as much as yours. I realize that you pay a very high price for us reader's enjoyment - your high sensibility makes you prone to depression apparently. As many of your readers I feel that I owe you something, because you've made us feel better many, many times, so if we could do something to comfort you we would. So just lest us know what it could be.

Posted by Joanna on 12/12/2010

Hi Marian. I hope things are improving for you.

Posted by jenniferlindsay on 09/12/2010

Hello, Marian! I'm a reader from Brazil and a huge fan of your work. I'd just like to say that you are an incredible person who has an amazing talent. I believe I have read all your books, and I would love to help you on these hard times just as you did for me with your writing.
I really hope you are feeling better,'cause you're a very special person that deserves only the best.
Take care and get well soon!

Posted by Bruna Cerioni on 06/12/2010

Hello Marian, I am deeply worried about your wellbeing. Your books give me the will to live with a laugh, so PLEASE hang in there and find that happiness again. Warm hugs from Heidi in cold Norway.

Posted by Heidilines on 29/11/2010

Marian, I jumped onto your website to see if there was any news on a potential new book and I ran across the hardships you're facing. I feel like I've let you down! There's not a week that goes by that one of your characters doesn't flash through my mind, whether I'm at work crunching numbers or trying to look seriously at my husband. You are so amazing to me, I almost feel like I know you (in a healthy, not creepy way)! Please hang on. You're brilliant. Best, Gill

Posted by gillian610 on 26/11/2010

Marian, I really hope you're doing even better now. I've been through a rough patch myself this year and the only thing I could read were your books. Honest! You helped me laugh at myself and my problems, and every time I needed to get away from my thoughts I just read for hours. I wish I could do the same for you. Pay no attention to people who say that you shouldn't be depressed because you are blessed. Depression has mostly to do with brain chemistry, not with your circumstances. I know about that, I had child depression and, a few years later, teenage depression. So I know exactly the feeling of getting through the day one hour at a time. The fact that you're baking and eating seems like a good sign! There's not much anybody can say to you right now, but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel eventually and you'll be happy you hung on.
Hope you're doing even better nowadays. Vicky

Posted by celticprincess on 24/11/2010

Dear Marian,

You're such an inspiration!! Frankly, I just read your book "The Charming Man" and it was the first time for me EVER in reading any of your books! I was BLOWN AWAY instantly!! I just couldn't put that book down, LITERALLY!! I finished reading the whole thing in just 5 days!!
That's a record for me!! :)

Presently, I live in Indonesia and am a native Indonesian. I've been reading lots and lots of books (including novels) and when I finally landed on yours, it's just "WOW".

Right now, am reading your other book "The Other Side of The Story", and still in love with your style..

Hope you're always in good health, Marian... Keep writing as your loyal readers here are POSITIVELY waiting for it!! :)

xoxo

Posted by joellagladys on 24/11/2010

Hi Marian , I keep checking in just to see if there is any update on how you are feeling ! I hope you are still taking one day at a time and are feeling stronger and better equiped to deal with each day. My thoughts and prayers are with you and look forward to having you back to yourself. x

Posted by siobhan on 18/11/2010

Dear Marian,
I'm really sorry to hear of your illness but am glad that you are trying to keep on top of those demons. I feel the need to tell you how absolutely amazing your books are. I especially rate "This Charming Man" I work for Womens Aid and feel that this book is so relevant to the sufferers of domestic violence. I recommend it to everybody I can. You are a superb author and I won't put you under any pressure but I can't wait till you write your next book. You are an inspiration to me! Thank you.

Posted by crazychic on 14/11/2010

Dear Marian

Thank you for all that you write especially about yourself. Ever since I got my hands on one of your books from the local library (think it was 'Sushi for Beginners', I have been a fan!!!! My favourites though have to be stories from under the duvet cover....I tell you, i was laughing so loudly while I was having coffee at a cafe that the owners and others in the cafe started giving me suspicious looks and I had to leave cos I thought they would soon call in medics to 'assess' me!!!!

I am doing night shift at the moment which leaves me bordering on some kind of zombie-then-deliriously tired state throught he whole 5 nights that its a miracle my children are still being clothed and fed...(only because my wise mother got me to hire a nanny to look after them ESP when I'm on nights!!!)

Anyway....'Postcards from the Bed' is keeping me company as I head into the twilight zone tonight....I so want to wish you well....you have brought me out of a really dark place when my marriage ended and I turned to alcohol and dodgy men to add to my sorrows...i am past that thought I still get visits from my memory box from time to time to remind me of where I've been (in my books close to the fiery furnace of hell!!) and the stupid stupid decisions I made....but I am still here....my children are with me (they were taken away from me by their father at one time leaving me to wallow further into my alcoholism!), my parents havent turned their backs on me, I have a job (yay for that one!!!) and I am breathing and alive! I take each day as it comes, I take strength from my christian upbringing (there have plenty of wailing and gnashing of teeth in my part of the world!!!) and enjoy the company of my girlfriends over coffee, cakes and gossip (then buy!!) over the latest shoe styles (yes, i am a self-confessed shoe fetish!!!)........

Although we are from vastly different parts of the world (I was born inlittle known Fiji (islands....now living in New Zealand and for the past yr in Australia)....your Irish humour has always put a smile on my face.

You are a phenomenal woman!!!

eta

ps....and much admiration to Himself for just being himself!!!

Posted by vilismum on 14/11/2010

What can I say to you, apart from, if you only knew how much you have SAVED ME in these past years when I have been put through really upsetting times, like the time when my husband decided he didnt fancy me anymore because i had put too much weight on, or the time when my son announced that he had gotten girlfriend no.2 preggers within 4 months of girlfriend no.1 being preggers and having run off nowhere to be seen (I have a grand daughter that I have never met) ... I would hasten to add I am only 43, i could go on. I am not trying to take the attention, that is not my intention, I just wanted to say .. thank you so much for making me laugh, for making me realise that people with the same sense of humour as me can write books and help others through dark times. If i could do that for you, I would. With all my heart lovely Marian Keyes xxx

Posted by alwayshopeful on 09/11/2010

Hi Marion, hope you are feeling better. You're a very very clever girl and have obviously got a massive gift, as the words you write resonate with so so many people across the globe. Please dont die. My father did a spot of what I call "DIY" dying. Four years later no-one in my family thinks they are better off with out him. So I hope that the desire not to be here anymore has passed you by. Totally unoriginally,and subsequent to my fathers death I have the odd spot of depression and anxiety. After reading all the posts (well not ALL of them)from the masses of people who adore you and what you do. It would be a very bad idea for you to ship out.Think of the carnage!!! Anyhoo... I love Rachels Holiday so I hope it really is being made into a movie. Ive only read it nine times. Take care of your own self. Loving your work xxx

Posted by andiroo on 09/11/2010

It was so good to hear from you Marian, I've missed you! I'm at a loss for what to say, as I'm sure it's all already been covered, but do know that I am thinking of you. Sending you much love, and hopes for the best. I get a lot of joy and comfort from your books, so I have a lot to thank you for. I truly do think you're incredible, and as an English student and now-and-again writer, you really are an inspiration to me. Not just from a professional aspect, but I admire your strength too. Please hang in there. Keep going. It will be worth it, I'm sure of that.
Keep baking, the cakes look delicious! It'd be lovely to have another update from you soon. Lots of love, Amy xx

Posted by Amy21 on 01/11/2010

querida marian,
my best wishes that you have the strenght to fight your depression! you are the best writer for me, and reading rachel's holiday helped me heal my addictions... god bless you for putting into words what a lot of us feel.... you are not alone... beijos from brasil

Posted by toledo on 28/10/2010

To echo the crowds here, I think you are a wonderful writer and reading your books has really helped me escape my own stress, put things into perspective, and encouraged me to see things with a sense of humor. I hope that in the long run, your pain and suffering will be redeemed in some way. Until then, please know how many thousands of people are uplifted by reading your wonderful books! <<HUG>>

Posted by KateH on 26/10/2010

To Marian Keyes
I've got a new one for you Marian Muay Thai Boxing. I slipped into a suicidal depression after returning from a stint of English teaching in China in 2004. 2 weeks later I was on a plane to Thailand with the intention of getting myself into ball breaking shape and then heading off to join the French Foreign Legion.
Normal life had just come to seem totally pointless to me. But after 6 weeks of Muay Thai I was so fit and refreshed I didn't need to join the FFL. I just kept boxing for another 3 months, I read books, met wonderful people. I go to Lanna Boxing in the north of Thailand in the magical city of Chiang Mai. If you fancy a go drop me a line. The camps owner Andy is like a big Teddy bear. We're like an ashram who kick ass 6 hours a day, we meditate beating bags and one another but always with a smile on our faces.
Anyway I lived in Thailand the past 4.5 years doing a degree in philosophy with the Uni of London external programme and writing books ha, ha.
I'd nearly run out of money in May this year so came home and gradually slipped into the worst depression of my life. Like you I don't stay in bed all day but lost all ability to focus on anything writing, reading, just flashing from one distraction to the next, eating exercising, then the exercise fell away a few weeks ago and I knew I was really in trouble. I'd been hitting the bottle big time in binges. The deadly triangle as I term it whisky, beer and red wine alternated between as I surfed the net, edited a story. Seems Alistair Campbell used a similar cocktail before his breakdown.
Anyway I've decided to cure myself in a few ways 1. I've totally slowed down for the first time in years 2. I'm going to box for a couple of months. If that doesn't do the trick hopefully flying to the other side of the world will at least give me some ideas.
Glad you’re feeling better but I know how long it takes.
Regards
Paul
P.S. I bought your first book ‘Watermelon’ today for my sisters birthday, which is how I stumbled across your newsletter. On the way home not fancying reading the wartime novel in my bag I took out my sisters birthday present and painstakingly read it without bending the spine/cover. Absolutely brilliant you had me laughing out loud I’m your average 33 year old, decent looking male and surrounded by women on the train from Birmingham I caught a few rye smirks. Loved the opening chapter...will see how much I can read before I have to wrap it up. Will buy a copy for my flight to Thailand.
Oh you’re also my ex-girlfriends mums greatest love I always remember popping around to her house in Harborne and seeing a copy of your latest book on the arm of a sofa.
Don’t forget if you fancy the boxing.... www.lannamuaythai.com

Posted by Paulonzo on 22/10/2010

I've got a new one for you Marian Muay Thai Boxing. I slipped into a suicidal depression after returning from a stint of English teaching in China in 2004. 2 weeks later I was on a plane to Thailand with the intention of getting myself into ball breaking shape and then heading off to join the French Foreign Legion.

Normal life had just come to seem totally poinless to me. But after 6 weeks of Muay Thai I was so fit and refreshed I didn't need to join the FFL. I just kept boxing for another 3 months, I read books, met wonderful people. I go to Lanna Boxing in the north of Thailand in the magical city of Chiang Mai. If you fancy a go drop me a line. The camps owner Andy is like a big Teddy bear. We're like an ashram who kick ass 6 hours a day, we meditate beating bags and one another but only with a smile on our faces.

Anyway I lived in Thailand the past 4.5 years doing a degree in philoosphy with the uni of london external programme and writing books ha, ha.

I'd nearly run out of money in May this year so came home and gradually slipped into the worst depression of my life. Like you I don't stay in bed all day but lost all ability to focus on anything writing, reading, just flashing from one distraction to the next, eating exerscising, then the exercise fell away a few weeks ago and I knew I was really in trouble. I'd been hitting the bottle big time in binges. The deadly triangle as I term it whisky, beer and red wine alternated between as I surfed the net, edited a story. Seems Alistair campbell used a similar cocktail before his breakdown.

Anyway I've decided to cure myself in a few ways 1. I've totally slowed down for the first time in years 2. I'm going to box for a couple of months. If that doesn't do the trick hopefully flying to the oter side of the world will at least give me some ideas.

Glad yo're feeling better but I know how long it takes.

Regards
Paul

Posted by Paulonzo on 22/10/2010

Marian

Hope you're feeling better!

Lao Tzu said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (loose translation from Tao Te Ching)....now I don't know if we're following you because we're desperate for more of your brilliant work or after one of those yummy looking cakes.... just wanted you to know that all your fans out there are following and supporting you on your journey back to being yourself again...keep going, be strong, and most importantly, be happy!! One step at a time :O)

Take all the time you need, we're not going anywhere!

Hugs

Kelly

xx

Posted by FYI on 19/10/2010

Marian, I can't believe that you have basically described the exact same anxiety/depressive kind of episode that I had. I have recovered for nearly 3 years now. The way I found worked for me was to treat the anxiety and depression seperately with two different cognitive techniques that I found weren't covered by regular CBT. To stop the anxiety you have to just stop thinking of how to stop it all the time, and let it get better on it's own - do your best to think about something else. However, that technique doesn't work with the depression - for that you need to imagine that there is someone sitting beside you who has complete compassion and understanding for the distress you are going through + then try to be that person for yourself, so stop attacking yourself with negative thoughts. I realised that I wasn't very good at feeling compassionate for myself and was relying on others emotionally far too much.
I guess these things might not work for everyone but I noticed a difference straight away.
The other thing is your hyper-activity you mentioned. If the cognitive techniques above really don't help then it may be possible that you are actually bi-polar rather than uni-polar (depressive). To be honest, I don't think it's something you should rule out yourself, but perhaps check it out with a mental health professional that you trust. Don't be afraid to shop around for psychiatrists or counsellors.
That's the last point actually - be assertive. Depression can be anger and frustration turned inwards so cleanse your life as much as possible of unnecessarily anger-inducing, upsetting people and situations.
I love your books Marian - you inspire me in my own life.
Take care of yourself. :)
Emily

Posted by EmilyMaryDavis on 14/10/2010

Marian, I have loved all of you novels and have just read Cracks in My Foundation (I suppose that's Further Under The Duvet outside of Canada) and I loved getting to know you a bit better. I myself suffer from depression and understand how hard (is that word strong enough?) it can be. You have been through such difficult times already that it seems unfair to ask you to go through more, but we cannot give up. You cannot give up. You are a wonder and a gift to all of us, for your writing and charity work and your amazing spirit. Please remember that we are all rooting for you and supporting you from a distance. Do what you must to get better, but stay with us! Where would the world be without Marian Keyes?

Posted by raven_up_here on 13/10/2010

I hope you feel better soon! I couldn't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I know everyone gets their "down" days but to have it constantly must be awful.
I just wanted to say that I love your books, every single one of them!
Another idea to "lift" your mood a bit...comedy! Even if it gives you a bit of light relief for a couple of hours. I love a bit of Lee Evans to cheer me up xx
PS...love the Wicklow photos! A family friend lives right by the mountains - thats the view she sees everyday! Breathtaking!

Posted by Becka_McDonnell on 06/10/2010

Dear Marian
Just logged onto your site to comment about "This Charming Man" and read your update instead. I want you to know that I love your books, I was describing them to my husband as a good combination of comedy and serious topics such as domestic violence, alcoholism, depression etc. I hope things turn around for you, because you are an amazing writer and every book you've written has provided me with hours of escape from my boring, housewife life. Also, I'm Muslim, not that it makes a difference, but it's funny to hear your perspective, such as "ol prune eyes". Can I request in your next book, a Muslim female character who's strong, independent, funny and stylish? That would be awesome. Feel well, and don't be hard on yourself.

Fatima

Posted by Fatima on 03/10/2010

Dear Marian, I feel for from the bottom of my heart in this difficult time. Your books have helped in my darkest hours as I struggled with a bout of Bell's Palsy ( a kind of temporary facial paralysis) in January'10. At a time when my own face refused to obey my commands, your books made me forget my fears and smile again (albeit only half a smile as the right side of my face was paralysed:-). I have been reading your books for over two years now and I've read them all and found echoes of my myself in them as I'm sure have millions of others around the world. You have a special gift, Marian, a gift to give a smile to a face even at times when there doesn't seem much to smile about. Which is why, I feel that it is ironic that you are struggling to find the joy in your life right now. Well, my friend, you have sent out so much joy into the world, at times when it was desperately needed, that you should borrow some from all of us. I hope you feel fecking great soon!!! Lots of love and good wishes all the way from India. God bless you

Posted by priya on 29/09/2010

Dear Marian, I feel for from the bottom of my heart in this difficult time. Your books have helped in my darkest hours as I struggled with a bout of Bell's Palsy ( a kind of temporary facial paralysis) in January'10. At a time when my own face refused to obey my commands, your books made me forget my fears and smile again (albeit only half a smile as the right side of my face was paralysed:-). I have been reading your books for over two years now and I've read them all and found echoes of my myself in them as I'm sure have millions of others around the world. You have a special gift, Marian, a gift to give a smile to a face even at times when there doesn't seem much to smile about. Which is why, I feel that it is ironic that you are struggling to find the joy in your life right now. Well, my friend, you have sent out so much joy into the world, at times when it was desperately needed, that you should borrow some from all of us. I hope you feel fecking great soon!!! Lots of love and good wishes all the way from India. God bless you

Posted by priya on 29/09/2010

Hi Marian, I very much hope you are still feeling and getting better. Have just read your May newsletter, your symptoms sound so familiar, had something very similar so I wanted to send you my warmest regards. Your book "Anybody Out There" was the first thing I was able to read after a nasty bout of less agitated depression and "This Charming Man" was my latest saviour. I just wondered (and I am sure that they have) if your Dr ever suggested combination therapy? I tried loads of different anti-depressants but because I had the anxiety and horrors as well as the complete apathy they tried me on two different types of meds, a sedative type in the evening (Mirtazipine plus sleeping pill) and normal anti-depressant in day time (citilopram) it really worked as was able to properly calm down at night and have some sleep and normal head space. Anyway enough about that, you totally rock, I wish I could write like you. I love Lola's character in This Charming Man, she is currently my favourite. Take good care. xxxxxxx

Posted by Heatherlou on 29/09/2010

Wow, I just googled your name to see if you had a new book coming out anytime soon...

I have been living with clinical depression for ten years now...I liked reading your list of things you've tried, I could certainly relate. One thing that helped me - knowing that the fact that i existed mattered to someone on this earth. For me it was my mom, my husband, and my cat. For you, you have your sisters, precious Oscar, and all the kind people who've written such lovely things to you. And me. Your books have made me laugh, get angry, actually feel, during periods of life when everything was gray and tasted of dust. Even now, after a hard day at work and stress at home, I just opened up Angels for about the tenth time, and your words are like comfort food for my soul. You are a marvelous spirit, and a blessing to us all. I am very grateful for you. I will be praying for you, and eagerly awaiting your next newsletter. The very best for you. (and for more happy tv, try Modern Family- very funny stuff. And Arrested Development)

Posted by marleyp on 28/09/2010

o how i love, love, love, love, love, LOVE you ... x

Posted by dreah on 27/09/2010

Hi Marian. I suppose I am not your typical Marian Keyes reader as I am male, but hunting around for something to read, I found my wife's Under the Duvet and I haven't stopped laughing since. Can't wait to get my hands on the follow-up. So the long and short of it, I hope you feel better soon as you rock and then you are sexy too. Kind regards from South Africa

Posted by Poirot on 27/09/2010

Marian, as a wise woman once said to me, 'just keep swimming'. I keep checking back to see if you are feeling well again. Ive also been locked in the crippling horrors, and found a way out. It can get better, Im thinking of you and wish you well. xxx

Posted by chelle on 26/09/2010

Dear amiga, i really hope you are feeling better. Just wanna give you a huge hug and say that you are F***ing AMAZING! Things WILL be better, of course they will. There´s no hapinness that last forever, and there´s no sadness that last forever! So stay strong, and before you noted, all this will be gone.

Posted by CR on 24/09/2010

Hi Marian, been checking your website every now and then to see how you are, I truly hope things are getting better for you. I've recently had a 'Marianathon' of your books to cheer myself up through my own little dark patch, so I would just think to say thanks. Take care and really hope to hear how you are doing soon- Sarah

Posted by Scassidy5 on 23/09/2010

Missing you, Marian. Hope the horrors are being kept at bay. Keep chucking those cakes at 'em! Thinking of you, as I'm sure all your fans are, and on a slightly flippant note, new series of Strictly is on its way ...
Cxx

Posted by devonshire dumpling on 22/09/2010

I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing. I know is hard dealing depresion, I know is damn hard but to be selfish I want you to stay well because YOU made me feel alive again with your incredible "Rachel's Holliday". The emotions I had forgetten for a long, long time were back on. I love your work and please stay well because you are an angel! I wish you all the best! And it is an honour to write these words for you... Please tell them that the best Luke is Gerard Butler...

Posted by MichelleForever on 17/09/2010

Depression is a proper illness and all you can do is not put pressure on yourself and just keep on trying to get through each day. You should give bananas a try, they are full of lovely things that help you to produce seratonin which should help (a bit) to make you feel better - kind of like natural anti-depressants. I'd also recommend sunshine...
I'd just like to say thank you for all your books. I read Watermelon first and then Angels. I hadn't noticed they were by the same author, but of course I recognised the characters. Since then (around 2004) I have read all your books and so look forward to each new release. I have to limit myself to only reading each book twice a year! You are a fantastic author and I'd never read anything like your books before. Thanks again for sharing them with us and I really hope you carry on getting better xxx

Posted by lozstar9 on 17/09/2010

Dear Marian, I'm delighted to see you feeling better again! I also wanted to tell you that I read your last book "The brightest star in the sky" in 2 days and that it was hilarious to see you name my hometown Nantes in it!!! How come you put it there? I hope it was not because you really think it to be a boring lezzery town that only Hortenses would go to! ;-P Just thank you for having - once again! - made me feel great and this time by putting my lovely hometown in one of your wonderful my-life-and-mood-saving books!!! Keep your head up! Merci et bon courage! Tiphaine

Posted by Tiphaine on 14/09/2010

So glad to hear you're feeling better, and just wanted you to know that your writing kept me going through my own dark patch. Look after yourself, the cakes look yummy

Posted by Smelly on 13/09/2010

Hello Marian! Zuzette writing from little Stockholm, Sweden! I hope that you are now free from your "demons". I wish the absolute best for you and your loved ones! Zuzette/ a great fan

Posted by Zuzette on 09/09/2010

Hi Marian, I was deeply touched by your story because I went through a similarly difficult time which ended a year ago (lasted a few years for me) and I know how tough and hopeless it feels. Life truly had no meaning for me, I couldn't sleep, couldn't read like you described forgot the beginning at the end of sentence, I was deeply unhappy, and felt empty inside. Luckily though, I have found a solution. The trick is not to run away from your thoughts and feelings (which may be instinctual, because they hurt so much) but to listen to them, because they are trying to tell you something. What helped me, was getting a good, experienced therapist (developmental and analytical psychology worked for me, not cognitive-behavioural because the latter only tries to change behaviour, not the underlying emotional causes), with whom I developed a close relationship, where I was able to finally open up and admit to some of the feelings I have been trying to hide (from me and others). I was very scared in the beginning of the process - about what I would find in myself - but the world miraculously did not collapse, it was actually a great relief to find that my feelings are completely normal and my depression lifted. I stopped taking antidepressants last winter (they made me gain weight) and still get depressed from time to time, as I still try to stuff the feelings I was brought up to think are undesirable, but as soon as I let them out, the depression instantly goes away. It is not easy, and for me it lasted a year or so before I got close enough to the therapist to allow some of the 'ugly' feelings to surface. But then it got easier and I am so thankful that my life has some meaning again and that I don't need any pills to function normally, I hated that. I firmly believe that depression is actually good, because it signals that something is off in your life, that you are unhappy about something, even though you 'think' you should be happy. I quit my job which was supposedly the pinnacle of my career and now earn a lot less but am a lot happier. So I guess material stuff doesn't always equal happiness. Best wishes for your recovery, however which way you find it :) And BTW, I am a huge fan of your books :)

Posted by natale on 08/09/2010

Glad you're starting to feel better Marian.Just started reading your novels this summer and so far have enjoyed Sushi and Anyone Out There. Depression is very tough and unfortunately there is no recipe for success when it comes to treating it. I work in the mental health area and know that 'being there and 'sitting in the dark with you', containing the feelings 'in the room' patience and empathy seem to work well for people. It sounds like you've found a good psychotherapist who can 'sit in the dark with you'. Good luck with the work,
Bermo

Posted by bermo on 29/08/2010

Hi my dear Marian,
I'm a French girl and I bought This charming man last October, while I was looking for some books at the FNAC in Paris to improve my English. I didn't know anything about you when I did, but then I read it, loved it, and I'm very happy (and proud !) to say that 2 weeks ago I've just finished your last book. Saying last, I mean that I've bought and read all of them, even the littlest one ( no dress rehearsal, very hard to find but I managed ! ), and even Under the duvet and further under the duvet (then I also started to read Cracks in my foundation, but I found out it was the same !). So, as you can see, it took me about 10 months, but I've read them all. And loved them all. And I think I improved a bit my English (and learnt some delicious Irish words ) in a very pleasant way! Now I can't wait for going in Ireland (I've written down that great SPA adress, and I want to see Dublin (and few things between them). Also, I'm dreaming to write a book like you, it's been a dream since a long time already, but you made it more real, and I'm very grateful about that! Now I just have to start !
I hope your depression is decreasing now, and that you will be able to be happy again soon. I won't demand for a new book (even if I actually have finished all of them, remember? And even if I'm also developing a MKWS (Marian Keyes Withdrawal Syndrom)...
But of course, if you feel like to, then I'll be very happy (and not only me, I guess !!).
But take care of yourself, and forgive that fecking old brat of me who stole your time, if you read me till here !!!
Bisous xxx

Posted by Joelle on 28/08/2010

Marian - I'm so glad you are getting a little better and I hope you return to your glorious former self before too long. I've read all your books and related to all of them, but I never thought how you would know about everything you write about... I just assumed you, like, emailed depressed people and made them tell you everything there was to know. I'm not the sharpest tool. But anyway, I've been thinking - you could try voluntary work for a couple of hours a day or a week - just mundane things, like photocopying or shredding for a charity. Folding letters into envelopes. You get to hear the gossip in the office and you feel useful but not pressured and work with understanding people who usually are good at making cups of tea.

If not that - why not make a website about make-up! Just for pleasure. You'd have to try all the make-up products out before you wrote about them, obviously... = shopping spree :D But you wouldn't have to actually publish the website. It just might get you back into the frame of writing without you having to work to a deadline?

Also, isn't one of your books being turned into a film next year? How exciting!

Have you also pledged against the stigma of mental health? It's run by Time to Change, supported by Mind...

Anyway, take care of yourself, don't rush yourself, if you ever end up making too many cakes, send them to me...

Posted by BeckyM on 27/08/2010

Marian I think you're amazing. In the words of a quote you posted in January: "This too shall pass". It's been a source of comfort for me when I've had my own dark periods.

You are a fabulous woman and have brought relief and enjoyment to me through your books (and no doubt for may others).

Stay strong.

Emma xx

Posted by emmagination on 27/08/2010

I've just found this site and your newsletter and hope you're still moving away from the edge of the bottomless pit. So much of what has been said on this page resonates; it's like going through a checklist, ticking the 'yes' box as I go. My suggestion of the day is 'audiobooks'. I recently found out on that a lot of your books can be listened to as well as read. As I can't concentrate on reading books (see above checklist!), I've been getting the audio kind to reread (read again by means of listening...). Thank you for writing them in the first place and to the narrators who read them beautifully.

I wish you contentment and equilibrium. Now, where did I leave my bag of fairy dust...?

Posted by MayaBee on 26/08/2010

Hello Marian, I think you are so sweet to share your condition with others. I am one of your readers that actually think you have been peeping inside my brain and snatched parts of my life and presented them into amazing books!!! I also know that flattering and good advises are as helpful as peptalk is for anaemia. You'll find a way that works for you. I did!
All the best to you!!! Isse

Posted by e124136 on 24/08/2010

Dear Marian, Have just logged on to your site for the first time and am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope that you are getting to a brighter place now. YOur books are fantastic - I've read the lot and you are one of only a few authors I'll spend my pennies to buy in hardback!! I keep looking to see if you are lurking, convincing yourself that people are buying your books but alas I've never spotted you :) As has been said elsewhere on this thread if love was a cure you'd be made well from the contacts here. Your honest writing in Under the Duvet and futher under really helped me to accept that I could not drink anymore and i'm now four months clean. You were right, the sun does shine eventually, you do fall back in love with people after time...as you know each day is a struggle but i'm holding on. Please do the samexx
I'm off to get the baking tins out. Inspired by Ms. Keyes yet again!! Lots of love and thoughts.Ann Marie

Posted by Ann Marie on 23/08/2010

Hi Marian,

How are you ? I do hope you are getting better.

That was very bad news to hear about your problems in the spring, I wanted to write to you since I heared about this but I couldn't find time until now.

Well Marian, first of all I wanted to give you a very simple but effective advice to fight depression, enjoy the SUN ! I remember in one of your columns you were wondering why Ireland was suffering from such a hight rate of depressions and suicides ? The answer is simple, there is not enough of sun !

So Marian, I recommend you one very simple thing, at the end of September when the fall will come in Ireland with its clouds, rain showerss and long nights, just do like those migrating birds... Move to the south !! Where the sun is still there... I suggest the south of France, Barcelona, Tuscany, all are fantastic places...

Then return in Ireland for Xmas with the family, and at the end of January, return to the sun until April !! Beleave me this is very effective !

Apart from this modest advice (that I haven't seen already in the comment thread) this is also for me an opportunity to tell you how much I LOVE your books, your characters, your stories !! Some of them are very good... and some of them are just master pieces !! I have all of them and love all of them !

You might be surprised to read this coming from a french guy in the mid of the 40's, married with three teenagers, but the thing is that I'am very romantic.

I though to it, and I think what I love most in your books, apart from the fun, the characters, their adventures, the great story telling, the 'sexy' moments, the 'irish' touch and etc... is that at the end they are so full of LOVE and may be most important so full of HOPE... As many others said already, when I feel a little bit depressed reading one of your book is a cure, that I savor not reading to fast and making the book last a week or two.

Well Marian, I was also wondering about the root cause of your depression ? I think may be one reason is that you put to much pressure on you to write new books, trying to make them better than the previous ones, matching deadlines, facing critics and nasty comments possibly in some cases.. Well on this I want you to be very confortable, we all are fans, you gave us so much already, that you should not put pressure on you... We will always be there, and support you !!

So Marian, keep in mind that there is LOVE and there is HOPE, whatever happens in life, and all your fans are supporting you !

Love
Emmanuel

Posted by EmmanuelM on 20/08/2010

Hi marian
I whish you will get better soon !
Emmanuel

Posted by EmmanuelM on 20/08/2010

Hi Marian,

How are you ? I do hope you are getting better.

I just wanted to give you a very simple but effective advice to fight depression, enjoy the SUN !

I recommend you one very simple thing, at the end of September when the fall will come in Ireland with its clouds, rain showerss and long nights, just do like those migrating birds... Move to the south !! Where the sun is still there... I suggest the south of France, Barcelona, Tuscany, all are fantastic places...

Apart from this modest advice this is also for me an opportunity to tell you how much I LOVE your books, your characters, your stories !! Some of them are very good... and some of them are just master pieces !! I have all of them and love all of them !

So Marian, keep in mind that there is LOVE and there is HOPE, whatever happens in life, and all your fans are supporting you !

Love
Emmanuel

Posted by EmmanuelM on 20/08/2010

Hi Marian,

How are you ? I do hope you are getting better.

That was very bad news to hear about your problems in the spring, I wanted to write to you since I heared about this but I couldn't find time until now.

Well Marian, first of all I wanted to give you a very simple but effective advice to fight depression, enjoy the SUN ! I remember in one of your columns you were wondering why Ireland was suffering from such a hight rate of depressions and suicides ? The answer is simple, there is not enough of sun !

So Marian, I recommend you one very simple thing, at the end of September when the fall will come in Ireland with its clouds, rain showerss and long nights, just do like those migrating birds... Move to the south !! Where the sun is still there... I suggest the south of France, Barcelona, Tuscany, all are fantastic places...

Then return in Ireland for Xmas with the family, and at the end of January, return to the sun until April !! Beleave me this is very effective !

Apart from this modest advice (that I haven't seen already in the comment thread) this is also for me an opportunity to tell you how much I LOVE your books, your characters, your stories !! Some of them are very good... and some of them are just master pieces !! I have all of them and love all of them !

You might be surprised to read this coming from a french guy in the mid of the 40's, married with three teenagers, but the thing is that I'am very romantic.

I though to it, and I think what I love most in your books, apart from the fun, the characters, their adventures, the great story telling, the 'sexy' moments, the 'irish' touch and etc... is that at the end they are so full of LOVE and may be most important so full of HOPE... As many others said already, when I feel a little bit depressed reading one of your book is a cure, that I savor not reading to fast and making the book last a week or two.

Well Marian, I was also wondering about the root cause of your depression ? I think may be one reason is that you put to much pressure on you to write new books, trying to make them better than the previous ones, matching deadlines, facing critics and nasty comments possibly in some cases.. Well on this I want you to be very confortable, we all are fans, you gave us so much already, that you should not put pressure on you... We will always be there, and support you !!

So Marian, keep in mind that there is LOVE and there is HOPE, whatever happens in life, and all your fans are supporting you !

Love
Emmanuel

Posted by EmmanuelM on 20/08/2010

I lost my great love to depression. And nothing I could do would help. Marian thanks for being there for me at the time, for helping me pull through with laughter and tears. Please take care of yourself. Take your time, time comes droppin' slow.

Posted by Emer on 19/08/2010

So good to think you are feeling better. Have been though similiar experiences and your books have helped me so much. I can always manage to laugh when reading them. Personally, I did find thinking about mindfulness helpful, just got some distance from things. Hope to hear from you soon as you are mised. Kind wishes

Posted by shifty on 17/08/2010

Hi Marian, I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. It sounds terrible. I've just finished " The Brightest Star In The Sky ".....my god Marian, you sure can write! I was blown away with it. I've also read " Anybody Out There " and I thought it would be impossible to beat it's high standards. But, you did it. " The Brightest Star In The Sky " is officially my favourite book. I'm thinking about getting every single one of your books...I'd probably become a recluse reading them all. Take care and I really hope you get better soon.

Brogan x

Posted by Brogan on 16/08/2010

Hi Marian...a privilege to talk to you....I have been touched by your books for years and even read Under the Duvet and found it wildly diverting. I have recently been going through bad times myself and have woken up in panic, lost weight etc...It's good to know we're not alone in this.... I think back to when I was in my 20's and I was fearless....Not so now....The other night I took The Brightest Star in the Sky out of my bookcase for another read....Spent yesterday lying in the sun and escaping to wherever it is your books take me....Mammy Walsh is a big favourite with me, by the way....I also love the total lack of pretentiousness in your books - I am Australian but have Irish heritage (my grandmother was a Kinsella) and some of the sayings you come out with take me back to my mum, who now has Alzheimers and is for all intents and purposes lost to me....Thank you for all your books .... As I said, they really do take me to a happy place and make me laugh out loud! Just one more thing - the way you wrote about Lydia's mother's dementia - Just amazing how close to reality it all was about actually getting a diagnosis and all the denial that goes on.....

Posted by Zacheus on 16/08/2010

Dearest Marian,

I've been going through a somewhat similar episode, getting through each hour, looking forward to the time when I can crawl into bed and escape with your latest book. It's the highlight of my day.

I hope you emerge quickly from this dark tunnel, and shake off the tentacles of this insidious monster.

Until then, please know there are people who wish you only the best, and who are grateful you've shared a part of your lovely self with them.

Posted by olirom on 14/08/2010

Hi Marian, i hope you are feeling better. In my very creative mind you are the picture of health and spending your summer holidays in a nice spa, having massarges and facials and other equally lovely things done to you! i just wanted to tell you that you have inspired me so much with your amaizing books that i am attempting to write a novel myself. It's rubbish, i have nothing even remotely close to your talent, but it's fun to do and when i've had an awful day, and would quite like to crawl in to my bed and never surface again,i don't swallow those highly tempting tablets. i write in my book [ i can't afford a lap top just yet so i'm writing it old style at the moment! ] and i feel much better and perhaps i might last another day after all. thank you for everything you have done for me though you don't realise it you have done an awful lot for this random stranger. hope this makes you see what a fantastic role model you are and raises your spirits slightly. lots of love and gratitude jodie xxx

Posted by jodie on 13/08/2010

Hello Marian..what an emotional read. Forgive me for being so 'assuming' but i never thought blogging about depression could be so emotive and tap into my senses as that did. Your baking looks amazing. Your books are amazing. I never thought i would read a 'marian keyes' (the genre is not normally my favourite) but a uni pal had 'the other side of the story' so while she curled my hair i picked it up for a quick glance. It stayed in my room for a year, i then picked it up again and commenced from where i left off (chapter 2). Then naturally had to go to Waterstones and buy all of your books at once!
Anyway, thoughts are with you. Much love xx

Posted by Shanie_uk on 11/08/2010

God bless you and keep you dearheart. I suffer from depression to, it's a horrible disease, although mine is kept under control by medication. I have loved your books since I was 15 (now 29) and have introduced them to so many of my friends who love them too! Remember that no matter how much you think the world would be better off without you himself and your family would be devestated without you. And I do the baking thing too! Though mine don't look as nice... I love peanut paste chocchip biccies. I'm thinking and praying for you (don't care if you're collapsed) and sending you so much love. Can't wait to read some more from you when you're feeling stronger.

Posted by JosieY on 11/08/2010

People say Life is for Living and we should try to make the best of every day but when you are depressed these type of thoughts don't mean anything. The way through is the way you will find it through your self. Wishing you all the best of luck, you are on the road to recovery and writting ...... you wrote your newsletter. Small steps, step at a time, before you know it you will be at the top of the stairs! Good luck your books are brilliant we need more.

Posted by suejo on 10/08/2010

Hi Marian, hope you are feeling better. I've heard that growing plants can help also-especially low maintenance ones. they can be a lovely addition to ones home also.

Posted by savah on 09/08/2010

Delighted to hear you are starting to feel better! :)
Your writing is so honest, you are an inspiration to us all. Look after yourself x

Posted by Coral on 08/08/2010

Dear Marian, I am one of those people you refer to in your newsletter, somebody about to lose everything I ever worked for because of the current financial and economic climate. However, I am also the sister of a man who has suffered with terrible mental illness for over 25 years and a few weeks ago I was standing over his bed in the hospital intensive care unit after he had attempted suicide and so I know that his and your pain are a world away from my own troubled times. The doctors saved my brother's life and he has another chance to keep on fighting his life long battle. I wish you both strength and hope and happier days. God bless. Susie

Posted by susieR on 04/08/2010

I am a huge fan of your books and also suffer from depression. I just wanted to let you know how amazing I think it is that you speak so freely about your depression. So many of us do struggle with it and yet it's still so socially unacceptable. Thank you for being honest, upfront, and so very brave. It inspires us to be brave,too.

Posted by Kimily on 01/08/2010

Marvelous Marian! Like the 1st person on this comment string, I Googled your name just now to see if you might be coming to Toronto or Montreal on speaking tour any time soon. I've just read this blog entry and am very moved by it. You are so honest and have so much to teach the world! I am going to send this blog entry and a link to your site to all my friends who have been reading your books along with me and also to my friends and family who suffer from Depression. I'm at a loss as to what to say and "get well soon" doesn't seem like enough somehow... Maybe I can boost you up a bit with a little "fan mail" comment (which is probably identical to a billion others you've read over the years, but, well, I guess I'm not terribly original and that's why I'm not a fantastic writer like you!). Here goes :

I'm in my mid-(ack!)30s and discovered your books about 2 years ago. Since then, I've have been reading them the way one eats a really amazing box of chocolates: wanting to eat it all up at once and also trying to slow down a bit to make the yumminess last as long as possible! I only have 2.5 books left until I'll be sitting around wondering what to read next! Thanks SO MUCH for your work! Your books are such HUGE contributions to the world on so many levels and, well, in case love could cure you, here's a whole pile more from me to you!

Love,

Simone :0)

Posted by Dida Simone on 30/07/2010

Dear Marian!

Just some words to add myself to the VERY long list of supporters and fans. Although I only know too well what optimistic remarks and well-meaning pats on the back can feel like when you’re truly depressed (that is: water on goose), I also know that once you start to see a small flicker of light in the distance, this supporting behaviour (such as this huge amount of letters from your fans) starts to seep in. Then it’s vital to open your mind fully to it and NEVER, EVER second guess what these people tell you. Of course, it’s not possible for you, in your hectic and busy life, to read through all your fan mail every day. But, I would suggest that you (if you’re on the mend, but still feeling a bit fragile) at least scroll through it every day to just get the impression of this massive bunch of supporting and caring words. They have been written from all over the world, just because people truly care about you and because they understand.

Many of us have even been in a very similar stat of mind; one day wanting to top yourself or crying your heart out because you’ve seen this element in the News about some poor 93-year-old man crying out of loneliness, because some stupid government doesn’t “want to” afford to let him stay with his wife for 70 years in a nursing home and he is so, so, so lonely, and you feel that what the fe.. are you whining about when somebody else is in a worse state? The next day, you start crying because you love your family so, so much and why are you worrying them by being depressed? Why can’t you just stop? And that again, only enhance your feeling of contempt and self loathing, because you’re not able to do anything about it. Downward the spiral goes. Being a worried, perfectionist and sensitive Virgo (Yes! Born on the 2nd of September!) can be quite a challenge for one’s mental health, but it’s worth putting on a different pair of glasses ever so often and see these “challenges” in a new light.

When you have such a wide spectrum of feelings, it also allows you to feel positive emotions in a stronger manner than people who experience life and feelings in a more distanced and even way. They will never be able to truly understand excitement over true love, the overwhelming happiness and tenderness you feel when you look at your own child or a child in your near family (I don’t have any kids myself (yet), but absolutely adore my twin nephews of 7. Would do anything for them.), and they will never quite get the same buzz when leaving for a brand new holiday destination. Of course, they will never get into a state of complete and mind numbing depression either, but I still think WE got the longer straw. At least I can say that now when I find myself in a relatively even and rational state of mind. Talk to me tomorrow, and maybe you’ll find me in my familiar, dark hole where no light gets in;-) No, you won’t actually. Not anymore. Had it been two years ago when I still worked as a bloody dentist (No offense to other dentists, but thank God! that I don’t do that anymore!), and I still hadn’t found the “Man of my dreams”, it could well have been like that, though.

I wouldn’t dream of saying that I know exactly what you’re going (or, hopefully, have gone) through, but I believe I can relate to a lot. Having suffered from depression on and off since I was around 10, having seen several therapists and also having taken antidepressants for several years (done with those now.), I think I can at least join the chorus of understanding fans. The “man of my dream”who have a fantastic gift of putting things into perspective, always stresses the importance of accepting myself the way I am, with “faults” and everything, and I now believe that it’s the best way to come to piece with myself. Maybe something to think about? Of course, it’s easier said than done, but our own, depressive, selfdestructive recipe for life hasn’t really paid off, has it? Perhaps it’s time to try something new? It’s because of your hard earned emotional experiences and sensitive personality as well as your fantastic talent with words and humour, that you’re able to write all these lifechanging books, not despite of it.

Thank you, Marian, for all your wonderful books, for sharing these troubled times with all of us and for just being you. You’re perfect the way you are.

Lots of love,
Christine (Norway)

Posted by chri-en on 29/07/2010

I feel like a goldfish, staring at the computer screen with my mouth gobbing open and shut periodically. I had just finished re-reading every book I owned, watching re-runs of every tv show I ever loved, and watching any useless thing I could on youtube in order to get my mind off the crushing black panic, the poisonous cloud creeping outwards in my psyche, and thought, "God, if only Marian Keyes had another book coming out - I could laugh myself sick and feel better."

The strange thing is, despite the fact that there's no book, I do feel a little better. I always felt if I could approach life with a tenth of the humour in your books, I would do better. When I read this - "so many of us are hanging on, almost overwhelmed with desperation and feeling like it’s our fault, that what’s wrong with us is just self-pity or negative thinking or innate defectiveness when in fact it’s a terrible illness" - it suddenly felt a little less isolated out here on this limb (clinging desperately to sanity, lol).

Thank you for taking the time to share, for having the courage, and for being empathetic at such a time. I hope that, at least sometimes, you feel like you are not alone in this, too.

Posted by jcrombie on 27/07/2010

Hey Marian

Mahoosive congratulations on getting through such a horrendous time. I too have been through a hideous experience like you and thought that it would never end.

Like many others here I have thought of you many times and have checked back on your website every so often to see if there was a new post saying you were on the mend - and now you are - yay!!

I have loved every single one of your books and eagerly await the many more that you undoubtably write in the future when you feel up to it.

Big love and hugs to you.

Ceri
xxxx

Posted by Ceri123 on 24/07/2010

Hi Marian,
I have just picked up 'Watermelon' to read for about the tenth time and thought I would find your website and see if you had any other books lined up. I am really sorry to read that you have been feeling poorly.

I think it takes real bravery and courage for you to write what you have been going through on your website. I know people must be reading the newsletter and wondering how someone who seems to have the most amazing sense of humour could possibly feel depressed. I have a friend who is one of the funniest, most put together people I know and she suffered with depression and really severe paranoia for about a year. It can happen to anyone. She got better and is now back to being her usual wonderful self which shows that it can be beaten.
I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and I know how scary those are so I can't even imagine how you must have felt every day, it must be very difficult.

You are an amzing writer, my favourite by far. I always pick up one of your books when Im feeling down and although I have read all of them several times they still make me laugh and you are the author I reccommend to all my friends!

Have you tried a holiday somewhere hot? Worked a treat for me a few weeks ago ;)

Take care
Leigh x

Posted by Leigh on 22/07/2010

ah, I was about to forget... the cakes are splendid!!! :) clelia

Posted by Venturelli on 21/07/2010

Dear, dear Marian, I write form Italy, I live in Modena, that is near Maranello... have you ever thought of a pink Ferrari car??? :) I once saw a truck LOADED with PINK FIAT 500s and I cried out: who's going to buy one, EVER??!?!!? see? sometimes you just have the answers to your strangest questions unexpectedly... So now I think of you, driving that car of yours around Dublin, and it makes me smiling. :) I had problems with my email and I saw your newsletter right now! You can't imagine how many times I thought about you, wondering how were you going, and praying you would be better... anyway, sometimes I feel my life is blessed, and I mustn't feel bad for anything, since many people don't have what I have... so I understand the way you feel, but please, please, try to accept what you have and what you are... you are not guilty of anything, of your feelings and your depression... and i also think you've always done very well, because you tried to cope with the shades in your life with your writing... uhm, this topic is getting way too difficult to be dealt with in english, so I'll stop! :) ...I don't understand what I'm writing myself... hope to hear from you soon, lots of love and kisses. You are a beautiful person, and not a superhero, so don'expect too much from yourself (if it was easy...) Love, love, love, Clelia

Posted by Venturelli on 21/07/2010

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. Don't push yourself too hard; I've suffered from depression myself and sometimes you just have to remind yourself how far you have come. I was thinking of you, like others. You are amazing.

Posted by Butterflywings on 21/07/2010

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. Don't push yourself too hard; I've suffered from depression myself and sometimes you just have to remind yourself how far you have come. I was thinking of you too. All the best.

Posted by Butterflywings on 21/07/2010

Marion, you have been such an inspiration to me over the years. I have read all of your books- shared them with my Mum, sisters and friends. My favorite saying is that "we would be best friends if you knew me". I cried my heart out when I read your lastest blog- and I really hope you get through this terrible time. I know there is no cure or quick fix for depression, and if love could fix it, well you would be healled 10 times over, as surely you know you are loved by so many. Thank you for giving some much of your self to so many people. Dont be too hard on your self - you are the most important person in your world! Take care and remeber to smile!

Posted by Tania on 21/07/2010

Hi Marian!
Lots of love and memories of Spain!
Your smile and be happy because we are here in this world to enjoy. And life has beautiful things.
A faithful follower of yours! Many kisses beautiful!
Tony "Himself" a greeting

Posted by Quarvaltell on 20/07/2010

Marian,
I am really glad to know that you are getting better. I read already 3 of your books, yes, soo less, but I can tell that I am completely in love :)
The way that you write...I simply jump inside your books and live the stories with the characters. Something funny was happening to me. I discovery that I get a little desperate when I am finishing one of your books and I have not a next one to read. One day I was at the train station in Innsbruck where I work, waiting for a train and reading the last pages of Sushi for Beginners, when I got a little crazy and almosty missing my train I got inside a book store to look for a new book. Then I bought This Charming Man. By the way, I finished it right now, some hour ago, also inside a train, driving to my work.
I came from Brazil and I live in Germany with my husband. He is german and I left all behind in Brazil to live with him here. Not that I had I bad life in Brazil and used this man to change and get better opportunities as lots of girls does. Nothing against those girls, but I am just not like that. I love him and I just thought that everything could be fine when we have love. But at the end was not so easy. I have a good life with him, I have my career as scientist goin on here in Innsbruck - Autria (I live at the border between Germany and Austria) but I miss my family in Brazil a lot. I miss my friends there. Such interesting people that I left behind. such interesting people that I find in your books. Like Lola from This Charming Man. Crazy, stilist...I loved her style. When you describe your depression at this las newsletter from May, I recognize me a little. I have no depression, but I know that I am a good candidate for. I try lots of things like pilates, sports and positive thoughts but I know that sometimes is difficult. But not impossible. This life is really wonderful and we should really not think to give up. Never!!!
We all readers love you Marian, and we need to have your delightfull books in our lifes. Please, it is not a pushing, I know that everyone needs time for everything!!!
I just wnat to tell that you are great and such important writer. Keep going. I loved your cakes. Its a pit that I am not your neighbour to ask for a peace :-P , they look really good!!!
So, let me go back to my work now. I must to take a deep breath, forget all pain and talk about bacteria and orthopedie (that what I am working with)!!!
Have a wonderful time and tahnks a lot for the pleasant time with your books.
All the best
Débora
P.S.: My next Marian Keyes adventure will be Watermelon. I am already thirsty for it!!!!!

Posted by deborahuber on 20/07/2010

Marian, I feel so horrible just having read your January piece and not writing sooner...Also, I just read your May piece and I cant tell you how nice it is to hear you smiling in your writing (or atleast trying to through it all). It's nice to hear your feeling somewhat better and I gotta tell you it trully brought tears lots of them to see those beautiful pictures that hubby took of your baking, that was really very sweet...he loves you so much...I cant bake worth poop! everything ends up floppy and just not very attractive ha! Anyway, the picture of you holding the baby made me cry and the pictures of you and friends enjoying a good walk- what beautiful life photo's, really memorable.
I just really wanted to share with you how gorgeous your books are and how I have them all and how they take me places when I read them, you have a wonderful gift and are here for a reason, more that one I'm sure, not only have you helped millions with your books but sharing and being open about your depression...it all leave's a mark on people, your a good egg..=) Please dont ever forget it..in the darkest days always remember that.
You only have to read your column to see that even when you are struggling your still too kind to only focus on your self and being able to purge your thoughts and feelings -you mention that you know people are going through this and that and you should be so lucky...you dont have to write any of that Marian...it is what it is...your a very sensitive, gentle, kind and considerate person...I wish I could help, I really do. Do what you need to, for how ever long it takes...its no ones bussines but your own, no one you need to answear to...maybe its all part of the journey were meant to take.

Take the very best care of yourself, sending you my wishes, squeezes and kisses!
Inga-

Posted by Niunia on 19/07/2010

Hello Marian,

Was just thinking about you, wondering how you're feeling. I'm sending all my very best cozy, happy, snuggle thoughts your way.

xo
Emily

Posted by emily14 on 19/07/2010

Marian, I don't have any words of wisdom for you; but I can say that I know how you feel. It's hard to quantify it into words, but I know what you're going through. I've suffered from depression on and off throughout my adult life. I too go through periods where the thought of speaking to another is too much to take. I'm really glad that Himself has been so patient and supportive for you. He sounds like a really wonderful man. Please just know that you are an absolute gem of a person. I know that we don't know each other, but I've loved your humor and writings ever since I picked up my first Marian Keyes book (Rachel's Holiday) over ten years ago. Please stick around awhile. The world is a nicer place with you in it. You bring joy to a lot of people, and Himself and your family and friends need you.

Posted by stephanie on 19/07/2010

I strongly believe that what is happening right here is a major "response" to depression. Both Marian's writing and the many responses to her piece show that globally we are not prepared to continue to hide depression away, we are not prepared to accept valium and stay quiet. I have experienced depression since I was about 8 (I'm 43 now) and haver had some completely bleak black times, and some blissful sunny ones, but mostly I soldier through a degree of brownness. I have 3 darling children, who bring much pleasure, but also episodes of postnatal depression on top of my usual levels. There are days when I feel less good as a mother when I just can't be available for them in any way. Thier Dadda too, suffers a deep depression - post traumatic stress, since my middle son was 6 months - he's now 6 years. Yet, we muddle along as a family. The kids know they are loved. They know that both their Mumma and Dadda are unwell. And they know when either (or both) parents are in despair, that they can come for a cuddle with a favorite story read to them. Sometimes it is the tiny things. Sometimes all I can do is sew name tags on their clothes, sometimes all I can make is spag bol, but they know they are loved. I know I am loved, and we all know that being open and honest about our illness is the best thing we can can do. And I applaud Marian for writing about her depression and also for writing fiction in which depressed people can and do experience joy. Bright blessings all!

Posted by mammaroberts on 18/07/2010

so glad to hear from you again, darling girl...you're in our prayers and thoughts as we re-read your books

Posted by caffeine-katie on 16/07/2010

Hi,
Just wanted to say thank-you. I've just finished reading 'Brightest Star' following the birth of my son and you made me cry! I've been struggling to bond with him, but after reading it I had to go and give him a cuddle - I now feel much closer to him. Good luck with your battle, you mean so much to so many. I also like the look of your cakes! Rachel xx

Posted by Redstararnie on 14/07/2010

Hi Marian, I'm so glad you are starting to feel better. I think about you a lot and wonder how you are going, I have read and reread your books so many times and was googling you when I found this and saw you had depression, I was suprised as your books are totally hilarious and uplifting (even when the topic is sad).

I'm glad your winter is over and hopefully the sunshine is making you feel a little better, winter is never good when you are down.

Remain strong and as everything does this will pass.

By the way the cakes look great!

Posted by Lauren on 14/07/2010

Oh your newsletter makes me think you are back! When I am in this type of thing I wonder how it could ever be different, and then slowly I come creeping back into life and I am mystified as to how it could have been so bad. And I think mine is just nothing compared to your heartache. I hope, given you wrote your update a month or so ago now, you've creeped right back in to life too. My thoughts and love are with you.

Mmm, I tried that mindfulness thing too. I'm not sure I quite got it...

Know that you are loved, I feel as if you've been in my life since I read Lucy Sullivan 13 years ago.

Angela

Posted by Ange on 14/07/2010

You seem such a lovely person, I used to watch you on Strictly it takes 2 with Cludia and loved your humour, so I started to read your books and love them,please get really well soon.

Posted by sheila.p on 13/07/2010

Hi Marian
I came to you not through your books, but through my own God awful depression, I was Googlin depression and your newsletter came up. I'm not going to go on about me I just wanted to let you know of a book I'm reading is called "Beyond Blue by Therese Borchard" she was suicidal for 2 solid years! there is humor in it alos, I highly recommend it....and also a saying I read the other day that say " when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" and "the only way out is through"
Thanks
Elliot

Posted by elliot on 13/07/2010

Hiya Marian..

Am so gald to see you're feeling better... It breaks my heart to hear of you like this, as your books have gotten me through some very tough times, and I just wish I could help you in some way!
Depression runs in my family.. and if there's one thing I have learned, is that you just have to keep telling yourself that this isnt your fault, its not who you are.. its an illness thats happening to you..and the fabulous, wonderful you is still there.. nothing could take that away from you, even though its hard to see that sometimes! Even your newsletter is proof that the Marian we all know and love is here, and your wonderful spirit shines through! This will not beat you!
You're an inspiration to millions.. never forget that you are loved and very soon you WILL be on the other side of this.

You're in my thoughts.. Lots of Love.. Karen
xxxxx

Posted by Kareng23 on 09/07/2010

Hi Marian. I am so sorry to hear that you've been having a bad time of it. I hope you are feeling better now that it is July & summer over there (in New Zealand we've just hit winter & I've just hit a slump). You are an amazing person, & I know your resilience will help you get through this. Your cakes look yummy! I bake a lot too, & it always helps me feel a bit better. I have always felt very drawn to you. My mother's name is Marian & our last name is Walsh - just like Anna et al.! I read Anybody Out There like it is a Bible. Your words have helped me process a million different emotions. I hope something out there gives you the strength your books have often given me!
Best wishes x

Posted by Heathersaurus on 07/07/2010

Look after yourself and know that there is much love being sent your way.
You are helping many by sharing your experience of this black time.
I have a theory, only the sane suffer from depression, its the mad ones that skip through modern life unaffected by it.

Posted by Cee on 07/07/2010

Very, very glad to see you 'back'. I've a friend who's going along a very similar path to you and some of the things I've tried to do to help her are on your list! So I hope that's what I have been, a helper. I'm a bit uneducated in the mental health field, so I just try to do what my friend needs, as and when she needs it. THANK YOU for being brave enough to share. And those cakes....My daughter has just seen the Chocolate love hearts and has demanded the very same for her 6th birthday! I live in hope of having the talent to make them! God Bless.

Posted by FionaAUS on 07/07/2010

Hi Marian
I love reading your books. They always bring a smile to my face. I hope a smile returns to your face soon. And that you can again write another master piece!!
Lots of Love
Nicole

Posted by Nicole_marie on 05/07/2010

Good look Marian on your road to recovery! I've been there (and sort of still am) myself and I know how dark life can seem. But just remember how much you are loved by countless people! You can persevere, just work towards each new day.

Posted by Buttersbee on 03/07/2010

Dear Marian, U have in a way benn my brightest star in the sky, when i feelt very blue and disliked my own world so mutch, i picked up 1 off your books and went in a good place for a few hours. Andu made me laugh and smile! Be strong and keep shining coz u r a star!!!

Posted by mimmi on 29/06/2010

Dear Marian, so pleased to hear things might be looking up for you at last, and can i just say your cakes look lovely! As a devoted fan of every single one of your books I have just finished reading this charming man for the second time and was laughing out loud from the very first page. Lola has got to be your funniest character of all time, will you perhaps consider writing a book solely on her?! I guarantee it would be a big hit. I wish you and himself all the best, and hope to hear from you soon!

Posted by hattie12 on 25/06/2010

Hi Marian,
I am so glad to hear from you again. Sorry you are feeling crappy. Depression sucks! I have struggled on and off with depression of the sort you describe for YEARS. I would always curse the fact that I didn't have the sleepy depression where you were compelled to stay in bed and sleep all the time. Instead, I had terrible insomnia, racing thoughts, anxiety, shaking-- the works! Uggghhh!
I've been on Zoloft (sertraline) for the past couple of years and this has worked very well for me. I hate to tell you this, because I think you feel the same way that I do about exercise, but it really, really works. I hate to exercise, but taking my daily walks with my dog has really made a difference in my mental health. Not sure if you attend meetings, but I've also found these to be a good source of positive energy and support. Be well and know that there are many of us (from all over the world!) cheering you on. Your writings have touched me deeply. I was just reading "The Pissed..." from Under the Duvet the other day, and it really helped me pull through a rough patch. I hope my few words here can provide you with the same sense of hope that you've given me for so many years!
*hugs* - Robin

Posted by rlindemann on 24/06/2010

Hello Marian,
When I get depressed and the cloud refuses to yield I read your books because I know no matter what it will bring a smile to my face. your books are the one solace I have as the understanding I seek for my state of feelings is right there and now I know why.
I am sure you must have been bombarded with well intentioned and well meant suggestions on how to cope with your dark feelings. I could, as a Psychologist offer you hundreds of ways but you already know them. All I know is that the feeling just doesn't go away because you want it to. Although compelled by habit, one suggestion, I dont see why you have to feel guilty about your depression. You have as much right to it as anybody else; despite or rather inspite of your success, friends, etc.
I hope and pray you feel better soon and well enough to write.

Posted by Kritika on 24/06/2010

Take care Marian.

Posted by Msjoey on 23/06/2010

Hi Marian,
I adore your writing and reading your books always brings a smile to my face. I have many happy hours reading, often distracting me when I am having a down day. I hope that soon the smile returns to your face, as you have bought a smile to so many others.
Love Nicole

Posted by Nicole_marie on 23/06/2010

so nice to hear your voice again.
I hope you continue to be gentle with yourself and take baby steps and take all the time you need to recover.
I'm into mini cupcakes right now - since my sister bought my daughter a little display stand - makes them look so fantastic - like afternoon tea at grans.
Much love
Carolx

Posted by carolm on 23/06/2010

OMG thank you for sharing! You're a tortured genius! Thank you for the writing! And let me say thank you again for sharing. As a high profile person you can help so many. Kia kaha sister, be strong.

Posted by katiedep on 23/06/2010

Olá, Marian!
I'm from Brazil, and I just wanted to let you know not that you are a great writer (you already know that) but that you helped me so much with Rachel Holidays. I've been depressed because of an abusive relationship and now I'm "clean"! :)
I wish I could retribute 1% back.
Anyways, don't think you have to be ok. You don't "have to" anything! Just feel free to be yourself, to be Marian, in order to find out whats really going on inside yourself. You are a great human being just for being so sensitive and open.
Anyways, i'll ask you to check your thyreoyd. It was the one thing that got me off the antidepressants.
Part of my depression was organic, the thyreoyd, but the other part: the unknow, black part is still a mistery that I've learned to live with.
Plus, you have a PINK CAR! haha! Thats my dream! I'm a sucker for pink. haha
Marian, you are loved. Not only by your friends, but even in Brazil!!!
I apologize for my English and hope you got it from my heart!
Beijos!!! Stay well! Fique com Deus!

Mari

Posted by marianellaparis on 22/06/2010

Hi Marian, I was reading through your newsletter today and from your description of your syptoms I was wondering if you ever got your thyroid gland checked out? Could be an underlying problem with that on top of your depression. Of course your doctor will know better.....maybe I am completely wrong, but I thought it is worth mentioning.

All the best and some sun always helps, too.

Posted by Connie on 21/06/2010

Running or jogging after the first twenty minutes releases those "happy hormones" into the bloodstream & makes the brain feel happier right then & there...have been dabbling with this myself lately & it does work...I now a woman who runs 6km every other day & she reckons it is the only way to stay sane...try run a bit walk abit til you can keep going steady at the running....I love that you're hanging in there by your toenails...you are such an inspiration for all who suffer the horrors. Love from Canada ;-)

Posted by Mary Bernadette Southall Fitzgerald on 19/06/2010


Dear Marian,
I just wanted to write and say that after reading your update from May, I know how you feel. I always roar laughing whenever people usually say that, but in this instant it's true.

I was signed off work for four months with "severe depression." That was the medical term, and while I agreed that I was feeling so miserable, it didn't really seem to sum up what was wrong with me.
See, I was constantly anxious, crying over the slightest things and unable to sit still, always feeling like I should be doing something and then feeling outrageously guilty that all I'd achieved in four hours was putting on the kettle.
I was terrified of being alone, terrified of being stuck with the horrific things in my head, but whenever I had company I couldn't think of anything to say. In fact, sometimes, it was only hours after they'd left that I registered they'd been there at all.

So many people seemed to think, to be depressed, I had to be flat on my back with a pillow over my face, but whilst I certainly felt like giving up, like everyday was a battle that I didn't even care about winning, the worst part for me was the constant need to keep busy.
Usually, reading and writing took up huge parts of my time, but all I could manage to do was watch TV. I watched an entire series of Scrubs and I still couldn't tell you what happened in any of the episodes I sat through.
I know what it's like to count the minutes, desperate for the time when it was acceptable to go to sleep. Even before I closed my eyes I was dreading the morning, knowing I'd have to get up and live my life, feeling guilty that I didn't want to, terrified because I had to.
So, basically, reading what you wrote really hit home for me.
I'm only twenty, which was another reason people scoffed at my depression, but it is a hideous illness that, once it grabs you, is near impossible to shake off.
I heard so many people talking about me like I wasn't there, wondering why I'd any right to be depressed at such a young age, but I know now that people who haven't suffered from depression will never understand it.
I could say a thousand more things about how I felt, but the biggest lesson I've learned is never to dwell on it, and to think only about each day as you live it.
That it what I'm trying hard to do.

I think you're an inspiration. The first book of yours I ever read was Sushi for Beginners.
I've always loved books, more than films (but only slightly) and even more than biscuits.
I fell in love with it, and - after bashing my way into Waterstones and demanding to see their stock list - I have never looked back.
You are the reason that I am a writer, and I'm sure the inspiration behind a million and one others in the world.

I'm sure you must get letters like this every day, and I hope that you do. I hope you know how many people love you, and are wishing you well.
Rachel.

Posted by RaeFaerie on 19/06/2010

Dear Marian
I have a 3 legged cat in the kitchen who just peed on my table, my dog has caused me £££ at the vets,i just wrote a chq to the tax man and i have nothing in the bank BUT I know today will pass and soon it will become tomorrow, am glad you r coming around.....your cakes look smashing....I'd love one now with a cup of tea......let me go make one. keep safe
Peace & Hope

Posted by keire on 18/06/2010

Hi Marian,

I just wanted to say how brave I think you are. You have obviously been in absolute hell, yet you have not stopped trying new things in an effort to improve your state of mind. I have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for the past 6 years and I know how hard it can be to get motivated just to get out of bed, let alone the variety of things you have been doing. And they all sound like such positive, pure and happy things that I want to do them even when I'm not depressed. Baking cakes, driving pink cars and playing with babies sounds like what every day should be like if you can do it (Im definately gonna try the baking thing! But dont know any babies or pink cars to hang out with unfortunately!). My flatmate told me once when I was going through a serious wave of anxiety and didnt feel that I could do my job or anything at all, she told me that you have to try to 'fake it until you make it'. That actually helped me a lot, so when I felt that I wasnt really present in my body I managed to put on a smile and hold out an exterior that got me through and allowed my mind wander as and when it needed to until I got back on track.

I love you and your books so much. I have read them all and continuously re-read them because they make me feel safe and happy - like an old friend. Please hysng in there and please dont leave us bc you are so so so special and even when it doesnt feel like it, never forget that there are so many people that love you and have been touched by your writing. Also, there are so many people that understand what you are going through, so you are never alone.

Hang in there and be nice to yourself for all of us.
Lots of Love,
Anna. xxxooo

SP. My Mum and 2 sisters all adore your books, and we often identify with the Walsh family. We are all dying to know if you are planning to do a story told by 'Helen' (obviously when you are feeling better), is this in the pipeline? She is absolutely hilarious! xx

Posted by AB on 18/06/2010

I am sooo pleased you are starting to come out of this fug! I dicovered you when i was 8mths pregnant in 1998 when i devoured Watermelon and i am now the proud owner of your back catalogue, You have been in my thoughts and i am very happy for you that some sense of normality is coming back to you

Posted by Rio on 15/06/2010

Welcome back, Marian!
Besos,
Catalina

Posted by Catalina on 15/06/2010

Your a star x x x

Posted by hurnah1 on 14/06/2010

Ahhh Haaaaa - the cake rescue method. It works wonders for the head, tastes delicious; and if you make carrot you can convince yourself you are finally getting something good inside you as part of your five a day as well.
In seriousness though - writing this probably took it out of you; but look how much you wrote! You have come a long long way since January, it may not feel like it, but you have. Just do baby steps, and cut yourself a great deal of slack. Hang in there - and no matter what - you have this team of t'internet weirdos who are all rooting you on. (that's us by the way).
From all of these messages you can see love, empathy and just all of everyone's best wishes for you and himself.
So sit down in front of Come Dine With Me...have some cake and a cuppa and we will all be here when you are ready.
much love to you both
Mel xxxx

Posted by MrsElsieE on 14/06/2010

Hi Marian, I wanted to write a wee note to say hello.

I devour your books when they come out because no other author that I have ever read is able to capture people in the same way that you do.

Your writing makes me wet myself laughing one minute, then I'm balling crying the next. It is incredibly perceptive and you keep me on the absolute edge of my seat.

Besides writing female characters that are totlly 3 dimensional and recognizable, your male characters are second to none. I've never read a book where I've had an actual crush on a fictional character but when I read Rachel's Holiday I fell head over heels in lust/love with Luke and for him I would like to buy you several pints! I now have a thing for men in leather trousers; I never thought I'd see the day where I was attracted to a 'real man'!

I am half way through The Brightest Star in The Sky and am utterly hooked, not to mention intrigued! I could go on for hours about any one of your books. I wish I could have wrote my dissertation on one them - I'd have cleaned up!

I wanted to let you know how truly sorry I am to hear how awful you are feeling. If anyone does say 'what does she know about depression', it is testament to their sheer ignorance.

I think that you are fantastic and an absolute inspiration. The way that you have described how you are feeling in his blog will help people in similar cicumstances feel that they are not alone. I have had similar problems so I want to say thank you for being so open about it.

As you mentioned in your January blog, people can be really dismissive about depression so having someone describe it in such a candid, intellegent, astute, funny way really gives hope to people in a similar boat.

I really hope that you feel better soon. You have given me so much joy and sore bellies from laughing so hard. Also, your books have given me a huge lift when I've been in the horrors.

If anyone deserves happiness Marian, it's you. There's a hell of a lot of people who think the absolute world of you (and that's just us fans who don't even know you like your friends and family).

Emily x x x
PS - as well as episodes of Come Dine With Me - have a watch of the film Amelie for a wee lift - it's just fantastic!

Posted by hurnah1 on 14/06/2010

Hi, Marian! Am so very glad you're back!

I know the impossible condition you were in as I have been there myself.

At one point in my early twenties - been a decade since then - that I was hit by insomnia. I didn't sleep for 14 days! But function well. Just not feeling great.

I discovered that what helped me beat depression every.time. is to go out and get in touch with people. STRANGERS with no strings attached. I suspect this works because my personality is a Sanguine (ref: Florence Litteur).

That, and charity - as in direct contact, hands on with charity (either it was help with the disable, reading to a child) - I found these things helped.

It has been almost a decade when I last had my bout of depression. It started when I was 12 thereabouts.

These days, if something upsets me threatening to hurl me to Depression Street, all I need to do is go out, talk to strangers. - not about my problems, just about anything under the sky. Small talk.

Like with a cashier at some pharmacy, the kid at the movie ticket counter, anyone with no strings attached. The nice lady at the toll gate - "Have you had lunch?" and I always end up with, "Have a great day today." everytime.

When my mind hears this as I say it, it becomes a strong suggestion and I find myself having a better day than the one I started out with.

I don't presume to understand what you go through or that the same thing will help. Or, much less that I'm an expert on the subject of depression, but mostly I am sharing something I went through personally.

Something so horrible that I honestly don't wish it even on my worse enemy.

Life is already hard at times. There's no need for bleakness to be there as well.

Well, I hope you're better and will stay better. So many people loves you.

PLUS, you know you create a phenomenon with your stories. Very real, very different, and most of all, the smartest chick lit I know.

Stieg Larsson didn't have the same luck. He didn't even know he could write crime thriller well.

But he did.

And before I steer even further,.. God Bless, Marian and may you be restored to your cheery, funny goodself for good!

Have a great day ahead!

Posted by RealitySlams on 14/06/2010

Dear Marian, I cannot express my gratitude strongly enough in relation to your courage and strength. I am a "normal" person but have also suffered two major depressive episodes. I have no magic answer or suggestions but as you are doing hang in there - there is an end to this and you will become yourself again. I have always admired your writing but this now does not compare to my admiration of your strength and courage. There are many out there behind you. Take care and love yourself, Christine xxxxx p.s. I also submerged myself in baking - there must be something medicinal in the process....

Posted by ChristineMc on 13/06/2010

Dear Marian,

I'm so glad you're on the mend.

I can't get on with modern fiction so don't know your books, but I love your columns and articles and have so missed your newsletter.

I have PTSD so I know a little of what you've suffered, especially that crazy agitation that makes you to want to chop off your head becuase it's the only way to stop the chatter of your mind.

Well, it seems we both still have our heads, and we must keep them. Here's to you my love xx

Posted by pippa on 12/06/2010

Oh Marian - I beg to differ! You CAN write again. Hurrah! This newsletter is an amazing piece of writing. Honest, compelling and emotive. I was so thrilled to read your words again.

I am SO glad you are seeing some light in your days again, and I just hope things continue to improve for you each day.

Thank you so much for sharing this improvement with us all. I know I am one of millions who have been thinking of you these past months. You are very kind to have included us in your journey, and what is hopefully, your recovery.

All the best Marian, you are greatly loved.

xx

Posted by MellyJane on 12/06/2010

Hi Marian

I along with many others on here are so glad that you're back and are making progress. I guess I just wanted to let you know that as I have often thought about how you were.

Himself obviously loves you very much and I'm glad you have him there to support you. You can't beat the love of a good man! :o)

I also find cooking therapeutic although my daughter is the cupcake/baking fan, I tend more towards savoury but find that I smile whilst doing it. I think it's more about the pleasure I get from feeding others and watching them enjoy it.

I miss your ramblings )and I say that in the nicest way, as I too have a tendency to ramble) and I can hear your voice as I read your writing and it always makes me laugh.

I hope you continue to recover and manage to keep the black clouds at bay once more. I'm sure that BB will keep you occupied at least for the next few months, and I look forward to a possible appearance on BBLB

sending happy thoughts - Sarah xxx

Posted by sarahafrost on 12/06/2010

Well Done Marian! It's great to hear that you're feeling better. Since you wrote about depression back in January I've been thinking about how you've been and I've even said a prayer!Your words were very inspirational too which will surely help others who are in a dark place. I only hope now that things can get better! Your cakes looks great by the way! Keep up the good work!

xxxx

Posted by M on 12/06/2010

Hi Marian, Im so happy to hear from you again !
I been thinking about you from time to time during these months and hoped that you would get well again soon. I been missing your newsletter.

Hope to hear from you soon again!
/ Love from Jenny in Sweden
XXX

Posted by Crashrw on 11/06/2010

Marian, you can add baking gorgeous-looking cakes to your skills list. Something to fall back on if you forget how to write, which of course you won't because you're brilliant. We all love you.

Posted by JanelleC on 11/06/2010

Thank you so much for writing this. I am currently coming out of a really dark month, full of anxiety. All I've been able to do is watch tv shows and distract myself from my anguish and I totally identified with every single thing that you wrote. Except I can't stand baking - though I have noticed in the past that I tend to start cooking a lot before an episode, almost as if I know what is coming and I do whatever I can to stop it from happening.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience, it helps me feel less alone as besides my mother, I am the only one I know suffering such extensive anxiety and depression problems. As much as I feel terribly that other people have to suffer through this too, it's comforting to know I am not alone and that there is always hope, that it does inevitably improve.

I saw my doctor on Monday and have just started meds and already feel more hopeful. I've had anxiety problems my entire life, but never this severe, so fingers crossed that my new meds plus counselling will set me back on track.

Until then, I'll keep up with my gratitude journals and meditation and supplements ... and sweet, sweet tv show box sets.

xx

Posted by tee on 11/06/2010

Hi Marian ! Im so happy that your feeling a bit better now ! I been thinking about you from time to time during these months and I been missing your newsletters a lot! Your cakes look really yummy.
Hope to hear from you soon again!
With love from Jenny in Sweden XXX

Posted by Crashrw on 10/06/2010

Welcome back Marian. I have never suffered with depression and I have never really understood it either. I have heard people describe it as having "black dogs" around constantly but as I say I have never suffered with it. I am just glad that you are back on the upward slope.

Lynsey xx

P.s Come Dine With ME rocks! Try having your own come dine with me, I would totally recommend it!

xx

Posted by Lynseyh777 on 10/06/2010

Hi Mary, you may not remember me but I was the only male on the creative writing course last year at Harvey’s point. I learnt so much from your talks there and loved meeting you.
I too have suffered from terrible depression after food poisoning attacked my body and stopped me from doing my job as a professional squash player. I have not been able to get on the court and play since. It is eating me up. What helped me were several things. Putting on funny videos on the tv to get me to laugh. The biggest thing was a piece of advice from a depression specialist. He told me to get a piece of paper and write down all the things that I was worried about or I thought made me depressed. Then get another piece of paper and write down in what ways I could improve or get rid of each problem. Then he told me to throw the first piece away and the second paper was a list of things to do. That way even if things are on top of you then you constantly have actions to try and improve them. As you are a bundle of energy this may actually help to some extent. I hope so. Since being on the course with you I have nearly finished my fourth book. First is published but having trouble getting an agent at the moment for the others. Would love to send you the first book if you get round to start reading again. Very light reading and hopefully has a feel-good air to it.
Please get better soon. We miss your books.

Posted by squasher on 10/06/2010

Hi Marian, I have two WONDERFUL IDEAS for you to try.

1. Deep Inner Work. (psycotherapy-YES! Plus some of the following...) By this I mean Re-evaluation co-counselling, rebirthing, group work or NuroLinguistic Programming. I have found working on a deep level to shift core hurts absolutely vital to a life with much less pain!!

2. Cold Showers. You may think I am a nut-but look up the benefits on the net! Only 3 of them for 20 seconds each , each day. Make sure the water hits the back of your neck and your forehead. It clears negative energy and helps your stuck energy flow.

I feel for you beautiful one. remember you are beloved of us and of the Universe-it's time to delve deeper to heal so that you don't have to carry this stuff onto your next life. The gatherings "The Joining" and "Being Woman" in Australia have a lot of people there who can help with deep core issues(as I am sure there are in your world too).

It also sounds like you are already doing your darndest to heal-good on you... keep at it .

Best of luck. Love Shannon.

Posted by shanisun on 10/06/2010

So glad to hear you are breaking ground on brighter days. Having experienced depression for most of my life off and on I must say Our spirits are kindred. BUT! I have all but eradicated the black fog through LOTS of hard work.Some of your suggestions were methods I used. I noticed it seems to be a maintenance thing.When I feel "it" coming on even in the slightest, I take action. (I watch my diet, take my vitamins(extra B12 for metabolism and nerve support and D for body aches)I avoid ALL toxic people and the nightly news . I treat myself like a queen, take myself to lunch, buy new shoes. anyway I've managed to NOT fall in the hole for 3 years now. Here's what I wondered about your episodes...Do they seem to coincide with the completion of your novels? Could it be sort of like a post partum depression? Here you've worked so hard on this piece and suddenly it's out there.It's no longer inside of you. Anxiety sets in, fear, despair,(will they like it? will it flop?) I just thought that might be a clue for you. Nonetheless I'm SO very glad you are crawling out of the pit and I hope you never have to visit there again. Luv and hugs from sunny florida!

Posted by Skysmiles on 09/06/2010

Dear Marian,
My heart goes out to you!
I commend you for talking so honestly about your depression. It is time we broke the taboo which just makes it harder for people who suffer from this illness. I am a big fan of your books. I loved Rachel's Holiday and really related to what you wrote about your drinking in Under the Duvet.

I have suffered from Anxiety and Depression for the past 3 years. Some words which might help - "Never Ever Ever Give Up!" Winston Churchill. From my 0wn experience I would advise you:
1. To avoid the use of tranquillizers.
2. Not to have ECT.
It sounds like you're on the up and up. Keep up the fight!
Lots of Love,
Clare xxx

Posted by Clare B on 09/06/2010

Hi Marian,

I have been to some very dark places and they always inspire a poem. I will be 16 years sober this month and have ended up in a looney bin twice in sobriety. The "Perth Clinic" is my local looney bin and it is like a 5 star hotel (google it!) It is such a great place to be when I am in such a dark place - full on help 24/7! When the panic and anxiety stops me from sleeping, my psychiatrist gives me a second anti depressant in the evening called Avanza. That means I get a good sleep as Avanza has a sleeping quality and it definitely not a sleeping tablet. I am fortunate that my psychiatrist specialises in alcholics so I am in good hands. I have been so well and peaceful for the last 5 years; a day at a time. If I get in a dark place again, I'll be checking straight into the Perth Clinic! Here are a couple of my poems. Lots of love, Siobhan


INSIDE MY HEAD

It can be dark and bleak inside my head
Sometimes triggered by something someone said
Or sometimes it’s just the way I open my eyes
Seems to awaken the monster that never dies!

When I realize that the negativity is here
I know for sure that I’m not “all there”
No one told me life was going to be so hard
The illusion of constant happiness is marred!

My brain can feed on memories of the past
Which makes the hurt and pain really last
Isn’t life meant to be easier and more fun than this?
Is it just me who wants to have continual bliss?

How can I make these difficult feelings cease
This is the time it’s hard to keep my peace!
First things first, get down on my knees & pray
It’s no big deal, it’s just life, and all is OK!

I need to have sorrow to experience joy
It’s about being human, not given to annoy!
Accept that everything is as it’s meant to be
This is the time when there is the most to see.

Remember, there is nothing wrong with feeling sad
All feelings are treasures, none are bad
Just let it go, take action and do something nice today
Meditation, AA meetings & exercise will keep it at bay

I need to embrace the experience as a gift
Ironically in doing that, it will start to shift.
Sadness & tears are fine once in a while
Yet I like it best when I look in the mirror & see a smile

PANIC ZONE

I woke up! Horror, I was back in that panic zone
So bloody scary, I felt trapped and so very alone
I was far away in that dark past
When I thought the turmoil would always last.

They didn’t know my spirit was crying
They didn’t know my soul was dying
I just wanted to crawl up in a ball
As into that awful place I could feel myself fall

Why could I still feel this way?
Why do I think it’s not the right thing to say?
It’s like a black tornado inside my head
Nowhere to hide, not even in my bed.

I work so hard to make it go away
Yet its continues to terrify me day after day
I’m worn out and feel full of despair
It continues to rage on, it just doesn’t care.

I wake up, the storm has abated
It’s damage done, now it’s sated.
I’m open now for destructive beliefs to release
Acceptance is the way to find my peace

I look around with joy that I’m still here
There’s really nothing for me to fear
My higher power nestles safely in my heart
How lucky am I to have yet another start!

Posted by SHIVVY on 09/06/2010

hope your feeling better, those cakes look yummy! Depression affects everyone differently, hopefully you find what works best for you soon.
xoxo

Posted by lmpjcarey on 08/06/2010

My dear Marian,
Thankyou for putting into words, the feelings people who suffer from depression have to endure. My lovely daughter sent your newsletter to my wife (both avid readers of yours), then to me. I have suffered for over a year now and I read it through my tears. On my third lot of meds and just finished CBT.
I tell all my friends and family to read your newsletter and it helps them to understand our problems. Thanks again and again.
Phil

Posted by paspey on 08/06/2010

Hi Marian, I'm writing from India. I got to know about you from Jill Mansell's site (I'm a big fan of her) and when I read that she likes your books so much I felt that I must read your work too. I have ordered 'This charming man'.
After reading this newsletter I'm very impressed by your strength as I feel depressed too sometimes.You are a wonderful lady and am looking forward to read your book :)
God bless you...
Love
Pragya xxx

Posted by Goel on 08/06/2010

Thanks for putting all this into words. I did the baking too, but also was eating it all:)
Then I found sewing and it's my therapy. I sew for all the little people in my life. There have even been times when immersed in cuting out a new pattern that I felt my brain switch off and it was like just for those few minutes I could breathe again.
Thanks again for your bravery.
A. sewmentalmama.blogspot.com

Posted by sewmentalmama on 07/06/2010

Hi Marion,

You have no idea how delighted I was to finally hear from you, like so many I have thought of you often and prayed you were surviving the horrors, such a dreadful illness that I am fortunate enough to never have encountered but can imagine it must be so the most difficult thing to overcome - no plaster to fix it. Please know your news has made me howl with laughter in the past and I look forward for your sake to the day it does again - there are definate glimmers in the above - god bless himself and the fact you have him
Jo
x

Posted by Jo Jardine on 07/06/2010

Thinking of you xx

Posted by Debsmcvb on 07/06/2010

Hi Marian! Those cakes look delicious :-) Very nice to see you got better, very good news!!! Just like to say: go on!!! You feel better now you will be ok tomorrow. And in my opinion, apart from your readers love (including mine), Himself's and yours was there all the time, supporting both. All the happiness for you and Himself for long, long time.

Besos

Posted by tatiana on 07/06/2010

Dear Marian,
here´s wishing you all the best. May you feel better and better each day. I have loved your books for many years now. You are truly one of my favourite writers! Greetings from Germany!

Posted by Sundaygirl on 07/06/2010

Marian, you are an inspiration and a true star. Your books have gotten me through the darkest of days, depression and anorexia have plagued me all my adult life and if it weren't for the Walsh sisters I would not have smiled at all. Rachel's Holiday provides the safest of havens for me to crawl into. So glad you're feeling better, you are amazing xx

Posted by offalyrose on 07/06/2010

Marian, I just wanted to say how brave you are for talking about this openly with us all. And you should NEVER feel guilty about the way you feel because of the life you lead. It is not something you choose to feel.
I think I suffered with post-natal depression last year but I was too afraid to go to the doctor. I stayed away from all of my friends except for a select few. On the other side of it now I can admit it to myself but at the time I tried to push it away and get through each hour, each minute. I felt terrible because I had nothing to be depressed about - I had a beautiful baby girl, a loving husband, a roof over my head, a job to return to...
I write as well and you have been great inspiration to me as an author. I always look forward to your books and will continue to do so. The writing will come back in time and it sounds like you're doing a lot to help yourself. As always you are inspirational. Keep going x PS I'm most impressed by your baking skills! Yum!

Posted by GemEsp on 07/06/2010

Hi Marian,
I'm really pleased you're on your way back out of the dark :) Love the pics!
I admire your bravery for speaking out about your battles with depression. You have helped so many people, including myself, just by speaking about them so publicly. So from my heart a HUGE thank you x x x
I will keep hoping you are getting better and better x

Posted by gem on 07/06/2010

Dear Marian,
i am soooo sorry to hear all that! It's so hard when you go down that far, you wonder if you'll ever be able to climb back up, but inevitably you will because you must... Eventually the darkness will become just a whisper and then one day only visit you occasionally in dreams... Perhaps like me this experience is here to teach you something of yourself, perhaps you have been thrown into 'the moment' to show you something of the beauty to be found in the stillness~es... And perhaps terror makes visits to teach us how not to fear anymore... Maybe you and i and many others who find themselves in a similar place may very well one day realize that we have been given a gift far more precious than we can truly understand right now... But maybe one day soon it might just very well be *You* (for i believe we are chosen for the gifts we have to share) who will find the right words again to reach out to other aching hearts to help them through their dark nights of the soul. Luv to you xox

Posted by Nolly on 07/06/2010

Dear Marian,
I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best and that I am glad you´re starting to feel a little better. Thank you for being so open and honest. I have loved your wonderful novels for many years and I can honestly say you´re one of my favourite writers. (And I do read your books in English!:) Please get well soon!
Greetings from Germany!

Posted by Sundaygirl on 07/06/2010

Ah Marian, thank fuck you're back. We've been so worried about you. I've been checking your website for an update every week, and hoping hoping hoping that you would be feeling better. I will be praying that your upward trajectory continues.

Please don’t feel that you have to justify how you feel in comparison with other people in dire circumstances – you have a terrible illness that is not of your creation – no-one reading your update would be left in any doubt about that. And don’t worry about not being able to write, we will wait for you, for as long as it takes. Just keep on swimming.

All my love xx

Posted by RunLyraRun on 07/06/2010

Dear Marian,
I too am in that horrible, black and lost place and your very act of so honestly sharing is a true inspiration. Thank you for helping me to remember to share. And for the understanding that, even when it feels you can't possibly hang on, not to be afraid. We all hang on to each other.

Thank you so much.
Like eveyone else here, I'm hanging on to you Marian (and not just to get at those delicious-looking cakes!):D XXXXX

Posted by Squilla on 07/06/2010

Fan-bloody-tastic, Marian. Have kept checking (not in an obsessive way, I hope :-) the website, just in case you had written something and somehow no-one had sent an email to tell me, so I was really happy to see the mail today. Love the cakes, love those cute cars, just so glad you're feeling a bit better. The bad time sounds truly hideous. Can't tell you how cheered I am that you're feeling a bit better xxxx

Posted by helennw3 on 06/06/2010

Marian - welcome back. You are surrounded by love from your family and your fans. If it all gets too dark PLEASE contact ANY of us at ANY time and we will try and help. Don't bottle it up and please don't let it all get too much for you luvvie. x

Posted by Nickee on 06/06/2010

You poor old fecker, you have had an awful time of it. I completely identify with all the feelings you described around your depression...been there done that...but not for near as long as you. You are a mighty woman to have gotten this far and I know deep inside of you that there is a tiny star shining called SURVIVAL because otherwise you wouldnt be here when it got as bad as you described. Our heads are just lethal and very hard to ignore when the s**t floods in and triggers the bad feelings and I just wanted to let you know you are not on your own. Please God, you are on the way up and I will keep you in my prayers and you are like myself...mad for the baking...I just love it. Take care hun. xxxxxxxxx

Posted by ellenmartin on 06/06/2010

Hi Marian :)
It's so great to hear that you are getting better :) and that things are looking up :)
Your cakes look amazing, you surely are an amazing cook :)
We were wondering if you have heard about Darren and Lilia's Tour of Latin Fever, it's going round the UK and so is the Strictly Come Dancing Pro Tour, we are sure you would be more than welcome to attend and it could possibly make you feel a bit happier about life :) You never know! :) All those sequins and glitter!
A pink car is most certainly the way forward <3
Please hang in there and keep going :) It's a blessing that you are still here and are getting better <3
Best wishes and lots of love,
Rosie and Julia xxx

Posted by ro_ju93 on 06/06/2010

welcome back,

Posted by ann snow white on 06/06/2010

Hi Marian.

I know depression it's difficult overcome, but I think you are an amazing woman with a great willpower, and you will achieve it!

I'm reading now Rachel's Holiday and with each word I read I think "I wish I would write like Marian" :)

Well, maybe another terapy can be a travel to Spain, sun it's a good antidepressant.

I hope you get over so soon! and sorry if my english it's not totally right.

Kisses of an 'amiga' in Spain.


Lucia

Posted by Lucia on 06/06/2010

Glad your starting to claw your way back. Know exactly what it feels like; been on anti-ds or anti-anxiety pills on and off last 20 years since I was 18. You really don't have any control over your thoughts or feelings, so don't think you are being selfish. When you're in the pit, you don't need another big, jaggy stick to beat yourself with! I've been thoroughly therapped in loads of different ways, tried loads of different meds and I still get episodes. At the moment, I'm trying to think of my depressive episodes as something akin to getting an unavoidable visit from my least favourite relative; an excercise in superhuman endurance! Congratulations in getting through this episode intact. All the best xxx

Posted by spacemonkey on 06/06/2010

Glad your starting to claw your way back. Know exactly what it feels like; been on anti-ds or anti-anxiety pills on and off last 20 years since I was 18. You really don't have any control over your thoughts or feelings, so don't think you are being selfish. When you're in the pit, you don't need another big, jaggy stick to beat yourself with! I've been thoroughly therapped in loads of different ways, tried loads of different meds and I still get episodes. At the moment, I'm trying to think of my depressive episodes as something akin to getting an unavoidable visit from my least favourite relative; an excercise in superhuman endurance! Congratulations in getting through this episode intact. All the best xxx

Posted by spacemonkey on 06/06/2010

So happy to see you're back Marian! I hope you get better soon, you don´t have to feel any presion about writing, just get recovered and remember you´re the best and lots of people love you!!

Posted by victo on 06/06/2010

HI Marian, so good to hear from you and glad you're feeling a bit better. Depression is a terrible terrible illness and I dont think anyone can understand exactly how you are feeling. It does sound like you have fantactic friends and family and of course 'Himself'to help you through and I think the idea of baking in fantastic, I dabble a little a while ago with cupcakes, imagining myself opening a little cupcake shop here in Leeds (no such luck, my cakes were terrible) anyway during one of my 'down' times I took to scouring cupcake websites you can't believe all the accoutriments and decorations are out there for the professional cupcake baker.

Anyway enough of this idle chit chat just wanted to tell you how good it was to receive your newlestter and I hope you can go from strength to strength in getting back to some semblance of normality.

One last thing, I find that going to the gym and taking part in classes really helps my mood, some days I have to force myself to go as it would be so easy to stay at home but once I've been I can feel all the happy endorphine running through me - it's great. Any finally another good exercise for banishing 'bad thoughts' is to clear clutter from all your cupboards and streamline your home it really does help its like throwing away the clutter from your mind and help you see things clearly. But I bet you've heard all this before. Stay strong, we all love you

Take Care Janet x

Posted by mackerel on 06/06/2010

Hola Marian.
Me alegra de que estes ahi. No comprendo bien el Ingles pero entiendo por lo que estas pasando. Asi que mucho animo, sigue luchando por vivir. La depresion es como una enfermedad del alma y tu que sabes como alegrar la vida de los demas a traves de tus obras, encontraras la manera de hacerlo con la tuya.
Un beso y animo desde España

Posted by Beatriz on 06/06/2010

Marian,
I am so glad to hear you're getting better. I went through depression this time last year and the first thing people close to me said also was 'Sure what would you have to be depressed about?' (In all the glorious wexfordian accents!) I did get better and my year went on.

Recently I lost my boyfriend and I feared I would slip back into that black hole but as lick arsey as this may sound, your books may just have stopped that!! I lost myself in books of my favourite authors, including some of yours which I had read umpteen times already, but the others just weren't funny enough!

Soooooo, off I went down to the bookshop (okay, so it was every one in wexford town) and didn't rest until I had every one of your books I could get, in my possession. I just finished the last one.(And I have watched 'Au secours, j'ai trente ans!')

Marian, I want to sincerely thank you for keeping me laughing and smiling through this horrible experience.

Best wishes and much love from the sunny (cough) south east!! xx

(Apologies for the feathery strokery-ness of this!! :) )

Posted by MonaLisahan on 06/06/2010

I am so sorry to hear you have been so unwell. I too have been the victim of depression and have had a sort of nervous breakdown due to several pressures in life. I lined all the tablets in the house up in their packs end to end, they went almost all the way round the worktop. Then I remembered the children and put them away.
I hope you keep on getting better each day, and every hour is one less to suffer...one nearer getting better again.
Take care Marian, you really do inspire so many people.
xxxx

Posted by Mermaid185 on 06/06/2010

Marian,
I'm so pleased to hear you are on the mend. I love baking for therapy too, and recently started a cake decorating course that was held at the local school. Unfortunately I've had an emergency operation and I've had to abandon the course after only three lessons. I've got the bug to decorate now, and I recommend watching Cake Boss on Discovery.realtime. It's good for a laugh and the cake designs are great. Take care xx

Posted by susannah1968 on 06/06/2010

Dear Marian, I just wanted to add my best wishes and tell you that I love your books. I'm a writer too (unpublished as yet) and it's something I love. My mother passed away 8 weeks ago and I've been lost since. The writing will save me if I can get back to it. Stephen King reckons it saved him after his accident. I think that it might be worth your while to try writing something completely mad and not your usual style just to break the mould and have fun with it. Not for publication, just for silliness. Horror (like me) or a crime caper or something. Anyway, the main thing is for you to feel better. I'd love more books from you but when the time is right, they'll come. Best best wishes. Tina (fellow Irish writer in troubled times)

Posted by TinaL on 06/06/2010

Dear Marian, if there were any magic spell to cast to bring you back to happiness or however you may call it (that "my old self" should do), you would've already found it out. The point is that you've already helped us all a lot with your magic, and the only magic I've ever come across is LOVE, I send you all love from the bottom of my heart and wish you the best from Spain.
LOVE YOU.

Posted by Crisaple on 06/06/2010

Dearest Marian, am so glad that things are looking up for you. When I was felled by depression I also took to baking: did just about everything from "How To Be A Domestic Goddess". As well I cooked intimate dinners for close friends - I think it was my way of telling them I cared. May your life be full of chocolate sprinkles. xx

Posted by Stacey on 06/06/2010

Hey Marian!
I am so glad to hear from you. I wish you can overcome the situation you are going through.
I love your writing! Pls, don't stop doing it! It would be a great lost.

You cook like this since you were a kid? Amazing! I am awful with baking! Yours, they all look delicious! And the pink car... COME ON! AWESOME!!!!!! I'd love to have a lovely mini cooper all fixed up for a girl like me!

Well, send you my best from here (Peru)... will keep reading you.

Great energies to you!

Posted by kvtarazona on 06/06/2010

I'm so so so so sorry about these past awful months, and I really hope that you get well ASAP. I'm reading The Brightest Star in the Sky and absolutely adoring it, just as I have all of the rest of your books. You are a fantastic author and person, and if anyone deserves to get better, it would be you. I really hope that you are on the mend and that this better period will last. Keep doing everything that makes you happy, and don't feel you need to write. I for one would be happy just knowing that you are feeling better. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Posted by lre1128 on 06/06/2010

Sending you love, light, strength, support, cuddles and peace. Hang on in there missus! xxxxxxx

Posted by catmag on 05/06/2010

Marian it is so wonderful to read your news. I have thought about you so often these last months. I too have suffered from my own chronic recurring blackness. Much of what you describe reminds me of my abyss. At my bleakest I watched Gladiator 5 times a day, spent hours playing Spider Solitaire,would buy things, usually exercise equipment, at 3am on QVC and lie through my teeth about sharing it with a friend. I felt like a weathered statue,just a block of stone,no features,no detail just a still mass.
My consultant tried many drugs and the "wash out" between them was... But I have been on an MAOI Phenelzine for the last 6 years...no cheese, RED WINE,Marmite and no broad bean pods( how I miss those delicious things) but it keeps me well so bugger the wine.
After a dip my retiring consultant referred me to the NHS psychology team and I luckily got 22 months of once a fortnight (weekly when I was really getting into the thick of it) of one to one psycho dynamic therapy. It turned my life around.
This horrible condition robbed me of a profession I loved and was very good at I am now back at work as an administrator for a school Special Needs Department.
Marian you will return to you...have blips but there will always be a pinprick of light.
Like you I have a wonderful "himself" who looked after me and my two young children while my life was frozen,who just went with the most bizarre behaviour. I wouldn't be here either without him.
Bless you Marian, It's lovely to have you back and hear your lovely family news. With much love Lindsay

Posted by Louloudu on 05/06/2010

Hi Marian... Just a thought, I have struggled with sadness, anxiety, panic attacks, evil thoughts etc. I don't think I have sunken to the point as you have for you have been low for a longer amount of time at one time than I but I want to share something that has helped somewhat. I am a lover of diet soda, splenda, calorie free drinks, sugar free gum etc. I found that but taking the artificial sugar out of my diet that I have improved a lot of the mood swings, sleep disturbances and depression and panic attacks. I found that it was clearly doing me more harm than good. I don't know if you are too a coffee or tea drinker with equal or another kind of artificial sweetner (aspartame) in but but if you are it might be worth a shot to stop it and see how you feel. It's not a cure all but I read a book on the toxicity of the stuff and it's definitely not good for you. Hope you are well SOOONNN.. miss your books, LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM and now that I've read the brightest star in the sky (like the day it came out) I'm trying to be patient for your next masterpiece :)
Stay healthy,
Sarah

Posted by sarahzsimmons on 05/06/2010

Amazing to hear you're starting to feel better. I've been crossing my fingers for a newsletter every month, and when you were the answer to a puzzle in the Metro recently II'm not kidding, I literally laughed out loud and got it after the first three words (the other train passangers were rather amused!!).

I hope you manage to reclaim your telent for writing. I love your books - they've got me through education, break ups, new relationships, sad days, happy days, and so many long journeys I daren't even begin to count. *Hugs for you, Himself and everyone else*. x

Posted by Crayola on 05/06/2010

Marian Keyes... You are AMAZING! The amount of people that love your work is unreal. The number of comments in two days, wow!

"Keep holding oooooon!". Rachel in Glee, belting it out just for you.. I can't remember the other words, it could well be a love song, but the chorus is the main bit in fairness.

You are one of my top three fav authors, alongside J.K. Rowling and Jodi Picoult, but I can safely say that your books are the only ones that make me scream with laughter. Your characters are so bloody lovable! The term "Rough as a badger's
arse" had me in fits for quite a while. I throw it into conversation now and again and shriek as I do.

You're fantastic! Last week I had a dream that I met you... you spoke French to me in a queue for something, that was fairly weird... just goes to show that you're in the minds of many!

Posted by claralaara on 05/06/2010

Marian Keyes... You are AMAZING! The amount of people that love your work is unreal. The number of comments in two days, wow!

"Keep holding oooooon!". Rachel in Glee, belting it out just for you.. I can't remember the other words, it could well be a love song, but the chorus is the main bit in fairness.

You are one of my top three fav authors, alongside J.K. Rowling and Jodi Picoult, but I can safely say that your books are the only ones that make me scream with laughter. Your characters are so bloody lovable! The term "Rough as a badger's
arse" had me in fits for quite a while. I throw it into conversation now and again and shriek as I do.

You're fantastic! Last week I had a dream that I met you... you spoke French to me in a queue for something, that was fairly weird... just goes to show that you're in the minds of many!

Posted by claralaara on 05/06/2010

Hi Marian, So sorry you're going through this, it's a hideous illness and obviously as as widespread as flu but perversely it still has something of a stigma about it, as though you're choosing to feel this way. Thank you for being brave/strong enough to talk about it so openly, you are probably helping many people simply by doing so.
Like everyone else who has posted on here, i want to send you my love and let you know that on my bad days (I have M.E.)I listen to your books on CD as i too find it difficult to read. They make me smile and they stop the 'negative self talk' in my head!
I also made cakes when i got ill (am now considered something of an expert) and i swear by Nigella's recipes. I emailed her and told her how much baking was helping me and she wrote back - how cool is that!
Anyway, keep doing your thing and know how much you are loved, you have touched people right across the world (in a good way)and we all want you to get better. Felicity xx

Posted by felicity on 05/06/2010

Welcome back, sweet Marian. The world is a better (and funnier) place with you in it.

Posted by sassefras1972 on 05/06/2010

Hello, Marian,

Thank you for sharing some of your painful thoughts and feelings. Thank you for your strength, and for sharing your inspiring struggle.

I am delightd you have great sources of love in your life, and that you have found wonderful outlets for your creativingity.
Take good care.

Posted by Laura FDT on 05/06/2010

Marian, darling heart, keep doing whatever you are doing (all of it, for all the quacks know it might be a very specific combination of all the little things that gets you over the line). As John Lennon once said, "Whatever gets you through the night... it's alright." And perhaps you won't look back and laugh at the darkest days in your life, but know that your life experiences, especially the tough ones, contribute to a unique perspective that makes you not just the amazing person you are, but the incredible writer as well... and your ability to use all that pain and insight in your books is what makes your characters so rich and memorable too. Write when you feel like writing... you know we'll all be here to embrace you and whatever you create as always. Love and hugs, Teresa x

Posted by teresabutler on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian, when I saw your name in my inbox this morning, my heart skipped a beat. Seriously. I can honestly say and , hand on heart, I have missed you so much. I have loved receiving your newsletter every month and have thought about you every day since reading your newsletter in January. I did leave a reply but I checked an checked and it never appeared on the page but I really did think about you so much and I am so pleased that you are on the road to recovery. You are an amazing woman, you really are, you should be proud of yourself for being able to talk about your problems rather than hide away like most others would. It gives us, your fans hope that if you can get through this then so can we. We really do all love you so much and hope your road to recovery is an easy one to travel. All the best Marian. P.s. I am very jealous of your pink car! I want one :) XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Posted by Bekkib123 on 04/06/2010

Marion, I was so happy to get this and see things are getting better. I'm really pleased for you. I've never heard anyone describe depression so well either, I've only suffered this to a relatively mild degree compared to you but you put it so well. I wish you still wrote about make up actually, I'm a bit obsessed with the stuff!! I'd rather read a new novel from you of course but baby steps!

Posted by AIMEE on 04/06/2010

So glad to have you back with us! You have been in my thoughts over the last few months, wondering how you have been doing. The baking is a fabulous idea, it is very therapeutic - and even if things don't always go quite right the end result usually still tastes nice! Not sure if you have heard of or seen a show called Cougar Town? Might be worth a look, the episodes are half an hour each and are very entertaining :) Not sure if you know anyone with a dog who you could maybe visit, I know when my black fog descends sometimes the only thing which helps are my Mum's labradors - taking them for a hike or even just petting and cuddling them and telling them my woes. They never get tired of listening which is sometimes all you want, even if you are not making much sense.
PS Himself, you are doing a fabulous job - please remember you are not alone and we are all sending both of you love and support!

Posted by Snell on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian,

I am so glad that you are doing better. You’ve been in my thoughts these past months. I experienced many of the feelings you describe in my own recovery and your writing brought it back so vividly. I remember that split second of peace when I first woke up, then the fear crashing in, so that I thought I would be sick with the force of it. I always hoped it would be a reasonable hour, but it was usually 5.30am. I remember congratulating myself for sitting through Emmerdale – another half hour done – then the meeting (where I was pleased if I managed a biscuit as my throat felt tied,) then almost bedtime and another day done. It got easier when the sun set. (my sister said ‘We’re coming into summer – you’re fucked.’)

In the middle of the night, when there was no one to talk to and the Big Book seemed too distant, rereading Rachel’s Holiday was a huge comfort. I always wanted to thank you for that. Your experience, strength and hope were and are a great help to me.

All my best wishes, Clare

Posted by clareg on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian,
I am so glad to hear that you are doing better. You've been in my thoughts these past months. I've experienced many of the feelings you describe in my own recovery, and your writing brought it all back to me, so vividly. I remember that split second of peace when I woke every morning, just before the fear crashed in and I felt as if I would be sick with the force of it. I'd look at the clock, praying it was a reasonable hour but it was usually 5.30am. I remember congratulating myself when I sat through Emmerdale - another 30 minutes done, then out to a meeting (pleased if I managed to eat a biscuit, since my throat felt tied)then almost bedtime, and another day got through.It used to get easier when the sun set (my sister said 'well, we're heading into summer - you're fucked.')

When there was no one to talk to in the middle of the night, and the Big Book seemed too distant, rereading Rachel's Holiday was a huge comfort. I will always thank you for that.

Your experience, strength and hope were and are a great help to me.

my best wishes, clare

Posted by clareg on 04/06/2010

Hi Marian!

Its so great that you are slowly on the mend - I was worrying about you!

I'm glad that you find baking so helpful and therapeutic - I always find it extremely calming and I can almost do it on autopilot now! Your cakes look divine!

I have no idea how you are feeling / felt and so I can only wish you the best, my very best wishes.

Love Lucy

p.s. I am only a lowly A level psychology student, but I would seriously warn you against ECT (electric shock treatment), or at least do some proper research before you do it, as it is not a decision to take lightly. Your artistic skills and talent may be negatively changed - I just hope and wish all the best!

Posted by Lucy404 on 04/06/2010

Welcome back Marian.... :-)

Posted by H3l3n on 04/06/2010

I LOVE cake and your cakes look delicious, but PLEASE don't become a baker - I'd definitely prefer your books to a cake!!!

Posted by Danish Fan on 04/06/2010

Dearest Marian,
Good to hear that you are on your way back up to the surface. I know what that terrible agitation feels like, it really is the worst - wanting to jump out of your skin. Medication really is the answer and I'm glad you're trying different tablets. It took me about 6 tries to find Sertraline and it changed my life. You need something that turns the volu
me down on The Fear. The tapping therapy is the only thing that helped me when the panic would threaten to overwhelm me (but that's only temporary).I know it sounds nutty but it honestly really works. Try "Tapping the Healer Within" by Roger Callahan.


A big Well Done to Himself for doing such a great job when he must be feeling so powerless to help you.
Keep being kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to start writing again, it will happen when you're well enough. We all just want you to get back to full health.
Finally thanks for speaking out when you are a high profile target for people who don't understand depression is not something you can cure by simply counting your blessings (if only!).You are really helping the rest of us who suffer in silence.
All my love
Tara xxx

Posted by Tara on 04/06/2010

yay, you're back! That's ayoba!! (some South African slang for you. Means awesome, sweet, cool etc. thought you might like to hear it, what with the upcoming world cup and such!) xxx

Posted by CatherineJ on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian,

So glad you are feeling better! Was lovely to see that you were ready to write to us. Sending you lots of love from Melbourne xoxox

Posted by Maria Rodriguez on 04/06/2010

Marian it must have taken such courage to write that, congratulations! I was so so so happy to hear from you, you've been in my thoughts throughout these long months. Believe me you haven't lost it, I was laughing and crying while reading that newsletter! Those cakes look incredible, baking is so theraputic. I'm so glad you've been out walking in Wicklow because it is something that I've recently started doing and it is so enjoyable and you get a great sense of freedom. Keep doing it!! I just cannot imagine what you have been going through, it is simply awful... You say you haven't been able to write, you just did. You didn't write a tiny 2 sentence piece you wrote a long article, that was a massive step in your recovery. Never ever give up, you are fantastic and we all love you so much. xxxx

Posted by greenapples on 04/06/2010

It's so wondeful to see you back Marian, i'd like to congratulate you for having the honesty to speak about something that not nearly enough people are honest about.
As regards the baking, you may like this websiite, it's a blog by a Dublin girl who bakes yummy stuff

http://likemamusedtobake.blogspot.com/

Posted by blondie on 04/06/2010

Glad to hear that your feeling much better and your great sense of humour can still be seen in you writing. Love the cakes! Hope your fully recovered soon. Ali x

Posted by aliasgrace on 04/06/2010

Marian, I cannot even begin to understand what you and so many others go through because of depression - the nearest I've been to it was during monthly PMS days (and, BTW, Evening Primrose Oil helps a lot!), but I truly sympathise with your fight and send you all my best wishes of recovery.
Your books have helped me a lot with my learning English (I'm Brazilian) and since "Watermelon" - probably the book I laughed most in my life when reading - I have been waiting for every new book with enormous anticipation. And after I read each of them I think of writing to you, you make us feel so close, like family or a best friend... I've always though of suggesting a character for one of your books, maybe an immigrant living in the UK during these more conservative (pun unintended) times... Sadly I never wrote but could not leave it pass now, after reading your amazingly personal and open newsletter.
Please keep going on, day by day, or hour by hour if you must, but never give up. I know it's easier said than done but remember all the people around the world your words have touched so much and be sure that you are loved by millions. Keep baking (very yummy cake pics, thank you Himself!), watch TV, read (may I also give you a suggestion? A self-help book called "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind", by Joseph Murphy, and the others he wrote, helped my mother fight cancer for a long time, you may find them useful too), enjoy your family, friends and your pink car, indulge yourself in the small things that make you happy and give yourself time. We'll be here, supporting you and waiting for you.
Tonia

Posted by Tonia on 04/06/2010

What happy news! I am delighted to hear that you are feeling better. I am also delighted to see that you have become a domestic goddess!!! Your cakes look fantastic. I always read your books when I feel sad. Well done on being so honest and open. You are helping eradicate the stigma that surrounds depression. You are an inspiration.

Posted by AllieM on 04/06/2010

Welcome Marian! I am very glad to be back to read your blog
It's fantastic! And really, little by little everything returns to its place. You are stronger than you think.

For me and for many people you are very important in this life, we need you.

So just out of selfishness, keep writing please.

You're the best! We love you Marian ..

Posted by evita on 04/06/2010

Thank you for staying with us Marian, and thank you for your bravery in sharing with us, and thank you to himself for being such a great man.

Posted by Tiz on 04/06/2010

Hi Marian - so nice to read your newsletter again. It really is a ray of sunshine. It's about time the world woke up to dealing with depression. Good for you for being brave enough to write about it so candidly as it will help others. I visited a friend once in a psychiatric hospital and never forgot how many people I met there who simply had no light in their eyes. Many were my own age and from a similar background - I have never forgotten those visits as in an instance I saw how devastatingly dehabilitating depression can be. So, mind yourself and don't mind the begrudgers they're not worth it. Oh and keep up the baking - if all else fails sugar will do ... xx

Posted by Ocelot on 04/06/2010

Glad you are back! All the best. Look after yourself.

Posted by NIXONS on 04/06/2010

My dear Marian. I cried when I read your newsletter. I have literally gotten through day by day by reading your books. The pages are worn and covers bent and I can quote paragraphs at a time. I feel like the Walsh girls are my friends. Please get well soon. I love you, and clearly by reading other posts I'm not alone. I sending thoughts of warmth and good health to you. Thankyou for coming back to us

Posted by Kikkinon on 04/06/2010

Hi Marian

Just wondered if you have thought about trying Electric Shock Therapy? My friends mother had a very severe depressive episode over Christmas and ended up around 4 stone and in hospital. It was an awful incident and nothing seemed to be working. Then the Doctor suggested Electric Shock Therapy. Anyway that has worked a treat, she is coming on really well and hopes to be out of hospital soon.

Might be worth giving it a go.

Posted by Eagle on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian,

I am Mauritian (currently sudying in Cape Town) and I absolutely love you. I have been going through a sort of depression of my own and I feel great after having read your little piece here. I really thought I was quite a madzer for making my boyfriend run, (not once, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR times) from his guys night out to come to me because I was crying abnormally and making a fuss in the middle of night and SWEARING that I reached the tip of the iceberg and that I WOULD end up killing somebody... ANYBODY, or myself, or break something. I know I might sound like a BIG attention seeker, but I really don't know what was happening. I think its my ex boyfriend, turning me into a real walking CRAZY person.
Keep the good work going! :)

Posted by Naebsy on 04/06/2010

l also have been bitten by the black dog. l have never felt such a joyless lifeless hopeless place without light.Thank God we live in this age and treatment is available. My worst fear is that it will sneak up on me again.Hopefully not. God bless. Mary Terase.

Posted by mary terase on 04/06/2010

Marian,
I understand the last thing you are looking for is pity, however I am deeply saddened by your newsletter. While I cannot say I have stood exactly in your shoes, I can certainly share some empathy in that I have experienced a similar kind of darkness. And though none of your friends, family or fans can pull you from your broken self, I can only hope that you will find the will to keep living and find the inspiration to touch the lives of everyone around you and simply write.

I admire your strength right now. It's this type of strength that - at the end of the day - can show you just how powerful you truly are.

Posted by stef.dooley on 04/06/2010

Hello Marian, enjoyed your two latest books, then discovered "Last Chance Saloon" and enjoyed it even more....good advice from my Doctor, try to have something to look forward to, it may be a tiny thing, very best wishes, thinking of you with hope xo

Posted by rosy in oz on 04/06/2010

Well. Ok - first of all, look what you've done to me woman - half an hour ago I was sitting here at work checking my emails (on the skive, obviously) and saw you'd written another newsletter; two sentences in and I'm doing that awkward silent crying you do in the office. (You know the type - where if you get up to go to the bathroom to really have a good old BAWL for yourself, everyone will notice as you’re walking, so instead you sit veeerrry very still trying to act like the water leaking from your face has nothing to do with you and stare very keenly at the ceiling for a bit willing the tears to eff off back into your eyes.)
What I’m trying to say is that CHRIST you’re incredible. Even at your lowest ebb, with nothing apparently but a whisk, some whipped egg whites and a bag of icing-sugar between you and oblivion (cakes look AMAZING, by the way – you should be very proud of each and every one), you still manage to write so eloquently, so openly and so perceptively about how you feel and what you’re experiencing that you’re able - in the midst of what I thought was a Normal Day - to spirit me right back to the root of what caused my depression to manifest itself fully a few years ago, when I was about 20. Most days I can walk through life with every pain in my heart conveniently frozen into a little block; some days it melts. And jesus does it melt EVERYWHERE. (Hence why I shouldn’t make the mistake of reading your beautiful, insightful words within five miles of my bloody office.)
I know you’re an avid reader yourself and have been through the whole ‘I am an intelligent human being with no reason to feel this way and I am going to find out what the hell is wrong with me” search with books and libraries a go-go but having read what you feel above (and identifying with every word) I’m powerfully reminded of what a therapist soothingly (how else!) suggested to me at the Priory Roehampton (indeed - nothing less than the swankiest people deciding exactly how mental I am! No sir). Annywah - according to my amazing therapist, there is a facet of depression that can best be described as ‘frozen anger’. So impotent is our rage in the face of some of the terrible, terrible things that happen to us and others that it literally has nowhere to go but in, leaving us in a state of frenzied numbness. We try and try to distract ourselves (drink, drugs, food, sex – and the rest; frenzy!) because wishing our parents WEREN’T abusive alcoholics or wishing that we WEREN’T constantly afraid of everything or whatever the issue is (two of mine there for you!) we cannot change it yet cannot cope with it – so we freeze the feelings and hope they’ll disappear (numbness!).
I know enough about you from reading the openly personal bits and pieces you’ve written over the years, so I know there are parts of life that cause not just me, but even amazing people like you some immense sadness or lack of fulfillment, and they simply can’t be solved. So tentatively, tentatively (cannot BELIEVE I’m going to attempt to give you pointers – at 17, when I got the most revolting haircut in the world and SOBBED all the way home, the only thing that would calm me was to find the bit in Rachel’s Holiday where she had a Mammy cut, to reassure myself that somebody somewhere knew how I was feeling – and I’m now trying to help the wisest person I feel I know!), I suggest that maybe you try and work out what might be making you angry? I know it doesn’t feel like anger but I reckon it could work? It helped me when nothing else would, is all I know. Unfortunately I’m CRAP at the next bit, once you’ve identified the cause – ie ‘sitting with the feelings’ and ‘welcoming them in’ – as I’m a pragmatist and if I can’t see a solution then damned if I’m going to think about the problem (I just go off and eat/throw up/shag around/drink too much/etc etc instead; much more sensible no? No). But maybe were you to give that a whirl you might have a few absolutely SHITTY days where all you did was cry and swear at Himself and smash your fist through your lovely roulade, but in a way it’d be better than the endless drone of how you’re feeling now where identifying an emotion is like trying to nail jelly to a wall. (Like I said, tell me to piss off, because I can’t get to that stage yet so maybe it’s a load of crap).
One more thing – and listen now, Marian, because this really IS relevant and important. The point is this: there are no big events, just big emotions. Seriously. For one person, something truly EVIL could occur – they could lose a loved one in a murder, be raped, live in a warzone or something equally horrific, and nobody on the planet would have anything but the deepest heartbreaking sympathy for them and regret that such a thing had happened. These things are on a huge scale – writ large enough that everyone can empathise with the pain. However, there are small and frequent things that destroy a soul as well – parents divorcing. Bullies at school. Loneliness. Being denied something you want more than anything, which everyone else seems to be able to have. These are ‘lesser’ – but mother of fuck, do they still mess you up. My point is the feelings are just as virulent in either case – you can’t be ‘a little bit’ suicidal. Whatever’s making you feel that way is a valid complaint – it doesn’t matter that you’re not out in Somalia trying to knit your own goat herd that you might feed a family of 90. Life can smack you square in the jaw and leave you reeling whether you’re in a mud hut or a mansion… so less of the feeling you’re not entitled to be unhappy – even though nobody would want to see you so.
I’ve rambled hugely (why use one word when ten will do, that’s my philosophy) but I suppose all I want to say is that nobody has ever written me (and thousands of other people judging by everyone’s responses here), and what I have felt, like you have in your books – so clearly that I couldn’t have put it into words more truthfully myself. Bugger trying to write if you’re not feeling up to it – we’ll all be here however long it takes, because you are a truly gifted author and documenter (a real word? No? Ah well) of how humans live and love and relate and something you are so superbly talented at doing should never be anything but a joy for you – it’s certainly a joy for me and for us.
I hope you feel better soon. I feel as concerned as if you were a dear, dear friend – which you have been for a decade or more, whether you knew it or not, ever since I turned the first page of Rachel’s Holiday and got sent out of Prep at my boarding school in Dublin for laughing too loudly at the ‘do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a radiator’ bit in Lucy Sullivan – and want you to take care of yourself. Be patient. Try and stay in the moment (ie no despairing about the bloody Iraquis or something while watching Come Dine With Me). And bake more gorgeous cakes…
Lots of love,
Laura xxx

Posted by Laura1983 on 04/06/2010

I don't have any great advice to help you, Marian, but I want you to know that I've thought of you often since January. I'm so happy you're feeling just a bit better. I love you so so much and I hope that this upwards trend keeps on going up!

Posted by hmadkins on 04/06/2010

I am overjoyed that you are back! I have just re-read all your (now very dog eared and lunch stained) books and loved them again like I was reading them for the first time!
Don't feel you have to justify your depression or that people will automatically think "what has she got to be so unhappy about". I think most people know what it's like from either our own experiences or those we love. Your recovery will be an enormous inspiration to others going through the same hell, not to mention inspiring us to bake (or maybe just eat) lovely cakes :)

Kia Kaha (be strong in Maori) you make us happy

xx

Piss: wish I had a pink car too! :)

Posted by Siouxsie on 04/06/2010

Marian, the image of you driving in a pink car, ferrying around lots of beautiful cakes just brought a smile to my face- you bring so much joy to so many, and it is a true delight to know that you are slowly finding your way through such a dark time. All of the best to yourself and Himself :) xxx

Posted by deee on 04/06/2010

My dearest Marian,
I hope you feel truly better soon. I got sad just to think what we would do without you! I've been loving your books since i read Rachel's Holiday for the first time in 2003. Since then your books are my addiction. I have them all, except for the last one! But i promise ill buy it as soon as i can (the truth is im waiting for it to come in paperback lol) Anyway, i really hope you get out of this awful state and keep making our lives happy with your books. We LOVE you tons! God Bless U. Greetings from a mexican in Canada =)

Posted by aleoki on 04/06/2010

Marian, You're not alone in this. This happens to others including me. Thankfully you've been successful surviving day to day. Just know you're not the only one.

Posted by kcl1981 on 04/06/2010

Marian, I have been through exactly what you are surviving right now and I just want to tell you that you WILL get through it and come out the other side so grateful for the knowledge you've gained and the love you have for yourself and the world. You're an amazing, brave woman. Hang in there and I'll be thinking of you.

Posted by Corragio on 04/06/2010

Marion, you wee dote,

Thanks be to God you are well enough to write at all - aren't you wile good to let us all know how you are when you can't even write your own stuff?

I hope so much that you find a way through this. You have given us all so much: I have a sister I might never have spoken to again if it wasn't for Rachel's Holiday.

If the love and adulation of your fans could cure you you'd have no bother. I know that doesn't happen, but I hope and pray (as another C-LC)that you will be OK.

I've never been a fan of confusing the writer with the work, but you've made it hard to separate the two. Your writing has affected me deeply ( as well as making me pee myself laughing)but you are more important now.

Good luck in your struggle and, as Dave Allen used to say, may your God go with you.

Love.
Michele

Posted by Michele on 04/06/2010

Your novels give the impression you are a really incredible person, and the fact that you have the courage to write about your struggles with depression only confirms it. I look forward to your next novel but will happily wait until YOU are ready to write. Until then, be well & thank God for the love and support of Himself and your friends and family (and please know you have many fans who care as well!)

Posted by jillsmolinski on 04/06/2010

It was only yesterday that I was wondering about you...I was missing your news and worried about your depression. My heart goes out to you and my wishes from Australia that you will see more and more light in coming weeks. It must be a truly terrifying experience and opens a little window into what both my brother and sister endure - and yes, your cakes look so scrumptious....

Posted by xavier10 on 04/06/2010

Hi Marian, it's so good to hear you're on the mend.
You are an inspiration to us all & remember that you have loads of fans & admirers that care about you, take care & welcome back! Tracy

Posted by thehursts on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian, I have devoured your update (and feel like devouring your cakes!). I know what you mean about not getting your hopes up about this latest feeling of "betterness" but I hope with all my heart it is the beginning of an ongoing time of wellness. Bake away, cuddle all the darling babies and watch Sky News...whatever works, grab onto it/them with both hands. Sending you all the best thoughts all the way from Australia. Meg

Posted by MegO'K on 04/06/2010

Marian,

I am so happy to hear that you are feeling a little better! I missed your newsletters and I'm so excited to get this one.

I needed something to escape to this week, so I'm rereading the Brightest Star in the Sky (for the second of many times!)

I find even more funnier things the second time. I love Lydia and Katie and the Poles and everyone. It is the perfect escape at the end of a busy day!

I too am obsessed with Glee and I watched an afternoon marathon of Come Dine with me! It is the best new show ever!

Enjoy the cakes, they look terrific!

Amy :)

P.S. If you wanted to write a column about Glee and cakes and Come Dine with Me... I would be all over it!

Posted by AmyKat on 04/06/2010

Dear Marian, Just yesterday I checked your website to see if there was any word on your progress - and today I have been rewarded with hopeful news! It sounds a little crazy I know, since we've never met - but I love you Marian and wish you the very best. P.S. Bugger the critics and anyone who judges you!

Posted by brendaoleary on 04/06/2010

Dearest Marian,
Its wonderful to hear from you, although please dont feel pressure that this means 'youre back, healed, and ready to write'. Just that you are choosing to live every day is an achievement - I understand, truly.
I am so glad to hear from you - you are an inspiration and your honesty is hugely comforting.
As to the naysayers who say depression and anxiety arent real and what do you have to be sad about? Screw them. They say that because they are ignorant. No person would choose to feel this way, ever. Id rather have cancer than depression, truly.
Keep up the baking - a great idea definitely, it nurtures you and satisfies your creative urges, plus tastes awesome!
Also maybe a cat or puppy might be an idea? I know that my 2 cats are the only thing i could hold on to at times (literally and figuratively) during the 6 months of my depression and anxiety hell. They love you absolutely without judgement. It is a lovely comfort.

Hang in there Marian - we love you and certainly dont judge you - so please dont be hard on yourself.

Sending you a huge hug from Australia!
:>)

Posted by Edlie on 04/06/2010

Marian, you have such a great "bring it on" attitude toward the entire ordeal, even if it was only realized at the end of it. It's very hard to open up about such things, but you do it with such love in your thoughts and words. Plus, you're so much so stronger now, something that would be difficult to achieve without going through these past few months. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling much, much better. I loved your cake and cupcake pictures! They look so yummy. Your husband did a great job with taking the photographs of them, too. (Seriously, the lighting, angles and positioning are astonishing.) I'm glad that you went hill-walking, and hopefully enjoyed the beauty of God's creation. Don't forget, we love you just as you are!

Jessica Urquiola

Posted by obladichic on 04/06/2010

Hi Marian, I've never been through what you are going through, so I have no great words to give you. All I wanted to say was that whenever you're ready to write again, I, and I'm sure all your millions of fans, will be ready to read it. Glad to hear that you seem to be on the up again. Softly, softly, catchee monkey...or however the saying goes. Much love xx

Posted by avas_writer on 04/06/2010

You have written something Marian so you are truly on the road to recovery. That is the clearest possible sign for a writer! Believe in it! When my Father died after a horrible long illness I sat down and wrote his eulogy the following day and thereafter didn't pick up a pen again for 12 months (suspended my English Lit degree study etc). Welcome back Kiddo and my personal theory is - never underestimate the healing power of a puppy.

Posted by kelton13 on 03/06/2010

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better, Marian! I had been thinking of you often and hoping you were on the mend, I was so exctied when I saw the email saying you'd written a newsletter!
Your cakes are gorgeous!
Much love from Australia,
Zoe

Posted by zoenash on 03/06/2010

Oh, and bless Himself for being such a stand-up guy and not letting you end it all. Here's a big hug for him and a nice, sisterly peck on his cheek...

Posted by Bookishmar on 03/06/2010

I can't tell you how happy I am to read your very honest and heart-rending newsletter. I've been hoping and hoping to hear you are on the mend. From your writing I see that you are still the lovely, dead funny girl we all love. I wish I lived near enough to eat some of your cake. You see, I'm not supposed to have sweets at all, but for you, I am prepared to make the supreme sacrifice. LOVE!!!!

Posted by Bookishmar on 03/06/2010

It was wonderful to hear from you Marian. I'm so pleased that slowly things are feeling less desperate. my thoughts are with you and Tony during what must be a tough time. much love xox

Posted by missmelanie on 03/06/2010

Hello, i'm really glad to hear that you are beginning to feel better. I hope everything goes well for you. I tried your how to behave in designer shops trick a while ago, but because i am a 16 year old boy it didn't go down very well... x

Posted by Frazer on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian. Thank you for sharing :) Thank you for being so real and so honest. It is refreshing. Your newsletter reached into deep places within me and your story is helping me to accept my own reality more and beat myself up less. I am finding that self-recrimination/bullying is one of the most difficult things move through. Recognising it I guess is a start - it is so insidious! Isn't it just so easy to be loving and gentle - most of all gentle, with other people, and the hardest concept for to apply to the self. Thank you for the opportunity to wish you the very best and thank you for the gifts you have brought to my life through your books and your honesty. Your voice reaches deep places in a soul that has struggled, and words of gratitude feel inadequate. I send much love and gentleness to you and himself as he supports you and you both meander through each hour and each day on this journey. From New Zealand, I want to say that you have a special place in my heart Marian.

Posted by Carrie on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian,
I was so happy to get an email announcing your newsletter this month I've missed you immensely (as have all your other lovely readers)

I just wanted to say thank you for your honesty and voicing so many feelings that many of us can't put into words, yet so strongly identify with. I've been going through one of many dark periods recently, not comparable to yours but really quite shite all the same. I can only reiterate the medicinal value of Come Dine With Me and Coach Trip. Might I also recommend the 'Wicked' soundtrack on better days (and possibly whilst home alone) when I like to take on the role of 'Entire cast' and sing until I am hoarse. I, too have also passed through the doors of a church voluntarily, after many years of only doing so under duress, which I have found strange ly comforting. (I also think it is great that the priest is called Father Mcgillycuddy and he finds homilies to be time wasting excersises)

On a serious note though I suppose these horrible, horrible periods of time just need to be waited out. Please know that you have had a profound effect on so many people's lives. I own all your masterpieces in hard back and even if, due to some natural disaster or apocolypse type situation, I couldn't get hold of your new book until it was in paperback, I would still buy the hardback because I am proud to have them on my bookshelf and they bring me so much happiness in less-than-happy times. There is a lot more I could ramble on about but I will stop now in hope that all these messages in some way help you feel a teeny bit better.
All my love from under the duvet (hopefully not for much longer)
Rachel xxxx

Posted by rachm on 03/06/2010

Thank you for sharing. I took a very long time to admit i was ill, but am getting help too from wonderful family, doc, friends, accupuncturist, therapist, meds, the works. Its working for me, but the biggest help was admitting i was ill. I wish you well on your long road to recovery.

Posted by Sana on 03/06/2010

I know exactly how you feel! You can only hear what you 'can' hear!
Tried to end it all because it was what I thought was the right thing to do.It was to me the best answer. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I thought it was the only right thing to do for my 3 sons, parents & friends.
I was so wrong....I am with the best man in the whole world but I am still suffering. Why???

Posted by cmhbyandco on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian,

You have been in my thoughts so often. I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better and I hope you continue to feel a little bit better every day.

Please try not to feel guilty about what you have in comparison to others have or don't have. You're a wonderful generous human being and I hope, at some point, you can see that the happiness and laughter you bring to others is worth more than any thing material and that you have a right to enjoy you life (and your pink car).

Take good care of yourself.

Lots of love to you.

Posted by reader66 on 03/06/2010

You are one amazing human being! Well Done!

Posted by Adele Parker on 03/06/2010

Marian, It is soooo lovely to hear from you again. I'm glad we find you in improving health. This last 8 months sound unbearable, each hour like living through hell. But you know what? You did just that you made it and we are very proud and happy to hear it. I have regularly checked to see whether you have written anything and I know that it is not an easy thing to do but I came across so many wonderful articles written by you or about you and they were lovely to read. I read something you said about the Brightest star in the sky and it has became like a mantra to me 'Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional' such wise words and words that give me a lot of strength.

Strangely, you were in my dream the other day. We met at Ikea, you were looking to do up your bathroom. I'm not sure what I was doing there perhaps in search of a new kitchen or linen closet. You're in our thoughts and dreams, clearly. Keep well and remember it's just for today.
All my love,
Courtney

Posted by CD16986 on 03/06/2010

Marian, I'm so pleased you are making progress; you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know it's going to be a long, hard battle but in the end you get to eat cake so it's going to be ok. I have bipolar and your description of the major low really hit home for me, so thank you. I think at times we don't fully realise the impact we have on one another’s lives but today Marian you have made a difference in so many just by being honest. Thank you. Dearest Himself, you deserve a medal or a really big piece of cake. Your unfailing support is amazing! I leave you with this note; never underestimate your own power. You can do it!

Posted by Jemimah on 03/06/2010

If I could clone you - I would make this world a better place. Sushi for beginners was the first book of yours that I read. I had to go away from home for a week on a business trip and i bought it to read that week - well I never slept the first night, couldn't put it down. That was it -I was hooked - I recommend Rachel's holiday to anyone with any kind of addiction eating,shopping etc. And "Anybody out there" is my favorite book of all time (and the only book i have read more than once) the part where he framed her X-rays - I have no words.

I have no words of advise - and trust me I'm one of those irritating people who think they can fix anything. I remember once sharing with a friend a funny part out of (under correction) sushi for beginners - something about the whole Botox episode- and my friend (I hope she never reads this) was looking at me with this deadpan expression after me telling her about this hilarious story - I had no idea that she went regularly for Botox.

So - you've got me in trouble, you've made me laugh and you've made me cry - i think that makes us friends, if it doesn't - I'm quite happy in my delusion.

love you millions
xxx

Posted by Adele Parker on 03/06/2010

Dearest Marian - so lovely to have you back!! You describe the whole thing with such clarity - you MUST write about it more so that people can understand this illness better. But in the meantime - ACE OF CAKES is the best TV show ever. No idea if you get it over there, but it's one of those reality-type shows about a bakery in Baltimore that makes the most hilarious cakes (highland cows, guitars, baseball stadiums etc etc). The people in the bakery are all slightly odd and terribly endearing. I think you would love it. Mwah Mwah x x x x

Posted by Pumpkin on 03/06/2010

Yay!!!! so glad to see you back and on the mend. missed your missives terribly. keep getting better...cna't wait to see you in print again. take care of yourself babe, lots of love Maggie

Posted by maggie_price on 03/06/2010

Meh @CBT... it's the 'hip' therapy to do! IPT is MUCH better & has a higher success rate! Remember therapy is your friend (I love therapy but my colleagues are sick of me askign for more)... and there is no set formula on how it manifests itself! Been there & done that, actually not too disimilar to you - and it does end with management.
Fantastic there's a corner, fantastic to have you back writing the newsletter. Your faithful readers will happily wait.
Much aroha to you & yours...
And yes, your cakes look fantabulous!

Posted by Kittykat on 03/06/2010

I'm so glad your back. We've missed you. In fact, I've missed you so much that I've started reading all of your books again in quick succession. Well, they're too good to leave sitting in the bookcase untouched really.
Well done for your strength. All my buddies here in New Zealand are thinking of you. Kia Kaha (be strong).

Posted by Jadiebabe on 03/06/2010

Marian, such mixed emotions reading your update - but the overall one is such joy that your back - and getting better. think the suggestion above about a cookery book is a great idea - I'll be the first to buy one! Those cakes just look fab - just like yourself my dear! Great to have you back!

Posted by susandublin on 03/06/2010

Hey, dont know if you have tried it, or would want to! but i find that if i feel upset or anything like that, not that i can relate being upset to what your going through, but i find exercise a brilliant cure. A personal trainer is the best as you are totally out of your own thoughts and in the zone of exercise! its sheer brillance, also i attend a bootcamp, which is an exercise class on the beach, also a fantastic way to feel exhillerated!

Once you start it you get hooked, and maybe its a way of channeling some sort of emotion
kate xxxxxxxx

Posted by minicreeps on 03/06/2010

Well done on surviving this far chick; tough gig but you are doing great!

Try to be realistic about the expectations you put on yourself (rate how you are feeling each day ie 2/10, covert it to a percentage and then only expect that much, 20%, from yourself that day).

Be gentle and patient with yourself, it won't always be like this.

K xx

ps. Nice work with the baked goods; they make EVERYTHING better!!

Posted by Kass on 03/06/2010

You are here today, and that is all that matters, surely. Even on the days when you feel like your life doesn't matter to you, it matters to other people. I too love Come Dine with Me. We have an omnibus thing on Saturday mornings here in New Zealand, and it gives me great joy. I wonder if we should write to the producers and tell them how it saves lives?

Posted by haki on 03/06/2010

Marian! I've been waiting and waiting for an update on your life! So glad to hear that you are doing somewhat better! Keep it up! Love love love from Texas!

Posted by txfrog on 03/06/2010

Good to hear that you are getting better! I just love your way to write, you inspire me!
And... as a swedish girl living in Italy – very good choise of car!!! :-)
Anna

Posted by anninath on 03/06/2010

Just so you know when I had depression all I did for 6 months was play solitare and smoke! The only thng I could read was your books and even now 6 years later I read your books religiously - at least one book every couple of months! Obviously I've read them all at least 10 times! and although it doesn't feel like it now you will come out the other side - just stop thinking "when" it's too much to process, stay well, much love x

Posted by charns on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian,

Just wanted to say that it's fantastic that you're starting to feel better. I suffered badly with depression for many years and recognised so many of the feelings you described in this month's newsletter. All I can say is I've been exactly where you are and I know you will recover and come out the other end much stronger. This too shall pass....

Lyssa x

Posted by LyssaLeigh on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian, as everyone has said it's so good to hear from you again. I too have thought of you often. Before you let us know you were suffering from this hideous thing I felt something was wrong, you didn't appear on 'Strictly Come Dancing -It Takes Two' for a start!!! So hears wishing you a good rcovery. P.S. The cakes look fab :)

Posted by Maridle on 03/06/2010

Dear, dear Marian, you've no idea how happy I was to receive an update from your site. I'm so glad to hear you're starting to feel better.
Looking forward very much to hearing from you again.
Much love and happy thoughts heading your way.

Posted by Bluesy on 03/06/2010

Dear Marion

I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Posted by Joy on 03/06/2010

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and experience; I am sure you have helped many people. I suffer from depression also and with the help of a good psychologist, my wonderful cat, who I have since lost, and a lot of patience with myself I managed to get through. I felt so many of the same things you mentioned and found it scary too. Depression can attack anyone when they least expect it, like many other diseases. I wish you inner peace and strength to get through this life challenge. Those who truly care do not judge a person who is going through depression. Take good care of yourself and we’ll look forward to whatever you choose to write next.

Posted by Christie from Montreal on 03/06/2010

Dear Marion,

I wonder if what you have is not entirely depression, but more like Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, or extremely severe anxiety attacks (which can be continuous in nature). The symptoms you describe seem to me closer to those of PTSS - the frantic activity, a constant state of fear and anxiety, poisoned thoughts, the inability to eat or sleep normally, the inability to focus on anything but TV for short periods of time, feeling the worst in the morning, slightly better in the evening after having got through the day. - I went through a severe period like that after a neck injury, and was diagnosed as PTSS - and what actually it means is that your adrenal gland is over producing adrenalin and as treatment along with antidepressants, a sedative therapy was prescribed. Over a long period of months I finally got the adrenal gland under control, so it was producing normal levels of adrenalin, and all the symptons abated gradually. (the suicidal thoughts, the obsessive thought patterns of fear, the need to frantically be moving physically). Also, one does not need to have experienced a single very stressful event, such as an accident, or combat in a war zone, but continued everyday stress over a long period of time can make your adrenal gland overproduce adrenalin and induce these periods of extreme anxiety along with the depression, which is a result of your physical body being ill. Sensitive people suffer from this extreme anxiety, and it does have a physical root in the over stimulation of the adrenal gland from constant stress, or changes in the hormonal balance can also trigger adrenalin dysfunction. Most people think the depression brings on the physical illness, but actually, the depression is a result of the dysfunctional adrenal gland wrecking havoc with the brain and signals the brain sends to the rest of the body. I have spoken to many people who suffer with this adrenal condition, and the symptoms you are describing seem to me to be textbook patterns of the severe anxiety condition. I wonder if your physicians have considered this.

My heart goes out to you, You are a wonderful writer, and have brought so much happiness and pleasure to so many. I hope you continue to feel stronger and better everyday, and that you do find a treatment or therapy that helps you with this illness.

Posted by Joy on 03/06/2010

Marian, im so proud of you and i hope you're proud of yourself. Take it in baby steps and you'll get there in the end. You've beaten this before so you can do it again.

I don't want it to sound like im wishing anything bad on you because im honestly not and you're a real trooper getting through this, but it's so reassuring to know that other people get these feelings and suffer with them. It makes me feel a tad more normal, whatever that is!

Hang in there and know that we're all thinking of you and rooting for you. God bless xxxx

Posted by Trini on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian, I don't know if this will appear on your site or not. I tried to comment on your January newsletter and for some reason it wouldn't show up.
Anyway, I am glad you are feeling better. I have been going through the same thing as you for about the same amount of time. I had horrible insomnia and the only thing that finally allowed me to sleep was Xanax before bed. I hate to have to take drugs but nothing else worked. I started to see a psychiatrist and he put me on Zoloft, I started it today hopefully it will work for the anxiety, depression and insomnia so I at least won't have to take the Xanax too. I know what you have been through and you keep trying different things and nothing seems to make it any better and some things make it worse. I am starting to feel a bit better at least since I can sleep now and I am hoping the Zoloft will make it even better. It is nice to know that I am not alone and that this can happen to anyone. I also feel guilty about feeling this way because I have a good life, I have a good job, a house, a wonderful husband. It just doesn't make sense why my mind is turning on me like this. I have been checking back periodically to see if you were back yet and was so glad to be notified by e-mail that your May newsletter was out. I am glad you are making progress, hang in there. I have been returning to one of the quotes you listed in your January newsletter quite often. "If you are going through hell, keep going." It has helped me to keep going, I know I am going to get through this and come out the other side a stonger healthier person and so will you. God Bless ~ Vicky C

Posted by Vicky C on 03/06/2010

I read with pain and a lot of nodding at my screen of what you have been through and are going through. "Real" depression - as opposed to what I always imagined - is scary and unexpected and - out of your control. I bet Himself has been scared senseless too.I too have planned death and its nothing like the soaps. Depression is solitary no matter how many care for you. It is blacker than any psychological thriller. It is NUTS! You dont know what to think, what to do. Anyway I am So glad to hear that there is a little chink of light. I hope this grows into a huge beam. Thank you for bringing depression into conversation - it is an illness like no other and one that makes me feel ashamed. I know I shouldn't be but people don't know what to say or do so I cover it up. It was great to get the newsletter - you cheered me up! And as for the cake - here is one willing volunteer to eat all you can produce! Hope you continue your upward climb through quicksand. X

Posted by GillJay on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian
It is so wonderful that you are feeling well enough to share your experience with us. You described exactly in words I couldn't exactly what happened to me 6 years ago - back then living hour to hour was as much as I could do.
I believe what pulled me back from the brink was finding the most wonderful accupuncturist who didn't just use her needles to create warm cosy feelings but also listened and supported in ways sometimes I thought I imagined but I do think she was truly an angel sent to save me - and I know that sounds schmaltzy but I am the least schmaltzy person in the universe but I believe she set me back on the path back to wellness. I found an 'Himself' of my own (from the other side of the world - can't do things by halves me!)transplanted my self to NZ and although there have been blips the really dark times have kept their distance - but I am realistic enough to know they could come back.
But it is so good that you are up and about and even if you don't realise it a world with Marian Keyes in it is a much brighter place (very jealous of the pink car!)
Keep growing in strength - Bless Tony - the love of an 'Himself' is a most powerful force and we both seem to have made that right connections there - I don't know where I'd be without mine!
Wish I could have found the talent to bake such wonderful cakes though - I spent my time doing jigsaws - they were repetitious and solid - like me :-)
May every day bring a little more brightness and spring to your steps.
It is so good to hear from you again - even though we've never met (and never likely too) you are like that friend that you don't see in a while but always ick up where you left off. I love your emails and newsletters like the ones I get from my own family and friends!
wWith many warm hugs and good wishes. Mags

Posted by magsrads on 03/06/2010

Hey you're back. Cool! Can I suggest you start watching Ace of Cakes. It's on one of he foody channels. You'd love it!

Posted by toastytart on 03/06/2010

I'm so pleased to hear that you're starting to feel a little better Marian as I, along with many others by the looks of it, was very concerned about you.

At least when you're feeling back to normal you can look back on the dark months and take one good thing from it; that you now make AWESOME cakes!

Be aware though, everyone will be asking you to make cakes so you may have to pack in the writing and open a cake shop. Just an idea.

Posted by sarahBuk on 03/06/2010

Sooooo good to hear from u again, Marian! Very relieved that u survived somehow. Looking forward for the next update and don't push yourself to write if u're not ready yet.
oh by the way am impressed with all those cakes u made. may be u should start a new biz..haha. Thanks for Himself who took good care of u..
am from hong kong btw.
Lots of love and a big hug

Posted by vionne on 03/06/2010

Marian,
Its great to hear your starting to come round. My mother has always suffered form depression and alcohism. And there are no cures. The only thing my sisters and I have decided is that we throw her down the stairs ourselves and blame the family dog. He's really big and we think he did push her down the stairs once. The only major flaw in our plan is we love the dog and would hate to see him dragged to jail. My sister has taught the dog how to drown her boyfriend. But the plan failed due to witnesses. We were tempted to try and pin the blame on our Dad but we have younger siblings and we would have to take of them if we did that. We might suggest the baking to our mother. If she could do something like that it might stop my sister trying to come up with more plans.
If himself buys a large dog don't go up the stairs anymore.

Posted by niamh on 03/06/2010

Marian, Thank you for your openess and honestly regarding your struggle with depression. It has helped me tremendously with my own struggle. I just finsihed reading the Brightest Star in the Sky and loved it. You make difficult topics very relatable and I have read and loved all your books. Ihope you are seeing light a t the end of the tunnel s to speak and look forward to more columns and books in the future.

Posted by Beth5791 on 03/06/2010

I am so happy that you are feeling better. I have literally been praying that you would recover soon. It's strange to think that I have been praying for someone who I have never met, and not because I want you to write again. I hope you continue to get better and you'll be back to your fabulous self in no time!

Posted by molly4minister on 03/06/2010

dear marian, my little heart jumped when i saw your newsletter in my inbox as i knew that was a good sign. i'm greatly relieved that the worst may be behind you. with your trademark honesty, you help others understand what depression can look like, and by doing so you are saving thousands of people from feeling worse than they already feel. i hope good hour follows good hour for you ... for many hours to come. love, aisling

Posted by AislingInCalifornia on 03/06/2010

Marian,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I often feel this overwhelming need to be gone. Not death, but gone. I just want to know how much your books have helped me over the years. At one of my lowest points I read two of your books in a row and, while they didn't solve my problems, they did make me want to stay for a while longer.

All the best to you and yours.

Posted by samanthadelayed on 03/06/2010

Thank you so much for writing about your battles with depression. I've been dealing with it for years, and am just now starting to get my life back together after almost 4 years of off-and-on crippling depression.

One of the worst things about it is how alone and crazy you feel, and so when someone like yourself is willing to share publicly and let the world know it can happen to someone smart and successful, it helps more people than you know.

I hope that things continue to improve for you and wish you all the best.

And now I might have to find Come Dine with Me, since I'm already in love with Glee, 30 Rock, and True Blood!

Posted by MandyBee on 03/06/2010

You write so clearly and truthfully, as ever. Depression has many forms, each as hideous as the next and I hope that you writing about it so frankly will make other people sit up and think about what might be happening to people close to them and, therefore, treat them with more understanding. I have suffered from depression before now and know how hard it can be. However, I now have ME/CFS and have found that we come across the same ignorant response as with depression.......if not, it is, actually, slightly worse. Ignorance is no excuse for not showing compassion and, if possible, a little empathy. I am so glad that you are feeling well enough to communicate and I wish you a speedy recovery and a full and happy life ahead of you. Soon!
With love and thanks, Puss x

Posted by puss on 03/06/2010

marian, you have brought so much joy to people all over the world with your writtings. Please take strength from knowing at any moment,thousands are sending you their love.

Posted by jgirl on 03/06/2010

Marian,
I am so pleased to hear you are feeling better, you've been in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope you continue to feel bteer, and your cakes look fab! V. jealous!
Joanne x

Posted by Jo Mac on 03/06/2010

Marian So very happy your're doing better. Depression isn't anything that needs to be apologized for. Your great gift to all of us is that you can and do write about it. For that a big thank you and lots of cake. Vicki

Posted by stldesign on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian, So glad to hear you're feeling a little better! When I was suffering with postnatal depression a friend gave me your book watermelon, I used to go to the local woods on my lunch hour to read it and I reckon if anyone saw me sitting there laughing my head off they would have confirmed what I know to be true... I'm crazy!! I found cooking a great way to get through this wicked winter, your cakes look yum, post some recipes! I'm getting good at it but have had to take up long uphill walks to counteract all the extra eating!!! Loved your last book, I think its better and better you're getting!!! You're a trooper Marian hope to hear more from you soon xxx

Posted by emmap on 03/06/2010

Oh, how I've missed you. Much love always. Deirdre

Posted by dchalmers on 03/06/2010

Marian,
I never realised how much I relied on your Newsletter until it was gone for 5 months. It was like somebody had cancelled Strictly - the only thing which gets me through Xmas - or told me I was no longer allowed chocolate (actually somebody probably SHOULD tell me this). Anywho, I was leisurely checking my hotmail with one eye on Home and Away when I saw the email about your Newsletter. So pleased was I, that I actually turned off Home and Away to read it immediately. The things you write: about the anxiety & how it’s like your mind is being poisoned: that’s exactly how it is.
I am glad that you’re feeling even just a bit better. I was thinking about you only this week. I think you (and everyone who has left such lovely, lovely comments these past few months) are brilliant. Thank you for your lovely words in this blog. Love and light to you and also to Himself.
Evie

Posted by EveLouise on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian, I'm so glad to finally receive an email telling me that you've updated your newsletter! I've been checking and checking, convinced that the website was withholding info from me. Happy to hear that you are safe and on the way to being well. If it helps at all, my way of dealing with anxiety and depression is to keep busy so I always have things to look forward to. It makes the future a little less never-ending by having it in bite sized chunks. I sincerely hope you feel a lot better soon.

Posted by Pantsformers on 03/06/2010

Hello again dear friend,

You are definitely not alone i was on the verge of tears reading your post, I have suffered for many years and I found the hardest part was not understanding myself what was going on and sometimes the switching off method you mentioned was all I had to get me through a day. One thing I've learned is DO NOT push it take each day as it comes and do not expect too much of yourself. Other than that no one can tell you what to do to get better. I do enjoy your books for many years and i'm soo glad you have come into our lives and you are appreciated and loved by many.
Lots of love and hugs

Posted by ylj2003 on 03/06/2010

I'm so, so pleased you're starting to feel a bit better. Don't apologize for being ill, it can happen to anyone regardless of what else they've got going on in their lives. You're entitled to be unhappy too :) I hope your days are full of peace now xx

Posted by missy1979 on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian, I'm delighted that you're feeling well enough to write your newsletter. I was thrilled to see it in my inbox.

If you feel like you're not completely over your depression yet, try The Healing Codes at www.thehealingcodes.com.

The guy who started this course cured his wife of depression and she'd been suffering from it for 10 years. It's easy to apply and you can do it yourself.

You've nothing to lose by checking it out and everything to gain.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and hang in there. Your letter had me laughing out loud. You haven't lost it girl. Sharon

Posted by besscella on 03/06/2010

An honest piece. Most people bottle things up over years and go into denial.
A lot of people find Kate Bornstein's Book "Hello Curle World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws" useful
(http://www.sevenstories.com/book/?GCOI=58322100601640). She really does take up very alternative viewpoints with the intention of getting people to choose any alternative to suicide. Its more geared at "outsider" teens but she has a huge "regular" following. Best of luck anyway.

Posted by lff12 on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian, great to hear you're feeling a little better, and well enough to write again (even if it's just your newsletter for now).

I'm not one of those who suffer from depression, but my sister does so while it's not the same thing at all I can sort of empathise with the horrible time you've had.

Have you considered taking a dog (even somebody else's dog) for a walk on those days when you need to do stuff that's demanding enough to keep your body busy but keep your head quiet? Works for me everytime, and I'd be quite happy to lend you the company of my (slightly cracked, one careful lady owner) mutt for the occasion :) Only messing Marian!

Hope you continue to feel better, and PS those cakes look delicious missus!

Posted by Lpfsox on 03/06/2010

HI HUN!
You are still my all time favorite author, and I'm a major bookworm so that's quite a compliment. I am SO happy you are feeling better. I've had many depressive episodes and can empathize. I am a struggling recovering alcoholic. I ended up in the hospital recently with severe alcohol withdrawl which included auditory and visual hallutionations.That had never happened before and was very terrifying! They put me on a drug called naltrexone, which is supposed to suppress the urge to drink. It seems to be working well as I am today 19 days sober. GO ME! I have also returned to AA. I just got the email about this newsletter today and thought it was funny since I had just returned from the library with a copy of Rachel's Holiday to read again. I'm very sad to hear about the turmoil you have been feeling and just remember " This to will pass". It keeps me going at times. Also, Celexa and Trazadone( for insomnia) are very good antidepressants I have just started back on. Hope all continues going well and I wish you a happy summer! Keep writing when your head clears, we all love you words of wisdom!

Posted by zskinner0001 on 03/06/2010

Oh how lovely to read this! I have been checking this site a lot to see how you were getting on, so it's good to hear that you are on your way back to betterness.

I can only add that I have had the horrors before and the terrors and the panic, where you just cannot let your brain think for itself in any capacity... the only thing that works for me is back-to-back episodes of the West Wing, or Ghost Whisperer, or Jonathan Ross podcasts, ( my sister also swears by Come Dine With Me) - you must also try Three in a Bed. Oh, and anything with the following actresses in will stop your brain from thinking the bad stuff: Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, Kirsten Dunst. FACT.

Also you've got an illness and you're trying to get better - it's nothing to do with not appreciating what you've got, it's just chemicals in your brain being A***HOLES. If you were diabetic you'd take insulin - it's just a different type of chemical imbalance, nothing to do with being ungrateful or self pitying.

Also also, write a baking book!

Posted by Suzannet on 03/06/2010

Oh Marian! You have no idea how happy I was to open my email today and see that there was a newsletter from you. I logged straight in to read it and although it pains me to hear just what you have endured and how dark your days have been, I am equally relieved that you now seem to be getting a few sunny days mixed in with the dark. Also could you come to my house and live here for the week and do some baking? Thank you, much obliged! Seriously though Marian, welcome back and much love x x x

Posted by LisaW on 03/06/2010

Waving Hi to you Marian,it has made my day to read your newsletter,how marvelous that things are improving.I too am on anti-depressants,they seem to be working OK.We must at least be grateful that just for today we havent drunk Alcohol.Love and hugs and god bless,

Posted by heath on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian!!!! Praise be to God that you are feeling better!!!!! I am so happy to read this...I have been lurking on this site to see what's happening with you! Just take it like you are....day by day by hour!!! Your fans will wait! Frances Martin

Posted by Anaguma on 03/06/2010

It's good to hear from you again. Sorry you're still not in a position to write another book yet, but I hope you will get back to that place soon. I love your books! I've even included you in this blog:
http://chicklitcentraltheblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/irish-eyes-are-smiling.html
Hang in there!!!

Posted by eema2boys on 03/06/2010

Marian, thank God you're getting better! I have been checking this site over and over to look out for some tiny little sign of improvement, and I think it is truly amazing how many people there are who have apparently been doing the same. You are an inspiration to so many!

I'm thinking about you a lot at the moment because I'm writing my master's thesis about some of your books, and not even reading them with joyless little academic eyes can take the fun out of them! Please keep getting better, and don't worry about not being able to write - you have given us so much already!

Lots and lots of love x

Posted by mayfever on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian,

I'm glad you feel better now. It's a good sign you have written us.

When I knew about your depression I talked about it with some friends who like your books. We've been waiting for your return.

Keep working on getting well.

Un beso from Spain,

Cristina

Posted by crisfusterber on 03/06/2010

Marian, you have been my favorite author since I opened up Rachel's Holiday in Costco and the first sentence had me hooked. You described my post partum depression in Watermelon to a T. When my son was born, I fell into a very dark hole, I was in so deep that I couldn't see any light. I begged my family to let me go. I pleaded with them to see that this was the only way, the best for everyone. I too, could not eat for weeks because of the constant nausea. I had no trouble sleeping, and would welcome the night as an escape but I would wake with my heart racing and my feet tapping because of the awful anxiety and the disappointment that I had to endure another day feeling like this. In bed I felt as if there were hands pulling from inside the mattress, making me stay there. Out of bed, I couldn't sit still but nothing relieved the feeling of dread and the horrible thoughts of suicide. I couldn't listen to the news because I couldn't bare to hear about Darfur, or the Columbine massacre.

This began 11 years ago and continues to this day. Not as often as I have learned through behavioral therapy how to work through it. Winters will bring you down though. Keep up the therapy and whatever works for you and be thankful every day that you have such a wonderful family that is behind you. Remember that when/if you start to fall into that hole again, use the tools you are learning to keep from falling so far. Try very hard to remember these feelings and the fact that they went away, so that if/when you feel them again, you can remind yourself that it gets better, that you will get better and life is so beautiful and worth living.

You are in my thoughts

Posted by sita324 on 03/06/2010

Delighted to hear you are in a better place now Marian, it's good to have you back. Keep strong and i have to say i find baking very theraputic ! lots of love. Aedin

Posted by pixie67 on 03/06/2010

Marian, I honestly love you (not in a scary-stalker way) and am so so happy that you're feeling better. I'm hoping for the best for you, and praying to Allah (and whoever else has good connections) to someday meet you, so let's not try to send the Somalis on you, all right? Much love.

Posted by Veronica Laney on 03/06/2010

Great to see you back Marian. I've struggled with depression myself over the years, not so badly, but I can understand a little. What you wrote in your newsletter isn't selfish at all, just horribly familiar! Love those cake photos... I'm inspired to make a couple myself now! Thinking of you and wishing you a full and speedy recovery. Andy

Posted by andrewEssex45uk on 03/06/2010

hi marion,
my mom suffered from severe depression for years, the two things she swore by were your books and hypnotherapy. she tried all the things you tried and more, finally after 25 years of it she discovered these two things. might not work for you (the hypnotherapy) but it's worth a shot.

Posted by jakesmommy on 03/06/2010

Hope you're feeling a bit better - I know how awful it can be. People have to remember that depression/anxiety is an illness like any other and can affect anyone. Glad you're improving a bit. Loved, loved loved Brightest Star in the Sky x

Posted by scatterby on 03/06/2010

Marian, I was so glad to receive the email saying that you'd written a new newsletter. I've re-read a lot of your books recently and have been worrying and wondering how you are coping with your depression, and how long it will take you to come through it. You are such an incredibly talented writer – no one has ever made me smile with recognition as much as you – sometimes I’m sure you’ve climbed into my head and written down my thoughts word for word! I suppose, if you hadn’t struggled with your own demons you wouldn’t be half the writer you are, and I’m sure this ‘episode’ will, one day, make you even better. You are truly one of the greats; your books will be read and loved for centuries to come.
Keep ploughing on and you’ll get better in the end. In the meantime I suggest Coach Trip as a good time filler!
Much love, Rachel

Posted by Rach980 on 03/06/2010

Dearest Marian,
It was lovely to read your words again. Even in your darkest days you manage to bring wit and spark to others. I love the idea of a recipe book-what lovely fun that would be. I also loved your make up column-great tips and ideas.
I hope you continue to make a speedy recovery. Babies definitely help and they get so funny when they can talk. My son tells me he has a 'surprise' in his pants for me... surprisingly, t's never a good one!
I don't have any advice for battling depression but it sounds like you have lots of lovely people to support you. Perfect. As for Himself-he sounds like the most wonderful man ever. I'm also holding out thatone day you might visit my far flung island. until then, sending lots of happy thoughts your way. Karen in cayman xx

Posted by Chocolate lover on 03/06/2010

Oh Marian, I am so glad that you are back!!!! I knew it I knew it I knew it you'd manage!! Lots of love :))))

Posted by *Isabella* on 03/06/2010

Welcome back Marian!! It's so good to get your newsletter, am reading with tears rolling down my face. You have been in my prayers all these months. Thank you for sharing your experiences, the good and the bad, with us. Sending lots of love your way!!

Posted by Brook on 03/06/2010

Marian, I was just telling someone this morning how funny your books were and how sad I was that you weren't well then suddenly - here you are!! So good to have you back, I feel as though I have an old friend back xx

Posted by Kelbrook Chris on 03/06/2010

I've been in the same place as you, and had the "black dog" on my shoulder. Come Dine With Me was not around then, so it was Have I Got News For You that did it for me!

Bless you for your honesty.

Posted by Mhaw on 03/06/2010

So happy my favorite author is feeling better and didn't off herself! Have you seen the AMC show "Breaking Bad"... it kicks True Blood, Soprano's etc all out of the water. One episode and you'll be hooked!!!

Posted by sooaloo on 03/06/2010

Hi there. I'm a bipolar sufferer and what you're subscribing really sounds like it might be Bipolar Disorder. You used the word "maniac" to describe your behaviour after coming out of your depressive state. Bipolar depression and "regular" depression don't respond to the same types of drugs and taking anti-depressants can even push you into manic episodes. I'm not a doctor, just a sufferer but please ask your doctors about bipolar.

Posted by mdcore on 03/06/2010

Marian, I'm so, so glad to read you are feeling a bit better. I sincerely hope that things continue to get better every day. Thank you for posting your wonderful newsletter. Your cakes look delicious, particularly the top right photo with the smarties. Have you tried Martha Stewart's "Baking handbook"? Its worth sending away to America for. The pictures alone are gorgeous. Thank you Marian for sharing with us. God bless and take care. Olga xxx

Posted by polly55 on 03/06/2010

What a fantastic newsletter...you have described exactly what I was like a few years ago but I have never ever had the skill or talent to express in words....you will get through this...if I can, you can; you just have to allow yourself the chance, I found breathing (yes I am being serious!) not just normal shallow breathing but proper concentrated breathing ( I couldn't meditate either!) allows you to feel your body is actuallly capable of responding to positive thought, its tricky at first but you have to persevere a little and then eventually you will master it! Another good thing I found, lavender wheat neck wraps that relaxes the shoulders so that you can't tense them up around your ears and at the same time your breathing the heady lavender scent that ultimately puts you mind into a relaxed state without even trying!! I have loads more tips...unfortunately there isn't a magical cure for this but I do know you will definately get through is...in the meantime indulge in guilty pleasures and give yourself lots and lots and lots of tlc..not forgetting Himself what a man, I think he should be really proud of himself for being so strong and supporting you through this bleak time..Have a great recovery...because to me it sounds like your on the brink of turning it all around! Much love! Missie x

Posted by Missie13 on 03/06/2010

Marian, was literally just thinking of you this morning so was really pleased to see your newsletter appear. I am so glad that you are feeling a little better and am not surprised to see your special own type of sparkle shine through in your newsletter. I know it is and will continue to be a long hard struggle to get back to how you were but have every faith in your achieving this soon. Chin up, we are all with you and send you our love and support. Also babies are a fantastic tonic, really do make you feel brighter. Your beautiful new nephew will help you achieve what you need to do. Much love from Glasgow xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted by jaks on 03/06/2010

It’s lovely to have news from you again! I was sad to hear about your dark time :(
So here are the things that helped me: crosswords magazines, P.G. Wodehouse, Travel & Living Channel, handwork (I started creating these broaches and giving them to friends, whether they like them or not). And in the end, watching reality in its face and doing exactly what I was afraid of, such as wearing black knickers even though I was convinced they will somehow bring me to death. I understand that your struggle is different. But I also hope that you will succeed in defeating this. As a friend said: it’s just like going under muddy waters - take a good look around and allow yourself to experience it, because it will be the last time you will be in that awful place. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Take care!

Posted by silvia on 03/06/2010

Hey Marian, how nice to have you back and cakes as well bonus although they now have me craving even though I am supposed to be dieting ;-) I am so glad that you are feeling better, the sunshine has probably helped as well. Keep baking and keep healing and I am sure you will be back to your old self soon.. have you any holidays booked this year? If not what are you waiting for... get a couple of weeks in the real sun booked, put your feet up and enjoy. Take care X

Posted by jenjen1974 on 03/06/2010

Marian,
Delighted to hear that you are starting to feel better. I like Ambius, have thought of you often since January. While I have not suffered from depression myself, many people close to me have & I can only begin to understand how difficult it is to come out the other side. Delighted to hear the Wicklow mountains were involved in making you feel better as a Wicklow native :). Best wishes & keep on fighting!
Sara

Posted by sal on 03/06/2010

Welcome back, lovely, honest, warm, delightful Marian, thanks for sharing the inside of your head with us, and your Come Dine with Me & Glee watching - Glee is wildly addictive and I hope you have the CDs in your pink Fiat! Take care of yourself and know us lot will be waiting anytime you fancy a natter. Thanks also to Himself and the Keyes clan for looking after you so well. Good luck with the birthday cakes (why stop at only one birthday cake, eh?!).

Posted by dudess on 03/06/2010

Please stay strong. You are not alone and always have friends and family to reach out to. Everyone with depression lives it differently. Thank you for sharing.

Posted by redberg on 03/06/2010

Marian- I've often thought about how you were doing since your last newsletter.

Your message made me think of 3 things:
1. sounds like you're not only depressed but also stressed! Your anxiety attacks, not being able to stay calm etc. sound familiar as I've battled stress and still is.
2. You might want to check out the amino acid 5-HTP (google it), I've a friend with depression who's used it with good results. It's supposed to help with the serotonin levels and has a really good success rate and few side effects compared to traditional drugs.
3. On a cognitive level: Try to be ok with your feelings. Instead of judging yourself, feeling guilt, remorse etc. just observe what you're feeling and say " I'm feeling...how interesting!"
It sounds kooky, but it's such a negative cycle when we punish ourselves for feeling "wrong" things.

it has helped me, to move on to another thought and that leaves a tiny bright spot in an otherwise dark mind.

I love your books and you will be able to write again, believe me, but right now take care of yourself.

Thank you- I love you,
Anja

Posted by anjacdk on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian,
I don't know your age, but maybe you have that thing women have when they approach certain age? those are some of the symptons? I know, because my mom is approximately your age, but those symptons go away.
I also recommend you red Jason Vale's book http://www.juicemaster.com/shop/books/slim-for-life-freedom-from-the-diet-trap.html ( How to stay slim for Life) it's a really good book, exsplain why we feel depressed sometimes, this book helped me a lot, to understand why i was being fat and felt horrible every time i ate. Maybe this is your answer?
Lots of love

Posted by laquemastequiere on 03/06/2010

Marian - just getting your email brought a smile to my face, never mind reading the newsltter. It is so lovely to hear from you again.

Posted by allij on 03/06/2010

Awwww lovely lovely Marian, have been so worried about you and truly hope this light at the end of your personal tunnel continues to grow and shine brightly on you, it is good you have highlighted this as so many people think its a case of counting your blessings but it is so much more than that. The cakes look divine and I too love Come Dine with Me although I would definitely come last and hang my head in shame and my poor attempts ! And yayyyyyyy Big Brother returns, I will look forward to hearing what you make of the final housemates. God bless you, you lovely funny lady who makes so many people smile may you feel inner happiness again and send love to Himself love Rachel xxx

Posted by muffykins on 03/06/2010

Marian,
Your books have helped me through a very dark time of my own. I am thrilled to have found your books because you write about things that each of us feel with such understanding. Your humor is a gift! Thinking about Lola's entertaining Ibrahim on "trannie night" (This Charming Man) gives me a belly laugh every day. Hang on, please, and know that this fog will lift. We need you!
LibrarianfanUS

Posted by susang on 03/06/2010

Owwhhh some one said you should write a recipe book - great idea. You should try them out here on your website.

I'd love to read your recipes delivered in your own special style!

I also love your love of make-up tips and ideas and I guessed you'd need to research those lovely new products ;D

Posted by Hazelew on 03/06/2010

amazing to read this. Thank you so much for your honesty. So many of us suffer, and so few of us open up about it.

Take care of yourself!

Posted by sparklesparklytinsel on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian
Sending you lots of love and hugs and want to tell you that we absolutely love you at Beaut.ie. Your writing is an inspiration - and your beauty writing fab!
Aislingx

Posted by aphrodite on 03/06/2010

Wonderful to hear from you and I join in with all the well wishes for your continued rise from this terrible state of mind.

You bring so much joy with your writing; yes your books but even more with your newsletters and completly honest spirit.

I truely believe you do more good than you know by speaking about what you are going through.

Not by supplying helpful answers but by admitting that sometimes there are no quick fixes.

You truely are amazing; more power to you.

Love and best regards x

Posted by Hazelew on 03/06/2010

What an amazing woman you are Ms. Keyes!! Thank you for sharing such difficult and private thoughts with us - it makes coping with such an insidious illness a little easier. K

Posted by reggae2812 on 03/06/2010

Glad your starting to feel better and your humour made me smile, wish you had your own baby, you look so radiant in the picture!!!

On a silly note, Big Brothers back next week, so that will be fun! You're brave and kind and I'm just so relieved for you that the worst its over! Vicki

Posted by Vicki on 03/06/2010

Marian, I have been so concerned about you, which seems strange as i dont actually know you but it is amazing how reading all of your books makes it feel like I do :) I have googled you many times to see if there is any news on your progress and was so glad to see that there was a new newsletter. I agree that come dine with me is genius and Dave Lamb could cheer anyone up!! Hope your progress continues and we hear from you again soon. (love the idea of your pink car... Jealous much???)

Posted by lamj1978 on 03/06/2010

WOW what a tonic to hear from you girl. Also spooky because I have been thinking about you a lot over the past few weeks. Mainly because I've been in the vat of treacle with you and am still a bit sticky! I wondered how you were and hoped like crazy that you would recover. Not just because I care about you for the way that your work has become such an inspiration to me since I discovered you, but because I need to know that I can do it too. Two days ago I resumed reading again since my descent began. The book I had started was Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married and I picked up where I had left off eons ago. I reached the chapter covering Lucy's blind date with Chuck the American chap and laughed till I cried. Then when the crying eased off I laughed again - big belly laughs that made me feel alive again. It was the beginning and just like you love I am now taking each day and each frame of mind as it comes. Bless you for Lucy and Chuck Marion they dipped their hands into the vat and slowly began to ease me out. My intention was to e-mail you and tell you about this in the hope it might make you at least smile; Now I am sending it to say 'Well done you for making it so far and long may your recovery continue.' As for Himself - words fail me! What a hero you have there - bloody well done to you too Tony. Hang on in there both of you and if you never write another word for publication Marion, let's hear it for Chuck and Lucy!! Luv ya Ann xxx

Posted by marion4me on 03/06/2010

My friend forwarded me a link to this page and I'm so glad she did. You have put into words what I have been feeling for months. I have spoken to my doctor and also on some very nice little white tablets and now see a very nice man with a beard to talk about my problems but I found it so hard to describe. So thank you firstly for putting down exactly what it feels like...no messing just this is how it is. Secondly, cake is the answer to everything I feel! More than anything I'm sending loving thoughts and best wishes and hope that you make it to the other side of this to a better happier place x

Posted by thefunkylibrarian on 03/06/2010

p.s. I've missed you utterly!

Posted by lunaly on 03/06/2010

Hang in there, Marian!
I wish I had a sure-fire cure. I don't.
I know that exercise (I've been doing Wii Fit Plus) and meds (Cymbalta) help me, but that's me.
Please know that you are not alone. You are so Not Alone.
Your baked goods look divine.
What is "Come Dine With Me"? Is it a reality show that's like "My Dinner With Andre"?
And which "30 Rock" episode do you like best?
Give yourself many hugs and give 'em hell,
L

Posted by lunaly on 03/06/2010

Dear Marian,

Feel so sorry when imaging what u've been through. Just want to let u know its your wonderful books which keep me away from my own bad emotions. Im from Taiwan, we don't hav ur book translated but can still can read them in English, i have also got my friends reading ur books now. You are an amazing person, please try to get through this. hope to hear from you soon. Megan (Taiwan)

Posted by meganweng on 03/06/2010

Dearest Marian. I can't tell you how happy I was to see the email in my inbox telling me your newsletter was out. I am so pleased you are comng out of your dark place, I too struggle with depression and so can understand how you feel. God bless you Marian Keyes. lots of love Emma xxx

Posted by Emmalou on 03/06/2010

Marian, I was so happy to see you in my inbox this morning! I'm so glad that you are doing better and have thought about you a lot over the last few months. I have not suffered from severe depression since I was much younger (some 20 years ago), but occasionally I feel it pulling at me. You have a wonderful attitude about it all though, definitely a one day at a time gig. I wish I were near you - I'd be happy to take some baked goods off your hands!

Posted by readinrobin on 03/06/2010

Marian, I truly hope that this is the start of you coming out of your dark place. I have no idea how you feel as this has never happened to me. Here's to 'one day at a time' and hopefully you'll soon feel like writing again. I look forward to your next book (no pressure ha ha!!)
Catherine.

Posted by tdpmd on 03/06/2010

Oh Marian, I have missed your monthly letter so and have been so concerned about you. I am ever so glad to hear you have found the light at the end of the tunnel. Much love....Erin xox

Posted by Erinb on 03/06/2010

Dearest Marian, I'm very very glad that you're feeling better. I was thinking of you just yesterday, and wondered how you and Himself are doing. This must have been quite a strain on him as well. Of course you are not selfish, it's an illness, we can't help it, and people need to understand it and if they don't they need to shut up. Please God you'll continue to get better. Try to take up some form of exercise, the endorphins will do wonders for you ;-) take care sweetheart, Tanya xxx

Posted by Tanya@Malta on 03/06/2010

Marian even if you are still a bit down and not able to write yet, this newsletter still has your old sparkle and must have greatly cheered a lot of people who are far less depressed than you. I'm sure you'll be back with another book one of these days, in the meantime just enjoy life a bit more every day.

Posted by ginnyswart on 03/06/2010

Marian: Please take care of yourself. The world would be a much sadder and darker place without you in it!!

Posted by ecrook on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian,
So very glad to hear you are doing better. Thoughts are with you, and hoping its all on and up for you from now on. Your writing has kept me sane many a time. Regards and best wishes, Lisa (Australia)

Posted by furypan on 03/06/2010

Soooooooo pleased you are back on form (or on the way at least!)
Please please please keep your chin up, we've all missed you loads!
Also, Big Brother starts next week!! I know you love it and you'll have to get your mojo back so you can appear on BBLB with all your thoughts. Adh Mór a chara xx

Posted by Ciarraí on 03/06/2010

I've just been close to tears reading that. Marian, you might not think you can write but that's the most affecting, thought-provoking thing I've read in a long time. I really hope you feel better soon. Forever, a fan.

Posted by vickinotaro on 03/06/2010

when i saw that you had written this newsletter .it made my day .i know you only by your books and seeing you on tv.but you are like a friend that knows how i feel .THANK YOU GOD BLESS AND TAKECARE XX

Posted by pdowney on 03/06/2010

Hey Marian, wishing you all the best in your recovery from the bottom of my heart. Debbie

Posted by GIBSOND2 on 03/06/2010

So good to hear you're back, even if it is in part! Completely understand where you're coming from, take care and no that people are out here for you xx

Posted by mimi on 03/06/2010

I know how it all feels... So happy to see you are getting your head out of the water. And yes, there will always be people who will not understand... we have everything to be soooo happy!!! But our brain is playing bad tricks, not functionning right... OHHH and the guilt about it!
(just for info : EMDR is another good therapy... )You may watch Dine with me, let me tell you that I read your books over and over again, they get me through the day and even cheer me up! Keep on fighting, we need you !!! xxx

Posted by soniaayme on 03/06/2010

Thanks for your honesty Marian. You make me feel better about my own situation.

Posted by zzj93y on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian,

Great to see your newsletter up and running again. So sorry to hear that you have had such a horrendous time of it. Where depression is concerned try not to expect too much from yourself too soon and always be kind to yourself.

Take care,
Irene

Posted by Butler on 03/06/2010

This is the best e-mail I have received in ages. So pleased that you are on the mend. And cakes too. Woo hoo!!! xxx

Posted by Bunty on 03/06/2010

Marian,
I hope you feel better soon. It is a long agonizing process to feel better but it will happen. I too have felt the same way for months and only now have been feeling slightly better. But stick to Catholicism, I tried Buddhism and that made things worse...all I needed was to start thinking of karma! Like I didn't have enough obsessive thoughts!
Anyway, be well and happy baking! This too shall pass!
Laura

Posted by ChristineChaos on 03/06/2010

Glad to hear that your stepping in the right direction. I love reading your posts because they are so raw and honest and it really does help me in day to day life. Thank you truly and all the best for your future health xxx

Posted by Kmafreeman on 03/06/2010

Marian! I am so grateful to God that you're feeling better! Enjoy the sunshine and next winter do the sensible thing and join us in sunny South Africa for a few months :) Take care of yourself xxx

Posted by Caa on 03/06/2010

Welcome back!
So your next book will be a cook .... errr... baking book? ;)
I am sure all of your amigos out there are happy you are feeling better - I know I am!
Greetings from sunny Mexico and come to think of it, here is my suggestion for gloomy days: GO TRAVEL!! To Mexico if you like, I heard it's nice, colorful and sunny there. ;)

Posted by Ninik on 03/06/2010

Hi Marian - I always read your updates but this time I had to comment. Reading today's missive made me wonder if you were inhabiting part of my brain! You so perfectly described so many of the things I went through with depression and the biggest help of all was seeing a psychotherapist. My lowest point was realising that my excuses for not committing suicide were no longer cutting the ice - I started to believe that everyone would be better off without me. That's when I realised I was way in over my head and got help. The other biggest change was finding out that my hormones were in disarray and getting treatment - I no longer feel like a raving madwoman and there are days I really just appreciate the sun and the trees. I am so glad that you have light at the end of your tunnel - it is a struggle to get to it but it is worthwhile in the end. All the best Marian!

Posted by LSCDE00 on 03/06/2010

Good to see you back. Keep strong and get well soon.

Your books always help me, thank you xx

Posted by jeffner100 on 03/06/2010

I really think you're amazing.

As someone who's touched the edges of depression, I'm always by your openness and honesty. If not yourself, please believe that is has helped me.

www.wowserstrousers.blogspot.com

Posted by katemcd81 on 03/06/2010

Well done Marian. You are an inspiration to many! Strength to you and those that are helping you through this difficult time. Tracey

Posted by traceyw on 03/06/2010

Marian, it's so good to have you back! Obviously we don't know each other but please know that since you wrote about your depression in January I've thought about you often and wondered how you were doing. I'm sure I wasn't the only one! I just wish good thoughts from complete strangers was the answer to making you well. Please hang in there! PS. your cakes look AMAZING.

Posted by Amblus on 03/06/2010